Pełna lista cytatów

https://xpil.eu/ozy

Od jakiegoś czasu gromadzę pracowicie cytaty pojawiające się losowo na marginesie tego blogu. Trochę się tego nazbierało. Dziś postanowiłem udostępnić Czytelnikom pełną listę - a nuż ktoś znajdzie coś fajnego dla siebie?

Większość z nich to teksty sarkastyczno-dowcipne. Ale nie wszystkie, są też cytaty głębsze, poważne lub smutne. Ale te da się policzyć na palcach.

Uwaga: nie udało mi się tutaj wyświetlić autorów poszczególnych cytatów (pokazują się oni w "pojedynczej" wersji na marginesie blogu). Do wyświetlenia poniższej listy posłużyłem się wtyczką W4 Post List - nie udało mi się jeszcze wykombinować jak za jej pomocą wyświetlić również autorów. Może, kiedyś...

Bez dalszych wstępów, oto pełna (i zawsze aktualna) lista:

https://xpil.eu/zpj

I have no idea how much I’ve forgotten.

https://xpil.eu/zpj


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/qx0

Bicycles can’t stand on their own because they are two tired.

https://xpil.eu/qx0


Shower Thoughts

Krok wstecz po obraniu złego kierunku jest krokiem we właściwą stronę.


Kurt Vonnegut

https://xpil.eu/4dk

If I eat my meal from the frying pan at a restaurant, it’s sophisticated and a sign of quality. If I do it at home, I’m lazy and disgusting.

https://xpil.eu/4dk


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/6wt

Hair is so much more gross when it’s not attached to someone.

https://xpil.eu/6wt


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/ysk

I wish my bed was as comfy when I’m trying to fall asleep as it is when my alarm goes off.

https://xpil.eu/ysk


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/nun

If pigs could fly, their wings would be delicious.

https://xpil.eu/nun


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/1up

Nothing encourages a person to educate themselves more than having to prove a point to someone they hate.

https://xpil.eu/1up


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/tkj

Smartphones have probably caused a large decrease in the amount of bathroom stall graffiti.

https://xpil.eu/tkj


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/fd4

If a meme isn’t used anymore and starts to be forgotten, it becomes a memeory.

https://xpil.eu/fd4


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/tye

Horses sleep in hay, and also eat hay? Imagine if you woke up and started eating your bed.

https://xpil.eu/tye


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/uww

George Orwell predicted cameras watching us in our homes, but he didn’t predict that we would buy and install them ourselves.

https://xpil.eu/uww


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/w7l

It is a sign of planetary weakness that humans put flags on other planets which only represent a small territory of earth instead of a flag that represents our whole planet.

https://xpil.eu/w7l


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/31m

Paying for contact lenses every month is essentially paying a monthly subscription to see life in HD.

https://xpil.eu/31m


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/37l

Jak się nie obrócisz, tak rzyć z tyłu.

https://xpil.eu/37l


Andrzej Sapkowski

https://xpil.eu/owy

Psy mogą brzmieć różnie w różnych krajach. W Korei na przykład skwierczą.

https://xpil.eu/owy


JM

https://xpil.eu/29b

The worst part about being an adult is that no one cares what your favorite dinosaur is.

https://xpil.eu/29b


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/zr2

I hope my dog never realizes that I’m full of bones.

https://xpil.eu/zr2


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/gti

If you cut a corner off a piece of paper, it gains a corner.

https://xpil.eu/gti


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/gal

If you pay $1000 for clothes that cost $15 to make, you look rich and society perceives rich people as smart. But logically, you’re just stupid.

https://xpil.eu/gal


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/9kq

If ants make up 15% of terrestrial biomass and can lift up to 10 times their body weight, they should be able to collectively lift all other animals on Earth.

https://xpil.eu/9kq


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/1y2

When they invent a scent-recorder we can take smellfies.

https://xpil.eu/1y2


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/n5t

DĄŻENIE DO ŚRODKA

Środek też ma swój środek.
Chcę dojść do środka tego środka.
Środek tego środka
też ma swój środek.
Chcę dojść
do środka wszystkich środków.

Gdzie jest oś koła,
gdzie jest pestka owocu,
gdzie jest język u wagi,
gdzie jest sedno.

Muszę dojść do najbardziej środkowego miejsca
w raju środka,
w niebie środka,
w kulistym bogu środka,
w bogu środka okrągłym
jak pępek.

https://xpil.eu/n5t


Anna Świrszczyńska

https://xpil.eu/56l

The sun could have disappeared eight minutes ago.

https://xpil.eu/56l


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/v85

- Jaki wiek jest dla mężczyzny krytyczny?
- 50 lat. Emerytury jeszcze nie dają, kobiety już nie dają.

https://xpil.eu/v85


JM

https://xpil.eu/c2r

If I touch my phone in the right places a pizza will arrive at my door.

https://xpil.eu/c2r


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/zzg

If you said good morning to someone at 11:59:59 am then they would have to say good afternoon back.

https://xpil.eu/zzg


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/h9k

If you buy a used prosthetic hand, you bought your third hand, second hand.

https://xpil.eu/h9k


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/wpt

If the definition of insanity is to do the same thing again and again while expecting a different result, and the only way to become an expert in something is to do it over and over again until you get the best possible outcome, then the only path to mastery is through insanity.

https://xpil.eu/wpt


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/xx4

School is the last place you make genuine friends. After that everyone is a business partner.

https://xpil.eu/xx4


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ibb

People are more stupid in groups, and there’s no bigger group than the internet.

https://xpil.eu/ibb


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/66h

When you reposition your junk after becoming erect you are “adjusting for inflation”

https://xpil.eu/66h


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/xk0

We should be asking kids, “What kinds of problems do you want to solve?” when helping them consider future careers instead of, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

https://xpil.eu/xk0


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/5ui

The most unbelievable part of Dune is that in the year 10,000 people are still named Paul and Jessica.

https://xpil.eu/5ui


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/l2v

Anti-vaccine misinformation spreads virally.

https://xpil.eu/l2v


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/b7c

Drinking isn’t a problem until it becomes a solution.

https://xpil.eu/b7c


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/v4i

Zabrałem swoje dzieci na strzelnicę, ale na miejscu powiedzieli mi, że muszę strzelać do tarczy.

https://xpil.eu/v4i


JM

https://xpil.eu/7z1

My dog probably thinks that I’m walking around the block alone for 12 hours while I’m at work.

https://xpil.eu/7z1


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/89f

Most orchestras are just 1800’s cover bands.

https://xpil.eu/89f


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/npq

Finland doesn’t have any prominent folklore about the dead rising to haunt the living, but while dressing a body for burial it’s a tradition to bind the corpse’s legs together. Maybe that’s why there is no prominent folklore of the undead haunting the living.

https://xpil.eu/npq


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/y4h

A thousand years ago people were probably complaining about how those damn millennials were ruining the Middle Ages.

https://xpil.eu/y4h


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/htk

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.

https://xpil.eu/htk


George Carlin

https://xpil.eu/qfj

I was much happier before the Internet because I was unaware of how shitty the world really is.

https://xpil.eu/qfj


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/vrf

Before wrist watches, you had to inconveniently pull something out of your pocket to tell the time. Now wrist watches are becoming obsolete and we went back to having to pull things out of our pockets to tell the time.

https://xpil.eu/vrf


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/n4e

It’s strange that there is an L in Noel.

https://xpil.eu/n4e


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/r40

"Meat pies! Hot sausages! Inna bun! So fresh the pig h'an't noticed they're gone!"

https://xpil.eu/r40


Terry Pratchett

https://xpil.eu/bor

Volleyball is a intense version of don’t let the balloon hit the floor.

https://xpil.eu/bor


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/1yf

In lower grades you always think math will be easy as hell once you are allowed to use a calculator. When the time comes you wonder where all the numbers went.

https://xpil.eu/1yf


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/kp5

Every Friday the 13th is preferable to Monday the anythingth.

https://xpil.eu/kp5


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/a5y

When computers eventually become sentient, they’re going to need therapy for all the things we googled on them.

https://xpil.eu/a5y


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/vx8

My organs have never seen the light of day. If all goes well, they never will.

https://xpil.eu/vx8


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/cws

You can convince anyone online anything if you put “says scientists” at the end, says scientists.

https://xpil.eu/cws


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/3te

Despacito 2 could be titled Dospacito and Despacito 3 can be titled Trespacito.

https://xpil.eu/3te


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ruy

Your bed is a shelf for your body when you’re not using it.

https://xpil.eu/ruy


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/hus

No enemies had ever taken Ankh-Morpork. Well technically they had, quite often; the city welcomed free-spending barbarian invaders, but somehow the puzzled raiders found, after a few days, that they didn't own their horses any more, and within a couple of months they were just another minority group with its own graffiti and food shops.

https://xpil.eu/hus


Terry Pratchett

https://xpil.eu/k4d

I wish my toilet had a scale measuring the contents of the bowl. You could link it to your fitbit data, challenge your friends, the possibilities are endless really.

https://xpil.eu/k4d


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/3hx

Don’t hate people for what they look like on the outside, hate them for the horrible pieces of shit they are on the inside.

https://xpil.eu/3hx


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/2hi

Getting shot by bullet in head is less painful than than in a foot.

https://xpil.eu/2hi


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/6p0

If you come to my funeral... I’m not coming to yours.

https://xpil.eu/6p0


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/lfj

I’m very punk rock when I charge my laptop, phone, and headphones. I always use the same three power cords.

https://xpil.eu/lfj


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/8fh

When Snoop Dogg is 60, he’ll be 420 in dogg years.

https://xpil.eu/8fh


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/b3d

Read rhymes with lead, and read rhymes with lead, but read and lead don’t rhyme, and neither do read and lead.

https://xpil.eu/b3d


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/0vr

My life is a series of increasingly difficult obstacles that I need to overcome in order to play video games at the end of the day.

https://xpil.eu/0vr


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/cc6

Technically it was Moses that had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.

https://xpil.eu/cc6


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/d8w

You can’t judge a book by its cover, but you can judge a person by their bookshelf.

https://xpil.eu/d8w


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/56x

Italy’s Leaning Tower of Pisa is just italic.

https://xpil.eu/56x


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ag1

Poszedł sobie Abdul na wybory Miss Niemiec.
I wygrał!

https://xpil.eu/ag1


JM

https://xpil.eu/xlr

Lemons are not a naturally occurring fruit - they’re a hybrid that we bred. Life never gave us lemons, we gave lemons life.

https://xpil.eu/xlr


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/yjr

In a 100 years, having I am not a robot test on your website is going to be considered discriminating.

https://xpil.eu/yjr


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/bnr

Verb is a noun.

https://xpil.eu/bnr


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/k9m

There are two hard things in computer science: cache invalidation, naming things, and off-by-one errors.

https://xpil.eu/k9m


?

https://xpil.eu/97q

Do I contradict myself?
Very well then, I contradict myself.
I am large, I contain multitudes.

https://xpil.eu/97q


Walt Whitman

https://xpil.eu/av2

The most average person on earth is a 24.3 year old Christian Chinese Man making $9,733 a year with 2.333 children and will eventually die from heart disease.

https://xpil.eu/av2


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/bma

Your passwords are like your genitals: a lot less people actually want to see them than you think.

https://xpil.eu/bma


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/i4i

If you die a virgin, you are the first of your lineage to do so in all of history.

https://xpil.eu/i4i


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/x3q

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

https://xpil.eu/x3q


George Carlin

https://xpil.eu/gqs

A key ring is a great device which enables us to lose all ours keys at once.

https://xpil.eu/gqs


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/gye

You know when two people kiss, they form a continuous tube with a butthole on each end.

https://xpil.eu/gye


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/kch

English is a hard language, but It can be understood through tough thorough thought though.

https://xpil.eu/kch


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/1uf

I rarely drink alcohol to the point of puking, but I always drink coffee to the point of pooping.

https://xpil.eu/1uf


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/0ul

We live in a age where we have to prove to machines that we are not machines.

https://xpil.eu/0ul


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/tgg

Hiding your Safe in a safe place is the safest thing you can do to keep your Safe safe.

https://xpil.eu/tgg


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/dvd

Ketchup makes a pretty good fake blood, but blood makes a pretty bad fake ketchup.

https://xpil.eu/dvd


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/o57

To, co mały komputer może z wielkim programem, może też wielki komputer z programem małym; stąd wniosek logiczny, iż program nieskończenie duży może działać sam, tj. bez jakiegokolwiek komputera.

https://xpil.eu/o57


Profesor Dońda

https://xpil.eu/cbb

Odległy musi być czas, w którym kandydatów na najwyższe stanowiska jakichkolwiek państw będzie się kierowało na egzaminacyjne filtry, ażeby umysłowości wielostronnie marne bez wszelkiego miłosierdzia kierować do robót publicznych.

https://xpil.eu/cbb


Stanisław Lem

https://xpil.eu/dba

Any employer that requires you to have a “Rock Star Attitude” seem to be completely unaware as to how actual rock stars act.

https://xpil.eu/dba


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/buk

The original Star Wars movies could instantly become a comedy if Darth Vaders breathing noise was a harmonica.

https://xpil.eu/buk


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/pz8

There should be a “Toilet Paper Sampler” that sends me one roll of each major brand/type in a package, labeled with which one is which, so I can try them side by side and decide which one I like best.

https://xpil.eu/pz8


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/1wf

If bees made beer, we would be taking better care of them.

https://xpil.eu/1wf


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/c1r

As a kid your bed is in the corner of the room so you have more room for playing. As an adult your bed is in the center of the room for the exact same reason.

https://xpil.eu/c1r


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/tz6

There must be anti-vaxxers who laugh at the flat-earthers and vice versa.

https://xpil.eu/tz6


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/eu6

The scientific field with the most groundbreaking discoveries is geology.

https://xpil.eu/eu6


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/aq4

- Jednak magia mocno zmienia człowieka - powiedział Harry Potter, drapiąc się ogonem po płetwach.

https://xpil.eu/aq4


JM

https://xpil.eu/twd

Fame is based on how many people who you don’t know, know you.

https://xpil.eu/twd


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/fe8

Every single knife is cutting edge technology.

https://xpil.eu/fe8


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/n9h

No one knows what’s next, but everybody does it.

https://xpil.eu/n9h


George Carlin

It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends on his not understanding it.


Upton Sinclair

https://xpil.eu/bl9

When you’re criticised for being short, they’re really just saying the worse thing about you is that there isn’t more of you.

https://xpil.eu/bl9


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/xtn

The planet is fine. The people are fucked.

https://xpil.eu/xtn


George Carlin

https://xpil.eu/haj

When I was a kid I thought all adults were smart and could be trusted. Now that I’m an adult, most adults are idiots and full of crap.

https://xpil.eu/haj


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/s3j

If you lose your left arm, your right will be left and you’ll be all right.

https://xpil.eu/s3j


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/cuf

Hasbro has a monopoly on games and a game on monopolies.

https://xpil.eu/cuf


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/bky

If I run a red light my picture is taken in HD but someone robs a bank and the video looks like footage from minecraft.

https://xpil.eu/bky


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/coz

Ludzie dzielą się na trzy kategorie: na tych co potrafią liczyć i na tych co nie potrafią.

https://xpil.eu/coz


Autor nieznany

https://xpil.eu/8q9

What if Pi is just the random seed for our universe.

https://xpil.eu/8q9


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/67r

Prison inmates probably have better sleep schedules than most of us.

https://xpil.eu/67r


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/noa

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.

https://xpil.eu/noa


George Carlin

https://xpil.eu/7mk

You don’t realise how much you normally fart until you have visitors.

https://xpil.eu/7mk


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/aju

People associate wearing glasses with being smart, but you have to fail a test to get them.

https://xpil.eu/aju


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/i4r

You’re unlikely to see negative reviews when shopping online for a parachute.

https://xpil.eu/i4r


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/6hq

The best part about using the bathroom at a child’s birthday party is that you can pee all over the seat and everyone will think it was one of the kids who did it.

https://xpil.eu/6hq


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/4wk

Did you hear about the clock maker who was the first to add a second hand to a clock?

His first prototype was a complete failure, but he got it working the second time.

https://xpil.eu/4wk


An old joke

https://xpil.eu/4z8

The teenagers that made fun of me in school for being nerd and playing a musical instrument are now adults who want their kids to perform like I did in school.

https://xpil.eu/4z8


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/djt

The world is not getting worse, the data is getting better.

https://xpil.eu/djt


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/c35

Here is a list of top 10 binary numbers: 1, 0

https://xpil.eu/c35


NN

https://xpil.eu/87t

If you say hi to someone named Jack, they have technically been hijacked.

https://xpil.eu/87t


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/gtz

Two eyebrows are just enough, one eyebrow is way too much!

https://xpil.eu/gtz


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/t7n

A girlfriend is someone you mate with. A mate is someone you’re friends with.

https://xpil.eu/t7n


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ok4

Rather than give candy to kids who don’t need it, what if we gave food to the homeless once a year.

https://xpil.eu/ok4


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/03o

Jak zaaranżować całkowity brak aranżacji?

https://xpil.eu/03o


Stanisław Lem

https://xpil.eu/nzi

The word bed is shaped like a bed.

https://xpil.eu/nzi


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ry7

Food being real is now considered selling point rather than being a given.

https://xpil.eu/ry7


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/sqe

If you step on a person’s foot, they open their mouth just like a garbage can.

https://xpil.eu/sqe


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/48n

It’d be ironic to die in your house’s living room.

https://xpil.eu/48n


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/v34

The truth is like fertilizer. It’s shitty but it helps you grow.

https://xpil.eu/v34


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/78m

Paying for contact lenses every month is essentially paying a monthly subscription to see life in HD.

https://xpil.eu/78m


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/i73

We eat chickens both before they’re born and after they die.

https://xpil.eu/i73


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ftx

Brytyjscy uczeni skrzyżowali paluszki rybne. Wyszły rybne krzyżyki.

https://xpil.eu/ftx


JM

https://xpil.eu/6z1

Hearing “You’re on mute” is embarrassing but not as much as hearing “You’re not on mute”.

https://xpil.eu/6z1


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/lwv

Glitter is litterally 85.7% litter.

https://xpil.eu/lwv


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/jgj

If a 9 year old used an anti-aging cream that made your skin look 10 years younger, would they disappear?

https://xpil.eu/jgj


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/y9a

‘You’re smarter than you look’ is both an insult and a compliment.

https://xpil.eu/y9a


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/dmm

If you get pulled over and none of the five children in your car are wearing a seat belt you’re probably going to jail. But if you get pulled over and none of the 20 children in the vehicle are wearing seat belts, you’re probably driving a school bus.

https://xpil.eu/dmm


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/rrt

The guy saying “the only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun” is the guy trying to sell two guns.

https://xpil.eu/rrt


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/yap

Maybe plants are really farming us, giving us oxygen until we eventually expire and turn into mulch which they can consume.

https://xpil.eu/yap


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/k1a

Toxic family is way way way worse than toxic friends, colleagues and strangers.

https://xpil.eu/k1a


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/12f

Maybe plants are farming us, giving us oxygen to breathe so we can die and turn into mulch for them.

https://xpil.eu/12f


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/72z

A group of squids should be a squad.

https://xpil.eu/72z


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/wu8

“Where are you” is a relatively modern question if you think about it.

https://xpil.eu/wu8


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/etw

The tooth fairy is actually just a black market organ dealer.

https://xpil.eu/etw


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/pik

Po tym, co rząd zrobił narodowi, rząd się powinien z narodem ożenić.

https://xpil.eu/pik


JM

https://xpil.eu/2gm

Germans should use an Ü instead of 🙂

https://xpil.eu/2gm


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/389

The worst part about being a giraffe is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you’re sinking into quicksand.

https://xpil.eu/389


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/1zj

If the purpose of existence is procreation, then, ultimately, we’re all just ads for our DNA.

https://xpil.eu/1zj


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/la3

Hanging around is another thing tortoises are very good at. They’re practically world champions.

https://xpil.eu/la3


Terry Pratchett

https://xpil.eu/73i

It’s okay to be ugly because under all of the skin and meat and stuff, we’re all just skeletons, and skeletons are cool.

https://xpil.eu/73i


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/5ne

The fact that stars are paid more than scientists shows that we value entertaining more than progress.

https://xpil.eu/5ne


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/v8m

Jeśli płacicie ludziom za to, że nie pracują, a każecie im płacić podatki gdy pracują, nie dziwcie się, że macie bezrobocie.

https://xpil.eu/v8m


Milton Friedman

https://xpil.eu/44z

If Elvis were alive today he’d be screaming in his coffin.

https://xpil.eu/44z


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/zy8

He was a slave: at word he went and came;
His iron collar cut him to the bone.
Then Liberty erased his owner’s name,
Tightened the rivets and inscribed his own.

https://xpil.eu/zy8


G.J.

https://xpil.eu/raa

Somewhere in the UK there is a person who is 14,458,219th in line to be the British Monarch, and they don’t even know it.

https://xpil.eu/raa


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/l0u

Life is an STD. Sexually transmitted and 100% fatal.

https://xpil.eu/l0u


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ee1

“All natural” is not the same as “good for you”. Arsenic is all natural.

https://xpil.eu/ee1


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/jpu

Your stomach is always filled with warm vomit.

https://xpil.eu/jpu


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/sy2

I will not rest until I find a cure for my insomnia

https://xpil.eu/sy2


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/q9v

Alabama is 57% A

https://xpil.eu/q9v


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/gvu

Your nose smells the outside of your body when you inhale, but it doesn’t smell the inside of your body when you exhale.

https://xpil.eu/gvu


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/nmn

If you had an elephant shaped phone, would it be an elephone or a telephant?

https://xpil.eu/nmn


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/618

His sister had been sent down to the village to ask Mistress Garlick the witch how you stopped spelling recommendation.

https://xpil.eu/618


Terry Pratchett

https://xpil.eu/cey

Relationship is like a fart. If you have to force it, it’s probably shit.

https://xpil.eu/cey


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/mze

Youngest person alive is the most often broken world record.

https://xpil.eu/mze


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/mhv

Correct punctuation is the difference between a sentence that is well-written and one that is, well, written.

https://xpil.eu/mhv


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/t8z

Every time the Guinness Book Of World Records adds a new kind of world record to the book, it breaks the world record for having the most world records compiled into a single book.

https://xpil.eu/t8z


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/lrw

If I wrote a book titled “How to fail” and it never sold a single copy, it would be a success.

https://xpil.eu/lrw


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/hdg

Designating a smoking area in a cafe is like having a peeing section in a pool.

https://xpil.eu/hdg


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/y95

We celebrate someone’s birthday by having them blow their germs all over a cake, then serving that to everyone around.

https://xpil.eu/y95


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ufu

Gdyby wilk nie zaczepił w ciemnym lesie nieznanej dziewczynki w czerwonej czapeczce, nadal by żył.

https://xpil.eu/ufu


JM

https://xpil.eu/g4q

Everyone in the UK is trying to gain pounds, while everyone in the US is trying to lose them.

https://xpil.eu/g4q


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/qb2

I feel like 90% of being good with nunchucks is just not reacting when you hit yourself.

https://xpil.eu/qb2


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/l79

It becomes less and less acceptable to cry in public the older you get, despite the reasons for doing so becoming more and more valid.

https://xpil.eu/l79


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/urr

From birth to death, life is essentially a body’s journey from one hole to another.

https://xpil.eu/urr


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/t84

Writing was invented from scratch.

https://xpil.eu/t84


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/xgf

Ludzie są jak morze — czasem łagodni i przyjaźni, czasem burzliwi i zdradliwi. Przede wszystkim to jednak woda.

https://xpil.eu/xgf


Albert Einstein

https://xpil.eu/6jc

Jeżeli w parówce jest mięso, to znaczy, że w zakładzie produkcyjnym miał miejsce nieszczęśliwy wypadek.

https://xpil.eu/6jc


JM

https://xpil.eu/6rw

The “g” in benign is benign

https://xpil.eu/6rw


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/l3z

In the 1960s, people fantasized the 21st century would have robotic vacuums, still have cats as pets, and some visionaries might have even predicted on-demand video. But nobody could have predicted the 21st century would have thousands of on-demand videos depicting cats riding on robotic vacuums.

https://xpil.eu/l3z


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/nr7

I’m almost 150 lbs and just ate a burrito that was about a pound and a half. I’m 1% burrito.

https://xpil.eu/nr7


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/mfr

Earphones tangle themselves up and shoelaces untangle themselves, which is the complete opposite to what we want them to do.

https://xpil.eu/mfr


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/xm4

Someone claiming you’re defensive is a pretty hard claim to refute.

https://xpil.eu/xm4


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/l4o

- Dlaczego Pannę Młodą przenosi się przez próg?
- A pralkę i zmywarkę to wnosisz czy sama wchodzi?

https://xpil.eu/l4o


JM

https://xpil.eu/81u

When you’re young, you think older people have an age advantage over you. When you’re old, you think younger people have an age advantage over you.

https://xpil.eu/81u


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/Qxd82

All men like to think they’re marrying nymphomaniacs. The problem is, after few years the nympho leaves and the maniac stays.

https://xpil.eu/Qxd82


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/6yf

Real friends are those who shit on your face and praise you behind your back.

https://xpil.eu/6yf


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/59k

If you wrap your hand around a tree and lick the ground, planet Earth temporarily becomes a lollipop.

https://xpil.eu/59k


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/zjn

If you aren’t confident about your looks, just remember that you look like your ancestors and they all got laid.

https://xpil.eu/zjn


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/hee

There is almost nothing better than consensual sex. There is almost nothing worse than nonconsensual sex.

https://xpil.eu/hee


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/dzr

Horror movies used to fuel my nightmares, I miss that, now it just takes watching the news

https://xpil.eu/dzr


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/8a5

Cell phones bring us closer to people that are far away - and separates us from people that are nearby.

https://xpil.eu/8a5


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/l4r

Since animals and plants are mostly made of water, the evolution of all life is really the story of planets developing oceans and then eventually watching those oceans get up and start walking around.

https://xpil.eu/l4r


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/1eh

Have you ever noticed that their stuff is shit and your shit is stuff?

https://xpil.eu/1eh


George Carlin

https://xpil.eu/ysw

Life is like a box of chocolates, halfway through you realise how much you hate yourself.

https://xpil.eu/ysw


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/a6y

Theme parks can snap a crystal clear picture of you on a roller coaster at 70 mph, but bank cameras can’t get a clear shot of a robber standing still.

https://xpil.eu/a6y


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/6mg

If they put a Pokestop on the moon we’d get back there within 6 months.

https://xpil.eu/6mg


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/s1g

Calling your Dad a motherfucker is a 100% accurate statement

https://xpil.eu/s1g


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/aas

Programmers prefer dark mode because light attracts bugs.

https://xpil.eu/aas


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/bfj

When you look at the moonlight reflected off of the water, you’re seeing light from plasma, reflected off of a solid, that was then refracted by a gas, and then ultimately reflected by liquid. All forms of matter coming together.

https://xpil.eu/bfj


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/9dn

There is no clear understanding on how olive oil loses its virginity.

https://xpil.eu/9dn


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/2qt

Doors are for when you need a wall, but don’t really want it there.

https://xpil.eu/2qt


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/510

Science is changing beliefs to fit observations, religion is ignoring observations to maintain beliefs.

https://xpil.eu/510


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/a1v

Have we checked all foods if exploding makes them better or did we just stop at corn?

https://xpil.eu/a1v


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/cye

Screaming and yelling at customer service is like punching a monitor when your CPU fucks up

https://xpil.eu/cye


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/m31

Kobiety dochowują tajemnic, grupowo, po 20-30 osób.

https://xpil.eu/m31


JM

https://xpil.eu/bgy

The adjective for metal is metallic, but that’s not the case for iron, which by the virtue of the situation is ironic.

https://xpil.eu/bgy


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/qzw

If you dig a trench beneath miners in order to sabotage them, you are mining under miners to undermine them

https://xpil.eu/qzw


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/o4t

If you hit a person with an EV will you be charged for battery?

https://xpil.eu/o4t


W. Smith

https://xpil.eu/5ke

The biggest step in any relationship is not the first kiss…it’s the first fart.

https://xpil.eu/5ke


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/82o

In the phrase “a part” the “a” is apart from the other half, but in “apart” the “a” is a part of the word.

https://xpil.eu/82o


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/n4x

Confidence is thinking you’re competent. Arrogance is thinking you’re competent and everyone else isn’t.

https://xpil.eu/n4x


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/xzu

Bussinesses use the term ‘The cloud’ because “Store all your pictures on some one else’s computer" is something that no one would fall for.

https://xpil.eu/xzu


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/f6w

People don’t like it when you share your opinion. They only like when you share their opinion.

https://xpil.eu/f6w


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/mxt

Firefly is the exact opposite of waterfall.

https://xpil.eu/mxt


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/hvy

Urodziłam się z niewystarczającą ilością środkowych palców, żeby pokazać ci jak się czuję.

https://xpil.eu/hvy


JM

https://xpil.eu/9qk

We talk about Ancient Romans like they were basically all the same, but the civilization lasted almost 1000 years. That’s like saying people in 2016 and 1016 are basically the same.

https://xpil.eu/9qk


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/p1q

If Satan punishes sinners isn’t he technically the good guy?

https://xpil.eu/p1q


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/i0a

I sit at work in front of a computer all day just to afford to sit at home in front of a computer all night.

https://xpil.eu/i0a


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/czv

"listen" is an anagram for "silent"

https://xpil.eu/czv


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/amx

If I say “fast food ice machines are as clean as fast food restaurant toilets” people panic; but if I say “fast food restaurant toilets are as clean as fast food ice machines” people applaud restroom cleanliness.

https://xpil.eu/amx


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/23k

Solar Energy is actually Nuclear Energy but from a safe distance.

https://xpil.eu/23k


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/3n9

Reading is just staring at a dead piece of wood for hours and hallucinating.

https://xpil.eu/3n9


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/8cv

One fly flies, but many flies fly.

https://xpil.eu/8cv


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/dox

The second hand on a clock is the third hand.

https://xpil.eu/dox


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/d62

Oddział zakaźny szpitala wojewódzkiego poszukuje specjalisty od zaraz.

https://xpil.eu/d62


JM

https://xpil.eu/8ck

No one can be the least interesting person in the world, because that would make them more interesting.

https://xpil.eu/8ck


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/omn

You think you know every function on the TV remote until your dog steps on it.

https://xpil.eu/omn


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/576

When you’re a kid you want your teeth to fall out for monetary reasons. When you’re an adult you want your teeth to stay intact for monetary reasons.

https://xpil.eu/576


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ljg

Children are given false expectations of how important knowing the difference between stalactites and stalagmites will be in later life.

https://xpil.eu/ljg


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/7w2

Do you realise, it will only take one human to be immortal to make the average human lifespan infinite.

https://xpil.eu/7w2


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/8l8

Unprotected sex in October causes Cancers.

https://xpil.eu/8l8


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/lgf

Pie in Jamaica costs $3.00 and $2.50 in the Bahamas. These are the pie-rates of the Caribbean.

https://xpil.eu/lgf


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ns2

My 15 year old self would be appalled to hear how many times I’ve chosen sleep over sex

https://xpil.eu/ns2


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/qpm

Opera happens because a large number of things amazingly fail to go wrong.

https://xpil.eu/qpm


Terry Pratchett

https://xpil.eu/jaq

If banks made 6 billion dollars from overdraft fees last year, then banks made 6 billion off of people who don’t have money.

https://xpil.eu/jaq


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/gmw

On internet people don’t want to hear your opinion. They just want to hear you saying their opinion.

https://xpil.eu/gmw


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/cxe

Telling someone you’ll pray for them is basically like telling them “I’ll sit around and think about your problems but I’m not actually going to do anything productive to help you with them”.

https://xpil.eu/cxe


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/i4f

Spiders have 8 legs but octopi have 8 arms.

https://xpil.eu/i4f


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/0y1

Gray is a color, while Grey is a colour.

https://xpil.eu/0y1


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/b6y

Usually, ‘You only live once’ is the exact reason you SHOULDN’T do what you’re about to do.

https://xpil.eu/b6y


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/n95

One day, a random waiter or waitress gave you the kid’s menu for the last time.

https://xpil.eu/n95


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/oj5

Break a mirror its 7 years of bad luck. Break a condom it’s 18.

https://xpil.eu/oj5


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/9si

Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.

https://xpil.eu/9si


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/032

Mass murderers are basically impatient serial killers.

https://xpil.eu/032


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ybj

Trains are horizontal elevators.

https://xpil.eu/ybj


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/dl4

Laughing at your own joke is a lot like masturbation. You’re pretty much the only one getting pleasure out of it and other people usually just feel awkward when you do it around them.

https://xpil.eu/dl4


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ouh

Rubbing alcohol is for wounds on the outside; drinking alcohol is for wounds on the inside.

https://xpil.eu/ouh


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/0kz

Putting puppy ears on a baby is cute. Putting baby ears on a puppy is creepy.

https://xpil.eu/0kz


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/d08

If you are waiting for the waiter, aren’t you the waiter?

https://xpil.eu/d08


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/3lb

At age 30, you’ve spent a month having birthdays.

https://xpil.eu/3lb


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/fgp

When people say they love the smell of autumn, they’re basically saying they love the smell of dying plants, leaf rot and mold.

https://xpil.eu/fgp


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/aoi

Seasoning meat is just putting dead plants on top of dead animals.

https://xpil.eu/aoi


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ia6

Study shows that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

And that's because monkeys are difficult to cook...

https://xpil.eu/ia6


W. Smith

https://xpil.eu/s6a

Smart people have poor eyesight because lower graphics make your brain run faster.

https://xpil.eu/s6a


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/uhf

TAG is an acronym for touch and go.

https://xpil.eu/uhf


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/8hd

Strict vegans shouldn’t listen to music played on violins, cellos, drums or pianos with ivory keys.

https://xpil.eu/8hd


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/dgp

Water is the solution to everything! Thirsty? Drink water. Dry skin? Drink water. Get rid of your enemies? Drown them.

https://xpil.eu/dgp


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/twr

Boobs are like train sets. They are made for kids, but dads enjoy them more.

https://xpil.eu/twr


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/gdm

Life is like eating your favorite meal. At first your excited to eat it so you go through it fast. Then you slowly realize there is less and less of it and you should have taken your time with it. You try to slow it down, but eventually there is no more left.

https://xpil.eu/gdm


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/vvc

Learning English is difficult, but it can be taught through tough thorough thought though.

https://xpil.eu/vvc


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ibl

There are more people offended by people being offended by everything than people who are offended by everything.

https://xpil.eu/ibl


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/dfj

It’s not drinking alone if you’re pregnant.

https://xpil.eu/dfj


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/djq

If you shoot a door lock in Star Wars it opens it, locks it, prevents it from ever being opened or locked again, or won’t hold them for long. Whatever you want; they don’t give a shit.

https://xpil.eu/djq


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ktr

Most people dressing up for dates want to be seen in nice clothes just to improve the chances of being seen in no clothes.

https://xpil.eu/ktr


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/572

I’m pretty sure the urinal was invented when a tall dude walked by a sink and thought “why not?”.

https://xpil.eu/572


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/s3n

Chess was one of the first games to feature a strong female lead.

https://xpil.eu/s3n


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/7gz

Allergies to pollen is just your body rejecting the sexual advances of a different look lifeform. Perhaps it’s the people without allergies who are the sickos.

https://xpil.eu/7gz


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/feb

15 years ago, the internet was an escape from the real world. Now, the real world is the escape from the internet.

https://xpil.eu/feb


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/mr8

Rainbows are made in the ocean.

https://xpil.eu/mr8


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/jmx

If we used horses instead of cars, we would have grass stations instead of gas stations.

https://xpil.eu/jmx


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/rpo

Everyone is self centered, the radius differs.

https://xpil.eu/rpo


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/re6

Just as potential employers can ask for references from past employers, potential employees should be able to ask for references from past employees.

https://xpil.eu/re6


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/xz4

Somebody’s therapist probably knows a lot about you.

https://xpil.eu/xz4


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/p8t

If Pinocchio says his nose is gonna grow he breaks the universe.

https://xpil.eu/p8t


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/2qb

Film 300 opowiada historię o Black Friday oczami pracowników Walmartu pod wpływem LSD.

https://xpil.eu/2qb


mahhu / JM

https://xpil.eu/8i9

Naming Iceland Iceland and Greenland Greenland is one of the biggest trolls of all time.

https://xpil.eu/8i9


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/qgr

There are people that will not press a button because they don’t know what it does and there are others that will press it to know what it does.

https://xpil.eu/qgr


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/04w

Do Australians have to say "checkmate mate" so that the other player doesn’t think they’re saying "check mate"?

https://xpil.eu/04w


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/wy4

A church is a book club that has been stuck with the same book.

https://xpil.eu/wy4


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/et9

Alkoholik Marian zamiast kubków ma kieliszki smakowe.

https://xpil.eu/et9


JM

https://xpil.eu/p13

We can communicate with NASA’s Voyager 2 that is 18 billion miles from Earth, yet there are still places on our planet where you get no cell phone service.

https://xpil.eu/p13


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/6il

The redo button is the undo button for the undo button.

https://xpil.eu/6il


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/kbn

There are 6.02x10^23 guacas in a guacamole.

https://xpil.eu/kbn


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/0e0

People that got dumped by astronauts shouldn’t feel bad. It wasn’t that they were a bad partner. They just needed space.

https://xpil.eu/0e0


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/j5y

Arguing with smart people is hard, but arguing with stupid people is impossible.

https://xpil.eu/j5y


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/kll

Saying you sleep 8 hours a day sounds perfectly normal. But, saying you sleep 4 months a year sounds insane.

https://xpil.eu/kll


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/5an

Set a candle on fire, it burns for a couple hours. Set a man on fire, it burns for a lifetime.

https://xpil.eu/5an


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/k9t

The Internet is a great place for discussing important topics because we can pause, think, and even research before responding. Instead we just think of better ways to insult each other.

https://xpil.eu/k9t


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/pow

Having a cat is a lot like having a college roommate. Most of the time you each do your own thing, but occasionally you hang out. Also, they sometimes try to eat your food and throw up in your laundry.

https://xpil.eu/pow


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/vrc

Weird how shoelaces untie themselves and headphone cords tie themselves.

https://xpil.eu/vrc


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/lqx

The nose is the most breathtaking part of the body.

https://xpil.eu/lqx


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/d4b

Dentists are reverse tooth fairies; they give you teeth and then take your money.

https://xpil.eu/d4b


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/k90

If you’re no longer covered by your parent’s health insurance, your manufacturer’s warranty is over.

https://xpil.eu/k90


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/23q

The Egyptians were centuries ahead of us in terms of posting pictures of cats on their walls.

https://xpil.eu/23q


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/1uc

In 1916, the average person owned a horse and was considered “rich” if they owned a car. In 2016, it’s the other way around.

https://xpil.eu/1uc


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/kk3

Instead of LMAO or LOL, I’m gonna start using BATMN (blew air through my nose) because that’s what I really do when I read something funny.

https://xpil.eu/kk3


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/r0r

Intelligence is like underwear. It’s important that you have it, but not necessary that you show it off.

https://xpil.eu/r0r


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/isj

A kid napping is an incredible relief while a kidnapping is quite the opposite.

https://xpil.eu/isj


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/xh0

If you’re the mother of only sons, you’ve broken a chain of having daughters that goes all the way back to the very beginning of time.

https://xpil.eu/xh0


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/iel

Let me not finish that sentence and offend you any further.

https://xpil.eu/iel


N.N.

https://xpil.eu/zu8

In 2008, I bought an iPhone because it was the only phone with a 3.5mm jack. Now it’s the only phone without a 3.5mm jack.

https://xpil.eu/zu8


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/6p3

Bardzo chciałbym odżywiać się prawidłowo, ale niestety mam kubki smakowe.

https://xpil.eu/6p3


JM

https://xpil.eu/2q1

We use tables to keep food off the floor, tablecloths to keep food off the table, place mats to keep food off the tablecloth, and plates to keep food off of the place mats. I wish I had that kind of support in my life.

https://xpil.eu/2q1


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/3px

Blondynkom to dobrze, im nie rosną zęby mądrości.

https://xpil.eu/3px


JM

https://xpil.eu/vxy

If you’re a healthy woman born in 1999, you have the highest odds out of all of us to live in three different centuries. Nice.

https://xpil.eu/vxy


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/5ww

It’s weird how we teach kids to never take candy from strangers, and also celebrate a holiday specifically for kids to take candy from strangers.

https://xpil.eu/5ww


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/sdp

At a funeral, people cry and want their loved one back. But if the corpse woke up and started talking, they would scream and run away from their loved one.

https://xpil.eu/sdp


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/0tf

People seem to use “life is short” to justify doing something that will make it shorter.

https://xpil.eu/0tf


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/poy

If you’re skydiving and your parachute breaks you have the rest of your life to fix it.

https://xpil.eu/poy


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/7ax

Our atmosphere is so thick that birds can fly through it just by flapping their weird arms.

https://xpil.eu/7ax


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/t7g

I wonder how child custody battles would be different if the kid got to live in the same house full time and the parents had to move in/out every week.

https://xpil.eu/t7g


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/fcd

Running would sound way different if our buttcracks were horizontal.

https://xpil.eu/fcd


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/5ve

The Universe seems neither benign nor hostile, merely indifferent.

https://xpil.eu/5ve


Carl Sagan

https://xpil.eu/707

It is literally impossible for a Chinese speaker to be a flat-earther as the Chinese word for “Earth” is 地球, which literally translates as “ground sphere” or “ground ball”

https://xpil.eu/707


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/dg2

Just bought an audiobook version of the dictionary.

Says it all, really...

https://xpil.eu/dg2


W. Smith

https://xpil.eu/6tl

They still make microphones that are larger than regular phones.

https://xpil.eu/6tl


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/meq

If people one day woke up and became happy with themselves, imagine how many industries would run out of business.

https://xpil.eu/meq


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/3h4

Everyone was born with a limited amount of fucks to give. During your teenage years you give a ton and slowly give less and less from there.

https://xpil.eu/3h4


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/6tf

I’ve been overwhelmed. I’ve been underwhelmed… Have I ever been whelmed?

https://xpil.eu/6tf


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/vse

Please don’t come to my garage sale if you’ve ever let me borrow something.

https://xpil.eu/vse


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/eqq

How old does a grave have to for grave robbing to become archeology?

https://xpil.eu/eqq


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ww3

If a woman doesn’t want a baby it’s her choice, If a guy doesn’t want a baby he is avoiding his responsibility.

https://xpil.eu/ww3


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/1r8

If faster than light speed travel is ever invented, one could theoretically travel some distance, get a telescope, and watch them self get there.

https://xpil.eu/1r8


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/eke

I had a crazy dream last night! I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. Turns out it was just a Fanta sea.

https://xpil.eu/eke


W. Smith

https://xpil.eu/96m

Peter Parker is so lucky his genes made it so that he shots web out of his hand and not his butthole like any other spider.

https://xpil.eu/96m


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/kix

Roughly, there are pi seconds in a nano-century.

https://xpil.eu/kix


Colin

https://xpil.eu/ttb

A flat earther, who was vaccinated as a child, warned me not to vaccinate my kids because it’ll make them stupid.

https://xpil.eu/ttb


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/in2

If aliens are monitoring our media and 98% of the internet is porn…They’re not giving us anal probes; they’re just trying to speak the language.

https://xpil.eu/in2


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/bbl

Multitasking is the opportunity to screw up more than one thing at a time.

https://xpil.eu/bbl


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/bhh

The Wizard of Oz is the ultimate chick flick…two women trying to kill each other over shoes.

https://xpil.eu/bhh


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/xzt

One day I want to be rich enough to need a cart when shopping at Best Buy.

https://xpil.eu/xzt


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/hg1

If we really are being spied on with our smartphones, there must be tens of petabytes of fart noises stored somewhere.

https://xpil.eu/hg1


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/zyq

If money doesn’t bring you happiness that’s because you’re not spending it right...

https://xpil.eu/zyq


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/mrs

If you steal somebody’s music, you are taking notes.

https://xpil.eu/mrs


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/05f

During every cremation at a funeral, there is a point where the meat is perfectly cooked.

https://xpil.eu/05f


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/43l

Someone who says he will be there in 6 minutes, will most likely show up earlier, than someone who says he will be there in 5 minutes.

https://xpil.eu/43l


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/kv9

If people were allowed to marry animals, penguins would already be dressed for the occasion.

https://xpil.eu/kv9


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/5zt

If you are born poor it’s not your mistake, but if you die poor it’s your mistake.

https://xpil.eu/5zt


Bill Gates

https://xpil.eu/fhi

A zoo is a really safe place to fart.

https://xpil.eu/fhi


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/279

Najfajniejszy zawód medyczny - laryngolog. Siedzisz sobie cały dzień dłubiąc w nosie i w uszach.

https://xpil.eu/279


JM

https://xpil.eu/m3w

The Empire has built 3 deaths stars, each to be the most powerful weapon in the galaxy. They have all been destroyed by x-wings. The Empire needs to invest in x-wings.

https://xpil.eu/m3w


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/zw0

“Make the little things in life count” would be a great motivational quote for a kindergarten math teacher.

https://xpil.eu/zw0


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/7p5

Children are like a free app with a crap ton of in app purchases.

https://xpil.eu/7p5


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/14k

The only difference between skiing and water skiing is the temperature of the water.

https://xpil.eu/14k


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/4dy

Toasters were the first pop-up notification.

https://xpil.eu/4dy


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/f1x

Maybe it’s not that you lost a sock in the drier, but that you actually gained an extra sock.

https://xpil.eu/f1x


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/xm9

The use of birth control by responsible people is slowly replacing the human race with irresponsible people who get pregnant unintentionally.

https://xpil.eu/xm9


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/fri

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

https://xpil.eu/fri


George Carlin

https://xpil.eu/c0f

Time is the only currency you absolutely will run out of, spend it wisely. Don’t spend it on hating people for disagreeing with you.

https://xpil.eu/c0f


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/1ar

“Selfie Stick” sounds more like a sex toy than a phone accessory.

https://xpil.eu/1ar


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/zfz

The first person to be scientifically made to be immortal will probably be killed by religious extremists.

https://xpil.eu/zfz


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/6ug

Birth is the #1 cause of deaths.

https://xpil.eu/6ug


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/isd

The fact that stars are paid more than scientists shows that we value entertaining more than progress.

https://xpil.eu/isd


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/8v7

Note to self: Your neighbors do not find it amusing when you put on your renaissance outfit and roll your wheelbarrow through the street calling, “Bring out your dead!” at 7a.m.

https://xpil.eu/8v7


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/euf

Losing your voice when you talk too much is your body’s way of telling you to stfu.

https://xpil.eu/euf


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/eee

We can get thousands of idiots to pee on their phones if somebody created a pregnancy test app.

https://xpil.eu/eee


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/rzh

Past tense of Wyoming is Wyomed.

https://xpil.eu/rzh


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/583

There are 3 types of people with more than 10 items in the “10 Items or Less” lane; People who can’t read, people who can’t count, and assholes.

https://xpil.eu/583


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/3v7

My phone’s response to a low battery is to vibrate, turn the screen on, show a visual warning & chime loudly. This seems counter-productive.

https://xpil.eu/3v7


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ck4

- Jaki jest najbardziej szkodliwy kosmetyk?
- Szminka na koszuli.

https://xpil.eu/ck4


JM

https://xpil.eu/f8m

You can always tell when they use fake dinosaurs in movies.

https://xpil.eu/f8m


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/t38

Some day, someone will be the last person to ever think of you, and you will finally cease to exist.

https://xpil.eu/t38


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/078

If a shaved guinea pig looks like a tiny hippopotamus. A hippopotamus with hair would probably look like a giant guinea pig.

https://xpil.eu/078


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/889

I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.

https://xpil.eu/889


George Carlin

https://xpil.eu/6lg

In the Middle Ages they catapulted diseased bodies into cities to infect the population, now we have Anti-Vax parents sending their children into schools to virtually the same effect.

https://xpil.eu/6lg


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/lw7

The opposite of a nightmare is a daystallion.

https://xpil.eu/lw7


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/824

Does a straw have one hole or two?

https://xpil.eu/824


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/qdb

Gdyby wziąć wszystkie ziemskie słonie i poustawiać je jeden na drugim aż do Księżyca, to wszystkie te słonie by umarły.

https://xpil.eu/qdb


?

https://xpil.eu/rim

Zombies are the only ones who genuinely prefer brains over looks.

https://xpil.eu/rim


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/myz

- Jaki język jest najczęściej używany przez programistów?
- Wulgarny.

https://xpil.eu/myz


JM

https://xpil.eu/cpm

You know you’re getting older when every new person you meet looks like a permutation of people you already know.

https://xpil.eu/cpm


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/szu

If zombies appeared, we would really just put them inside a giant concrete prison, put a “bait hanging in front of you” helmet on them, and tie them to a turbine to generate power.

https://xpil.eu/szu


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/yy0

For centuries, humans have waged war because we can’t agree on which books are fiction and which books are nonfiction.

https://xpil.eu/yy0


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/bku

Nobody can be the least interesting person in the world, as that would make them interesting.

https://xpil.eu/bku


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/7f7

Walking around without a case on my phone is a lot like having sex with girls without a condom. It feels good and looks cool, but I know eventually an expensive accident is gonna happen.

https://xpil.eu/7f7


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/kax

There is a mental warfare in deciding whether to stay up later and suffer the consequences tomorrow, or to go to bed earlier and have tomorrow come sooner.

https://xpil.eu/kax


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/3yt

Here’s some consolation. In at least 200 years, there will be nobody alive who remembers any of the stupid or cringeworthy things you said or did.

https://xpil.eu/3yt


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/xd7

Parents spend the first two years of their children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

https://xpil.eu/xd7


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/65i

Tetris taught me when you fit in you disappear.

https://xpil.eu/65i


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/7ce

Does my cat think the pizza delivery guy is my owner because he brings me food?

https://xpil.eu/7ce


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/1zx

If you rent a 3 dimensional space you’re technically purchasing a 4 dimensional space.

https://xpil.eu/1zx


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/cgk

When your gas tank is empty it is full of gas.

https://xpil.eu/cgk


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ckv

Women see more blood than men. Period.

https://xpil.eu/ckv


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/lue

When I'm not accidentally eating small pieces of plastic or being chased around my garden by a wasp, I like to spend my free time colliding with wooden furniture and using common idioms incorrectly.

https://xpil.eu/lue


W. Smith

https://xpil.eu/5tt

Trojan Condoms named its brand after a creation that was believed to be a gift, but burst open and released its unwelcome contents once inside.

https://xpil.eu/5tt


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/4ez

The news is basically just someone saying good evening and then giving you a list of reasons it’s not.

https://xpil.eu/4ez


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/mza

My dog understand several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

https://xpil.eu/mza


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/hhi

Toilet paper is sold out everywhere due to assholes.

https://xpil.eu/hhi


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/jyh

Earth is an overcrowded mental hospital where fake meanings to life are handed out like candy.

https://xpil.eu/jyh


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/wxv

You live longer when you work out, but that additional time is spent in working out.

https://xpil.eu/wxv


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/3uy

Homeowner has the word meow in it.

https://xpil.eu/3uy


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/fr9

It’s socially acceptable to tell an introvert to be more social but it isn’t socially acceptable to tell an extrovert to spend some time alone and quiet.

https://xpil.eu/fr9


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/vlm

– Wypadek przy pracy. Jakoś tak głupio wyszło. Frajer cuhaltu nie mógł rozblindować. Pomyślałem, że pomogę otworzyć. Co się będzie bidula sam męczył? Zasadziłem ze skoka w drzwi. Dostał zamkiem w łeb, kopyrtnął i wyciął makówą w stojak na kapoty. Zatrzepał kapciami jak Cygan na dyndawce, zipnął tak jakoś smutno i po chłopie. Zakitował w krótkich abcugach. Tragiedia.

https://xpil.eu/vlm


Robcik

https://xpil.eu/zdk

Half the time in internet arguments, it’s not even two people disagreeing. Majority of the time you’re both right, talking about completely different subjects, and not realising it because neither one is listening.

https://xpil.eu/zdk


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/8GcsQ

My wife’s going for a sonogram soon. Or a daughterogram. We’re not sure yet…

https://xpil.eu/8GcsQ


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/xdr

Shaving at 13 feels like something great you’ve been waiting for has finally arrived. Shaving when you’re 30 feels like something you are being made to do at gunpoint by your employer.

https://xpil.eu/xdr


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/bo8

That moment between birth and death is so awkward.

https://xpil.eu/bo8


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/i98

Anyone born on 22nd February 2000, will be 22 on Tuesday, 22 02 2022. They can throw the ultimate Twosday party.

https://xpil.eu/i98


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/duc

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.

https://xpil.eu/duc


George Carlin

https://xpil.eu/q7k

Umbilical cords are like phone chargers, they keep us alive. But when we’re disconnected, we start slowly dying.

https://xpil.eu/q7k


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/gk3

There are no pictures of urban myth creatures and people believe it. There are multiple pictures of round Earth and people don’t believe it.

https://xpil.eu/gk3


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/7gk

Alcohol makes more people than it kills.

https://xpil.eu/7gk


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/fkd

All socks are at least a foot long.

https://xpil.eu/fkd


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/hut

The toothfairy teaches us to sell our body for money.

https://xpil.eu/hut


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/05n

If a man with ginger hair works at a bakery, does that make him a ginger bread man?

https://xpil.eu/05n


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/uy4

Honey is the tastiest of all the insect vomits we have tried so far.

https://xpil.eu/uy4


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ev5

After all the years of being asked in job interviews what my greatest weakness is, I have come to realize that my greatest weakness is the complete inability to think of a good answer to that question.

https://xpil.eu/ev5


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/a54

Gary Numan is older than Garry Oldman, Bill Gates Makes Windows and Tom Holland is from England.

https://xpil.eu/a54


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/wgp

Imagine if your fridge did what you do to it everyday. Every half hour it goes to your room opens the door, and stares at you for 5 mimutes then leaves.

https://xpil.eu/wgp


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/oqn

The average person spends about $8,400 on toilet paper in their lifetime. If you work a minimum wage job it will take you roughly 48 days to make all the money you would need to pay for all that toilet paper. That’s 48 days of your life you will dedicate to a paper product made for wiping your butt.

https://xpil.eu/oqn


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/9h1

Birth certificates are basically receipts for humans.

https://xpil.eu/9h1


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/vax

If you had all the money in the world, everyone else would just create a new currency, and won’t accept the currency you’re holding. And you’ll soon become the poorest man in the world.

https://xpil.eu/vax


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ak5

Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn’t last as long for obese people.

https://xpil.eu/ak5


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/z7t

Tall people are expected to use their reach to help shorter people, but if a tall person were to ask a short person to hand them something they dropped on the floor it’d be insulting.

https://xpil.eu/z7t


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/6vd

We say that Italy is shaped like a boot but the Italian peninsula is a lot older than boots so really boots are the shape of Italy, not the other way around.

https://xpil.eu/6vd


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/cru

The best way to get an answer on the internet isn’t to ask the question but to post the wrong answer.

https://xpil.eu/cru


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ubi

Humans are technically percussion instruments. If you hit them with a stick, they make a sound.

https://xpil.eu/ubi


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/s6f

The first 18 years of our lives are like a giant lag spike in a game, at first everything is fine, then it all unfreezes and you’re at half health and out of ammo.

https://xpil.eu/s6f


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/mnv

Growing up and realizing that nobody actually knows what they’re doing is both comforting and terrifying.

https://xpil.eu/mnv


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/x3u

Game development is just a bunch of people working productively so that others will lose their productivity.

https://xpil.eu/x3u


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/x36

Every time you pass a hospital you’re probably passing a bunch of people who are either having the worst day of their life, the best day of their life, the first day of their life, or the last day of their life.

https://xpil.eu/x36


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/gax

If we are truly alone in the universe, we will never really know.

https://xpil.eu/gax


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/jwr

In real life, you’re scared of people finding your online life. In your online life, you’re scared of people finding your real life.

https://xpil.eu/jwr


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/fc8

Being a blacksmith must have been a real pantydropper back in the day seeing how Smith is the most common surname today.

https://xpil.eu/fc8


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/3c3

Dorastałem dosłownie o rzut kamieniem od tej posesji, na której cała rodzina umarła od tajemniczych urazów głowy.

https://xpil.eu/3c3


JM

https://xpil.eu/tku

Cannibalism has a potential to solve both Hunger and Overpopulation problem.

https://xpil.eu/tku


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/blz

The word “parallel” has a visual representation of its definition within itself.

https://xpil.eu/blz


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/5zr

.sdrawkcab gnihtemos daer ot troffe eht ekam syawla yeht tub yzal eb ot mialc elpoeP

https://xpil.eu/5zr


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/971

Certain privileges become available to you based on the amount of laps you’ve done around the Sun.

https://xpil.eu/971


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/xy6

Life is just collecting people to come to your funeral.

https://xpil.eu/xy6


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/gro

Choose a lazy person to do a hard job. Because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.

https://xpil.eu/gro


Bill Gates

https://xpil.eu/vf7

The Earth is a machine that is slowly turning the sun into humans.

https://xpil.eu/vf7


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/42h

W policji feministki zażądały kur zamiast kogutów na radiowozach.

https://xpil.eu/42h


JM

https://xpil.eu/r1v

Hiccups never truly go away. They just get further apart.

https://xpil.eu/r1v


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/lnj

Though, through, and tough don’t rhyme.

https://xpil.eu/lnj


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/wlc

If you were a C-section baby you were never born, just surgically removed.

https://xpil.eu/wlc


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/98l

If the fat acceptance movement marched enough it would resolve itself.

https://xpil.eu/98l


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/fff

We dont know it yet, but we dress like old people from the future.

https://xpil.eu/fff


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/knk

I wonder how long it takes for a Giraffe to throw up.

https://xpil.eu/knk


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/kjk

Stephen Hawking can get his teeth cleaned by a dentist and still hold a conversation.

https://xpil.eu/kjk


https://xpil.eu/hmv

There was a time, where one could watch all the existing movies within one lifespan.

https://xpil.eu/hmv


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/mt3

A unicycle is an all wheel drive vehicle.

https://xpil.eu/mt3


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/mox

Cats wake their owners up at night to see if they’re still alive and are bummed out ‘cause they can’t eat them yet.

https://xpil.eu/mox


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/elu

An argument against a intelligent person is hard to win, but an argument against a stupid person is impossible to win.

https://xpil.eu/elu


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/3ma

It’s fine to celebrate success but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure.

https://xpil.eu/3ma


Bill Gates

https://xpil.eu/qcf

Someone cuts you and then takes all your money. If it happened in an alley it’s a mugging. If it happened in a hospital its a surgery.

https://xpil.eu/qcf


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/d1l

Your left earphone is either in the right ear or in your right ear.

https://xpil.eu/d1l


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/kdj

Feeding seagulls laxatives and watching them defecate on people is one of the very few times when someone is actually doing something for shits and giggles.

https://xpil.eu/kdj


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/jet

“It totally sucks” is a great review for a vacuum cleaner.

https://xpil.eu/jet


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/pn0

Spotkałem dzisiaj mikrobiologa. Był dużo większy, niż to sobie wyobrażałem.

https://xpil.eu/pn0


JM

https://xpil.eu/p91

We’ve become so advanced that we spend at least the first 20 or so years of our lives getting caught up on the basics of what we’ve figured out so far.

https://xpil.eu/p91


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/rm4

Of course, Ankh-Morpork's citizens had always claimed that the river water was incredibly pure. Any water that had passed through so many kidneys, they reasoned, had to be very pure indeed.

https://xpil.eu/rm4


Terry Pratchett

https://xpil.eu/0s9

The first 18 years of your life are like a free trial and the rest is pay to play.

https://xpil.eu/0s9


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/j84

If Jesus had been stoned to death, Christians would all wear little rocks around their necks

https://xpil.eu/j84


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/hyl

The reason why you haven’t found your soul mate is because maybe you don’t have a soul.

https://xpil.eu/hyl


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/kmc

It is usually better to be able to say something approximate about the right model rather than something more precise about the wrong model.

https://xpil.eu/kmc


Simon Wood

https://xpil.eu/W8CFF

The sentence “I never said she stole my bike” can be read with seven different meanings, depending on which word you emphasize.

https://xpil.eu/W8CFF


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/734

Exceptio probat regulam.

https://xpil.eu/734


NN

https://xpil.eu/wg5

Using ‘half a dozen’ instead of 'six’ is a good example of how complicated human beings are.

https://xpil.eu/wg5


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/eq5

Some people, when confronted with a problem, think ‘I know, I’ll use regular expressions.’ Now they have two problems.

https://xpil.eu/eq5


NN

https://xpil.eu/xtb

Pacman is about a dude who has to take drugs to fight the demons chasing him.

https://xpil.eu/xtb


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/chd

Why don't wheelchairs have pedals for when your arms get tired?

https://xpil.eu/chd


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/2wb

We put clocks in our mobile phones, so we didn’t need to look at watches. Now we put mobile phones in our watches so we don’t need to look at our mobile phones.

https://xpil.eu/2wb


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/uhw

Baristas probably have the worst customer experiences since they have to deal with people before they’ve had their morning coffee.

https://xpil.eu/uhw


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/cji

Water is technically what a rainbow tastes like.

https://xpil.eu/cji


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/ib9

In all the movies, Santa never goes to the house directly next door. He always gets in his sleigh & fucks off like 20 miles east.

https://xpil.eu/ib9


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/i9q

It should be noted that no ethically-trained software engineer would ever consent to write a DestroyBaghdad procedure. Basic professional ethics would instead require him to write a DestroyCity procedure, to which Baghdad could be given as a parameter.

https://xpil.eu/i9q


Nathaniel Borenstein

https://xpil.eu/8lz

I’m gonna live forever, or die trying.

https://xpil.eu/8lz


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/62d

Have you ever realized that anything Vin Diesel eats can be considered as diesel fuel?

https://xpil.eu/62d


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ti2

The Golden Gate Bridge should have a long bungee cord for people who aren’t quite ready to commit suicide but want to get in a little practice.

https://xpil.eu/ti2


George Carlin

https://xpil.eu/krv

An upside of Amnesia would be watching all your favorite movies again for the first time.

https://xpil.eu/krv


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/0bb

Imagine a fish coming into your living room wearing a mask and watching you eat breakfast. That’s what snorkeling is to them you sick weirdo.

https://xpil.eu/0bb


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/qyo

Growing up with Where’s Waldo? books was good training for finding the real download button on a web page.

https://xpil.eu/qyo


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/x0t

An unintended pregnancy is a f*ng accident.

https://xpil.eu/x0t


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/4wv

Everything in the universe is either a potato or not a potato.

https://xpil.eu/4wv


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/atm

Time is money. One buys the other.

https://xpil.eu/atm


?

https://xpil.eu/ucb

- Jakie to jest uczucie: wziąć kredyt w banku?
- To tak jakbyś osrał się na mrozie, na początku jest fajnie, cieplutko...

https://xpil.eu/ucb


JM

https://xpil.eu/m5k

What if the speed of light only exists to hide the fact that the computer our universe is simulated on needs time to render our environment?

https://xpil.eu/m5k


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/wuy

Hypothermia is the coolest way to die.

https://xpil.eu/wuy


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/cyb

If your parachute doesn’t deploy while skydiving, you have the rest of your life to fix it.

https://xpil.eu/cyb


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/e2n

Alcohol is never the answer, but it does make you forget the question.

https://xpil.eu/e2n


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/rs4

When Sting dies will we refer to him as Stung?

https://xpil.eu/rs4


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/8s0

“No kidding” is a great condom slogan.

https://xpil.eu/8s0


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/gvb

One day that will be the last day you have ever seen a goat. And you wont even know it.

https://xpil.eu/gvb


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/7as

The tooth fairy allows us to start selling away our bodies at a young age.

https://xpil.eu/7as


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/uwe

Selling sea shells by the sea shore is probably not the best idea for business.

https://xpil.eu/uwe


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/1bo

If money doesn’t grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?

https://xpil.eu/1bo


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/yg0

People are disgusted by monkeys because they masturbate all the time and fling shit at each other, But thats most of what humans use the internet for as well.

https://xpil.eu/yg0


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/v81

Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

https://xpil.eu/v81


George Carlin

https://xpil.eu/1qq

Taking a dog to the dog park is like dropping a teenager off at a party. You think they’re gonna spend quality time with their peers and make new best friends. They’re just thinking about getting in fights and humping each other.

https://xpil.eu/1qq


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/w52

In 1968, civil unrest fueled the media. In 2016, the media fuels the civil unrest.

https://xpil.eu/w52


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/idh

Telling someone they can’t be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone they can’t be happy because others have it better.

https://xpil.eu/idh


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/dby

Boners were the first form of pop-up notifications.

https://xpil.eu/dby


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/pra

Talking about your own IQ is the fastest way to make everyone think less of you.

https://xpil.eu/pra


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/cu9

A ja myślę, że całe zło te­go świata bie­rze się z myśle­nia. Zwłaszcza w wy­kona­niu ludzi całkiem ku te­mu nie mających predyspozycji.

https://xpil.eu/cu9


Andrzej Sapkowski

https://xpil.eu/2eq

Two halves of a pear make a pair.

https://xpil.eu/2eq


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/jn3

Becoming an atheist isn’t really becoming anything - it’s returning to your default state.

https://xpil.eu/jn3


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/oss

I’m glad that I decided to do drugs in high school instead of playing football, because football could have led to some serious brain damage.

https://xpil.eu/oss


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/l7m

Pavlov thought about feeding his dogs whenever he heard a bell ring.

https://xpil.eu/l7m


Shower Thougths

It is always possible to agglutinate multiple separate problems into a single complex interdependent solution


Andrew Koenig

https://xpil.eu/os6

Może nie zro­bimy więcej niż jes­teśmy w sta­nie, ale pos­ta­raj­my się, żeby to nie było dużo mniej.

https://xpil.eu/os6


Andrzej Sapkowski

https://xpil.eu/kjd

If Bruce Willis dies from Viagra overdose, the headline will read “Bruce Willis Dies Hard.”

https://xpil.eu/kjd


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/d2e

The Matrix would be a hell of a lot harder to get out of today with the lack of landlines available.

https://xpil.eu/d2e


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/bmm

In the future, people will probably look at terabytes and petabytes the same way we do the bytes and kilobytes.

https://xpil.eu/bmm


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/9au

Growing up, everyone tells you to chase your dreams, but once you do, they tell you to be realistic.

https://xpil.eu/9au


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/tss

Maybe aliens haven’t visited because they checked the reviews on our solar system and only saw 1 star.

https://xpil.eu/tss


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/n9b

The day mind reading is invented will probably be the day 90% friendships die.

https://xpil.eu/n9b


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/i06

After clearing browser history, there should be an option to fill up history with “normal” websites instead of it just being empty.

https://xpil.eu/i06


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/sdc

Some of my friends exercise every day. Meanwhile, I’m watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell in the floor.

https://xpil.eu/sdc


W. Smith

https://xpil.eu/p40

Jobs that hurt people pay a lot more than jobs that help people.

https://xpil.eu/p40


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/57f

Alphabetical order is actually a random order that we all agree is in order.

https://xpil.eu/57f


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/obt

If my wife would get dressed as fast as she used to when her parents came home early, we would never be late to dinner.

https://xpil.eu/obt


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/otb

OK looks like a sideways stick person.

https://xpil.eu/otb


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ind

We get off the couch and stop eating junk food so we can be hot and find a partner with who we can sit on the couch and eat junk food with.

https://xpil.eu/ind


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ggv

Coughing and sneezing in public, which can spread diseases and are a sign of being sick, are excused and seen as okay. Farting in public, which is completely natural and safe, is frowned upon.

https://xpil.eu/ggv


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/roy

Nie zaczyna się zdania od 'Nie'.

https://xpil.eu/roy


Bash

https://xpil.eu/sxr

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

https://xpil.eu/sxr


George Carlin

https://xpil.eu/l9l

If you leave milk & cookies out for Santa on Christmas Eve, and you put heavy sedatives in the milk, he’ll fall asleep and you can take everybody’s presents.

https://xpil.eu/l9l


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/32l

Everyone talks about the weather but nobody does anything about it.

https://xpil.eu/32l


Mark Twain

https://xpil.eu/7zy

Sometimes you meet someone and you immediately know that you want to spend the rest of your days far far away from them.

https://xpil.eu/7zy


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/eow

They should really make couples pass a parent course before being allowed to have a child.

https://xpil.eu/eow


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/lr8

If an adult has an imaginary friend, it’s psychosis. If a million adults have an imaginary friend, it’s tax-exempt.

https://xpil.eu/lr8


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ewb

Surgeons and Snipers need steady hands for the opposite reason.

https://xpil.eu/ewb


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/26c

Life is like toilet paper, you’re either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole.

https://xpil.eu/26c


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/83i

Dancers took 5, 6, 7, 8 because musicians took 1, 2, 3, 4.

https://xpil.eu/83i


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/o8d

65 million light years away, alien telescopes would be seeing dinosaurs on our planet.

https://xpil.eu/o8d


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ic4

Politicians should wear badges showing what companies sponsor them, like F1 drivers.

https://xpil.eu/ic4


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/tua

There are truck drivers who deliver bananas. Driving people bananas is literally their job.

https://xpil.eu/tua


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/mzp

Making and cooking food are practically the same thing, but making and cooking babies are completely different things.

https://xpil.eu/mzp


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/97o

If I throw around large amounts of shredded bread on public property, my proximity to pigeons determines whether or not I’m littering.

https://xpil.eu/97o


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/s7s

My computer freezes when it overheats.

https://xpil.eu/s7s


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/tul

When a good friend dies, certain memories of you that only your friend had die as well. In this way, part of you dies with your friend.

https://xpil.eu/tul


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/zyc

There is a giant, flaming ball of gas in the sky that’s been there from the moment we were born to the day we will die. And we’re not supposed to look at it.

https://xpil.eu/zyc


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/gvy

Forever isn’t as long today as it was yesterday.

https://xpil.eu/gvy


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/519

Arguing with stupid people on the Internet actually makes you do more research on the topic than anything else.

https://xpil.eu/519


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/1x6

We are just monkeys sitting on a rock fighting over melanin level and imaginary sky people.

https://xpil.eu/1x6


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/x31

Gyms should offer a membership package where you pay for every day that you don’t go.

https://xpil.eu/x31


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/kq9

If there were no sentient beings in the universe, would it really exist?

https://xpil.eu/kq9


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/qas

Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.

https://xpil.eu/qas


https://xpil.eu/wor

Life is like tetris. Your accomplishments disappear and your mistakes add up.

https://xpil.eu/wor


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/91a

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. Revenge is sweet and is also a dish best served cold. Revenge is personified by a blind man eating ice cream.

https://xpil.eu/91a


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/o0o

Everybody knows that Jesus drove a Honda, but he didn’t like to talk about it?
From John 12:49 ‘For I do not speak of my own Accord…’

https://xpil.eu/o0o


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/vmn

After they just barely touch our lips, we put our cups, mugs, and glasses into a machine that washes them with boiling water and soap for an hour. But our toothbrushes just get a rinse of cold water.

https://xpil.eu/vmn


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/81y

Military barbers shave their privates.

https://xpil.eu/81y


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/wr7

Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius — and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction.

https://xpil.eu/wr7


Ernst F. Schumacher

https://xpil.eu/gfr

Clint Eastwood is a anagram for Old West Action.

https://xpil.eu/gfr


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/54l

“Look, mom. No hands!” would be a great slogan for a unicycle shop, but a terrible slogan for a fireworks stand.

https://xpil.eu/54l


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/nhk

The best way to not lose you wireless headphones is with a Y shaped string between your headphones and your phone.

https://xpil.eu/nhk


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/yd4

A microbiologist is a large number of cells studying a small number of cells.

https://xpil.eu/yd4


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/i4a

The opposite of playing russian roulette is to have unprotected sex.

https://xpil.eu/i4a


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/kdv

If I put something in the refrigerator the first time am I just frigerating it?

https://xpil.eu/kdv


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/b19

Not calling an iPhones battery level ‘apple juice’ seems like a missed opportunity.

https://xpil.eu/b19


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/i8k

Exposing yourself to a nurse when you are sick is ok but exposing yourself to a nurse when you are ok is sick.

https://xpil.eu/i8k


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/tmc

“Good things come to those who wait” and “the early bird gets the worm” are two things we’re taught as children that contradict each other.

https://xpil.eu/tmc


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/sn1

When we want someone else’s thoughts, we say “penny for your thoughts.” When we offer our own, we say “putting my two cents in.” We value our own opinions twice as much.

https://xpil.eu/sn1


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/0zk

I wonder if I’ve already eaten the best sandwich I’ll ever eat.

https://xpil.eu/0zk


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/rar

Maybe there are fleas that think dogs are flat.

https://xpil.eu/rar


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/7rj

Być w dupie, to nic strasznego, najgorzej jest, gdy zaczynasz się w niej urządzać.

https://xpil.eu/7rj


Mariusz Tomaszewski

https://xpil.eu/zfy

People who poo on the toilet seats walk among us every day and we don’t even know who they are.

https://xpil.eu/zfy


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/lcq

Calling something “Military Grade” makes everything sound better except food.

https://xpil.eu/lcq


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/a85

If you live for people's acceptance, you will die from their rejection.

https://xpil.eu/a85


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/78a

Not once in my life have I stepped into somebody’s house and thought, “I sure hope I get an apology for ‘the mess’.”

https://xpil.eu/78a


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/9ct

Thanks to dating apps, a lot of flirting is now probably done while pooping.

https://xpil.eu/9ct


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/4mj

The phrase “hold your horses” is telling you to be stable

https://xpil.eu/4mj


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/49v

White boards are remarkable.

https://xpil.eu/49v


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/05r

Knowledge isn’t free; you have to pay attention.

https://xpil.eu/05r


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/4ic

The more expensive a vacuum is, the more it sucks.

https://xpil.eu/4ic


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/xgy

Thermometers are speedometers for atoms.

https://xpil.eu/xgy


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/dov

Confidence whispers. Insecurity screams.

https://xpil.eu/dov


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/tc1

Men have only two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

https://xpil.eu/tc1


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/2h7

Push up bra is like a bag of chips. Contents may seem full but when you open it, it’s half empty and you are disappointed.

https://xpil.eu/2h7


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/td9

We kill each other arguing over what happens when you die.

https://xpil.eu/td9


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/jrj

"Slang" is just short for "short language"

https://xpil.eu/jrj


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/6en

You can blacken, whiten and redden, but you can’t blueen, yellowen or greenen.

https://xpil.eu/6en


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/zgw

They should make little sticks that sit behind your steering wheel to help people communicate with others on the road when they want to make a turn or merge into others lane.

https://xpil.eu/zgw


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/doq

The fact that we have a universally recognized hand sign for “fuck you” and not one for “I’m sorry” should really tell us something.

https://xpil.eu/doq


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/a1w

Someone with Parkinson’s would have a lot of trouble stealing a tambourine.

https://xpil.eu/a1w


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ja7

I’m going to stop saying, “My memory isn’t what it used to be,” ‘cause maybe it is, and I’m just remembering it wrong.

https://xpil.eu/ja7


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/4om

When butterflies get nervous, do they feel people in their stomach?

https://xpil.eu/4om


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/c2t

A shark will only attack you if you are wet.

https://xpil.eu/c2t


W. Smith

https://xpil.eu/nrv

If you hang yourself, the suspense is literally killing you.

https://xpil.eu/nrv


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/856

It is better to be followed by 10 smart people than a million stupid ones. Unless, of course, you are a politician.

https://xpil.eu/856


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/r0x

Straight people are the main cause of overpopulation.

https://xpil.eu/r0x


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/o1o

Friends are like bananas. If you peel their skin and eat them, they die.

https://xpil.eu/o1o


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/qq2

Cows are just edible lawnmowers.

https://xpil.eu/qq2


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/35d

If two pregnant women have a fist fight it’s like a mecha battle between unborn babies.

https://xpil.eu/35d


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/hz3

You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, all you’ve lost is a pigeon.

https://xpil.eu/hz3


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/hrr

Ants have succesfully colonised all continents except, ironically, Antarctica.

https://xpil.eu/hrr


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/54d

Volleyball is just competitive, co-op, hardcore hot potato.

https://xpil.eu/54d


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/t42

If owls said “what” instead of “who,” the world would be a lot more entertaining.

https://xpil.eu/t42


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/wdx

If you donate one kidney to a hospital, you’re a hero but if you donate 20, you go to jail.

https://xpil.eu/wdx


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/nvv

- Potrzebuję tego na wczoraj.
- Nie ma sprawy, proszę złożyć zamówienie w ubiegłym tygodniu.

https://xpil.eu/nvv


JM

https://xpil.eu/sa5

Everyone wants a partner that is a great lover, but no one wants to consider how much practice that it took.

https://xpil.eu/sa5


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/jds

When someone says they’ve lost 2 or 3 pounds in a short amount of time, I picture them taking a giant dump and then stepping on the scale in victory.

https://xpil.eu/jds


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/pz3

The fatter you are, the more likely you are to win ‘Spin the Bottle’.

https://xpil.eu/pz3


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/yud

The biggest dinosaurs must have had epic farts.

https://xpil.eu/yud


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/if6

Being a parent is like having a garbage roommate that you love unconditionally.

https://xpil.eu/if6


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/h1p

Every day is a productive day if you set the bar low enough.

https://xpil.eu/h1p


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/li2

You can cook an egg and you can bake an egg, you can egg a cook but you can’t egg a bake.

https://xpil.eu/li2


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/2bi

Tonight, the Moon will be visible from Earth. The last time this happened was last night.

https://xpil.eu/2bi


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/miq

We all need people who will give us feedback. That’s how we improve.

https://xpil.eu/miq


Bill Gates

https://xpil.eu/q5k

Finding a grey hair is the human equivalent of finding a dead pixel.

https://xpil.eu/q5k


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/i23

The atoms that make up my body aren’t mine, it’s just my time to use them.

https://xpil.eu/i23


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/klg

Spotkałem niedawno mikrobiologa. Był dużo większy, niż myślałem.

https://xpil.eu/klg


NN

https://xpil.eu/92v

If humans can share anything between 50%-60% of their DNA with bananas, some people can be up to 10% more banana than other people.

https://xpil.eu/92v


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ubo

Players have a way to win monopoly together, by uniting to never buy anything, regularly collecting money on the starting square at each turn. In the end they win together against the bank which is ruined.

https://xpil.eu/ubo


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/vrw

Being born is a death sentence.

https://xpil.eu/vrw


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/whk

I don’t believe in Mrs. Claus. I think she was invented because people couldn’t handle the idea of an unmarried elderly man watching children all year long then giving them presents based on his own deluded judgement of naughty and nice.

https://xpil.eu/whk


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/61w

If every atom in your body behaves according to the laws of physics, and the laws of physics are inherently logical, everything you’ve ever done has been logical. It’s simply our inability to understand the logic that makes us seem irrational.

https://xpil.eu/61w


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/nrx

People try to be responsible with money so that they can afford to be irresponsible with money.

https://xpil.eu/nrx


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/us6

Mars is set to be colonized in the next decade yet I still can’t get a paper towel to rip along the perforated line with any sort of consistency.

https://xpil.eu/us6


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/q6t

You know how you can tap on YouTube videos to see how much time is left? I wish I could do that when some people talk.

https://xpil.eu/q6t


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/jfw

Asking an insane male squirrel “Show me yer nuts!” is a triple entendre.

https://xpil.eu/jfw


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ofr

In order to fall asleep, we have to pretend to be asleep

https://xpil.eu/ofr


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/79x

No matter when you read this, someone just died.

https://xpil.eu/79x


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/okt

Every odd number has the letter E in it.

https://xpil.eu/okt


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/y3k

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines. With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do. He may as well concern himself with his shadow on the wall.

https://xpil.eu/y3k


Ralph Waldo Emerson

https://xpil.eu/24l

Your future self is talking shit about you.

https://xpil.eu/24l


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/r5g

People who bleach their anus are potentially changing their “ring tone”

https://xpil.eu/r5g


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/u0t

There are 7.66 billion people on earth. There are 365.25 days in an average year. To the 20.9 million people whose birthday is today, happy birthday!

https://xpil.eu/u0t


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/060

Kiedyś prawdopodobnie zrzucę wagę, ale najpierw muszę przestać maczać snickersy w nutelli.

https://xpil.eu/060


JM

https://xpil.eu/1ms

Fun fact: "sugar" is the only word in the English language where "su-" makes a "sh" sound...

At least, I'm pretty sure that's correct.

https://xpil.eu/1ms


W. Smith

https://xpil.eu/ae6

My kids now share the same vague unfamiliarity with Arnold Schwarzenegger movies that I had with my dad’s favorite John Wayne movies.

https://xpil.eu/ae6


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ipw

I mean, I wouldn't pay more than a couple of quid to see me, and I'm me.

https://xpil.eu/ipw


Terry Pratchett

https://xpil.eu/qx4

Every “c” in “Pacific Ocean” in pronounced differently.

https://xpil.eu/qx4


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/n9c

Seeing someone with two cell phones you assume one for business and one for personal use. Seeing somone with three you wonder if his two families know about each other.

https://xpil.eu/n9c


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/15j

People use their speakers to listen to music. Audiophiles use music to listen to their speakers.

https://xpil.eu/15j


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/phe

After five movies, I’m pretty sure we can start calling them Highly Unlikely, Yet Doable Missions.

https://xpil.eu/phe


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/oo5

Thomas Edison got an idea that was so great, that it ended up being the universal symbol of a bright idea.

https://xpil.eu/oo5


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/6zb

People who sleepwalk are technically following their dreams.

https://xpil.eu/6zb


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/4y3

Squirrels always look and act like it’s their first day being a squirrel.

https://xpil.eu/4y3


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/b22

In 2016, celebrities died and their legacies touched people whereas in 2017, celebrities touched people and their legacies died.

https://xpil.eu/b22


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/tgm

Gods don’t like people not doing much work. People who aren’t busy all the time might start to think.

https://xpil.eu/tgm


Terry Pratchett

https://xpil.eu/rzk

“When I was your age, we used to walk miles through snow” has been replaced with “back in my, we only had dial up internet”.

https://xpil.eu/rzk


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/7ui

Don’t bring your dog, named “Shark” to the beach, EVER!

https://xpil.eu/7ui


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/whg

I spent my entire youth applying makeup to make me look older. I will spend the rest of adulthood applying makeup to make me look young. The makeup business model is genius.

https://xpil.eu/whg


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/gu5

"So," it said, "before unbelievers get burned alive… do you sing to them first?"
"No!"
"Ah. A merciful death."

https://xpil.eu/gu5


Terry Pratchett

https://xpil.eu/x8u

Nig­dy nie ma się dru­giej okaz­ji, żeby zro­bić pier­wsze wrażenie.

https://xpil.eu/x8u


Andrzej Sapkowski

https://xpil.eu/ap4

No-one goes there anymore - it’s too crowded.

https://xpil.eu/ap4


An old joke

https://xpil.eu/u69

SPOiLER: ‘Growing up’ never happens. We just get larger, gain life experience (fuck up, a lot), and at some point have to pretend we know wtf is going on.

https://xpil.eu/u69


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/r2n

You never realize how boring you are until someone asks you what you do for fun.

https://xpil.eu/r2n


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ui6

The word Fat just looks like someone took a bite out of the first letter of the word Eat.

https://xpil.eu/ui6


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/f3f

By­wają okaz­je, gdy zwyczaj­nie nie można się nie napić.

https://xpil.eu/f3f


Andrzej Sapkowski

https://xpil.eu/0wi

You’re not actually cleaning somewhere, you’re just moving things to somewhere else that you don’t want to deal with.

https://xpil.eu/0wi


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/7yq

Instead of having Catwoman come in her house and start drinking milk after she changed, it would’ve been better if she started knocking things off of tables and kitchen counters.

https://xpil.eu/7yq


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/o3d

Whoever keeps putting needles in haystacks is a real asshole.

https://xpil.eu/o3d


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/zlt

- Jak nazwać proces auto regeneracji oka?
- Samookaleczenie.

https://xpil.eu/zlt


JM

https://xpil.eu/wmo

Człowiek jest małpą, która potrafi zrobić najprecyzyjniejszą brzytwę, aby poderżnąć gardło drugiej małpie.

https://xpil.eu/wmo


Stanisław Lem

https://xpil.eu/amq

“Go to sleep, you’ll feel better in the morning” is the human equivalent of someone saying “Did you turn it off and turn it on again?”

https://xpil.eu/amq


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/gxm

Laughter is the best medicine, unless you have diarrhea.

https://xpil.eu/gxm


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/27m

If sentient life didn’t exist, the whole universe would have come and gone without anyone ever seeing it. For some reason that makes me feel sad.

https://xpil.eu/27m


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/5fn

Due to the evolution of bacteria with respect to our immune system, traveling forward in time could kill you and traveling back in time could kill everyone else.

https://xpil.eu/5fn


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/8nq

Snakes kill in two ways: hugs and kisses.

https://xpil.eu/8nq


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/zle

One cigarette shortens your life by two hours, one bottle of vodka by three hours, and a workday, eight hours.

https://xpil.eu/zle


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/utw

Parents who don’t vaccinate their child are basically saying they’d rather have a dead than a autistic child.

https://xpil.eu/utw


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/9us

The radio station in GTA V has more variety than normal radio stations.

https://xpil.eu/9us


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/9ub

Matka zapytała, co robię w Wielkanoc. Odpowiedziałem, że to samo, co Jezus: znikam w piątek i pojawiam się w niedzielę.

https://xpil.eu/9ub


JM

https://xpil.eu/fpn

Do twins ever realize that one of them was not planned?

https://xpil.eu/fpn


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/eli

Time is a drug. Too much of it kills you.

https://xpil.eu/eli


Terry Pratchett

https://xpil.eu/kw9

Farting is just shitting yourself on a molecular scale.

https://xpil.eu/kw9


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/dss

When a woman is giving birth, is she literally kidding?

https://xpil.eu/dss


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ogt

Opening the fridge every 5 minutes not because I expect there will be something new in there, but to see if my standards has lowered low enough to eat what’s left.

https://xpil.eu/ogt


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/sw9

Once upon a time, history was written by the winners. Then the losers discovered the internet.

https://xpil.eu/sw9


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ff2

The only time incorrectly isn’t spelt incorrectly, is when it’s spelt incorrectly.

https://xpil.eu/ff2


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/e5g

I just failed a captcha test 3 times in a row. I can’t believe this is how I’m finding out that I’m a robot.

https://xpil.eu/e5g


W. Smith

https://xpil.eu/d0q

A woman will fake an orgasm for a relationship and a man will fake a relationship for an orgasm.

https://xpil.eu/d0q


Shower Thoughts

It is always something


RFC 1925

https://xpil.eu/h1y

If humans had spots and stripes likes cats, imagine all the new ways we could hate each other!

https://xpil.eu/h1y


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/kje

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.

https://xpil.eu/kje


George Carlin

https://xpil.eu/zfa

Saying that you speak without an accent is like saying your research paper was not typed in a font.

https://xpil.eu/zfa


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/g3x

You always see cranes at construction sites, but you never see how the crane gets there.

https://xpil.eu/g3x


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ngo

Saying “I lost the stylus for my tablet” would’ve still made sense over 2000 years ago.

https://xpil.eu/ngo


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/7ky

One day you’ll either wake up and never go back to sleep, or go to sleep and never wake up again.

https://xpil.eu/7ky


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/u8g

Rosja zabrała się na poważnie za popularyzację zdrowego stylu życia. Wypuszczono wódkę z minerałami i witaminami.

https://xpil.eu/u8g


JM

https://xpil.eu/lag

The nuclear arms race is akin to two guys standing waist deep in gasoline, bragging about who has most matches.

https://xpil.eu/lag


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/cuw

People complain about paying $150 for a tire that carries them around at 70 MPH, but no problem paying $200 for shoes that carry them around at 2 MPH.

https://xpil.eu/cuw


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/myx

There’s some real irony in spelling phonetically with a ‘ph’ and not an 'f’.

https://xpil.eu/myx


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/qev

In order to fit more cow in my belly, I must first loosen a different cow from around my belly.

https://xpil.eu/qev


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/dn3

Kids wanna be teenagers, adults wanna be teenagers again. Everybody wants to be a teenager, except teenagers.

https://xpil.eu/dn3


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/vd4

Babies can be classified as parasites since they suck nutrients form their host as they grow.

https://xpil.eu/vd4


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/me8

Kung Fu movies are like porn, in that both have wafer-thin storylines designed to string together a bunch of action sequences.

https://xpil.eu/me8


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ton

Everyday, someone on Earth unknowingly does the biggest poo in the world for that day.

https://xpil.eu/ton


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/296

Being born is the first time I did something for the last time and dying will be the last time I do something for the first time.

https://xpil.eu/296


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/cqb

There’s 2 kinds of people in this world, those who brake immediately upon seeing brake lights in front of them, and those who take their foot off the gas and think “let’s see how this goes”.

https://xpil.eu/cqb


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/sr3

When a computer overheats, it freezes.

https://xpil.eu/sr3


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/vty

The Wright brothers probably never thought people would jump out of their invention for fun.

https://xpil.eu/vty


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/j9t

The reason why there are so many dumb people in the world is cause only the smart ones choose to use condoms.

https://xpil.eu/j9t


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/qi4

A girl friend becomes a girlfriend when there starts to be less space between you.

https://xpil.eu/qi4


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/rj2

Pytacie się mnie o skuteczność tej kuracji?

Zrzuciłem wagę.

Z piątego piętra.

https://xpil.eu/rj2


JM

https://xpil.eu/amr

I fully expect first contact with another alien race to be like meeting new friends freshman year of college. Everyone is unrealistically ultra nice, and both sides are scared shitless the other will eventually find out how fucked up their home lives are.

https://xpil.eu/amr


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/7gs

Having big tits because you’re fat is like having a fast car because it’s falling off a cliff.

https://xpil.eu/7gs


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/c4g

Elementary school and Middle school graduations are just telling kids, you did great but your princess is in another castle.

https://xpil.eu/c4g


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/j3p

Ekipa izraelskich alpinistów z powodzeniem obeszła Mount Everest.

https://xpil.eu/j3p


JM

https://xpil.eu/hxd

If you’re raised by a gay couple, but your parents divorce and marry other people, you’re going to have four moms. Or four dads.

https://xpil.eu/hxd


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/wut

In zombie movies people are never excited to find toilet paper.

https://xpil.eu/wut


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/rcb

Człowiek nie dlatego się śmieje. że jest wesoły, ale dlatego jest wesoły, ponieważ się śmieje.

https://xpil.eu/rcb


Stanisław Lem

https://xpil.eu/q9y

Ludzie byli wolni gdy telefony były na uwięzi.

https://xpil.eu/q9y


NN

https://xpil.eu/v5u

It’s cheaper buying a whole human than buying it organ by organ.

https://xpil.eu/v5u


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/yn5

Although bishops are not allowed to be gay, Bishops are the only pieces in chess who won’t go straight.

https://xpil.eu/yn5


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/1rw

I remember when it was easy to find logic, facts, and reason on the web. Then, someone optimized it.

https://xpil.eu/1rw


https://xpil.eu/t2k

I can’t decide if people who wear pyjamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.

https://xpil.eu/t2k


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/zen

When I die, I want to be cremated and put into an hourglass so I can still spend time with my family.

https://xpil.eu/zen


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/b9b

My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with clickbait.
You won't believe what happened next...

https://xpil.eu/b9b


W. Smith

https://xpil.eu/rdz

If dentists make their money from looking after our unhealthy teeth then why would I trust a toothpaste 4/5 of them recommend?

https://xpil.eu/rdz


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/9ug

Z powodu szkolnych strzelanin Amerykanie mają nauczycielom rozdać broń. Bibliotekarze dostaną dodatkowo tłumiki.

https://xpil.eu/9ug


JM

https://xpil.eu/ai3

The problem is not people being uneducated; The problem is that they are educated just enough to believe what they’ve been taught. And not educated enough to question what they’ve been taught.

https://xpil.eu/ai3


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/sl2

Guys who joke about how they have to get permission from the wife/gf before they can engage in their own hobbies have finally accepted and normalized their own emotional abuse.

https://xpil.eu/sl2


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/rty

Now that I’m pushing 50, I’ve finally realized that the point at which popular music was most innovative, meaningful, and really, really great, was when someone was in their late teens to early 20’s, no matter how old that person is.

https://xpil.eu/rty


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/3wp

Commas, are, reading, speed, bumps.

https://xpil.eu/3wp


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/mss

All vehicles should be equipped with two horns, one happy and one angry

https://xpil.eu/mss


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/nbw

1972: Dennis Ritchie invents a powerful gun that shoots both forward and backward simultaneously. Not satisfied with the number of deaths and permanent maimings from that invention he invents C and Unix.

https://xpil.eu/nbw


n/n

https://xpil.eu/mh0

Raising a child is basically a race against time to see if you can teach a tiny animal everything they need to know in oder to avoid going to jail in under 18 years.

https://xpil.eu/mh0


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/mys

A good book is like sex. Great, unless a teacher forces you into it.

https://xpil.eu/mys


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/y86

Eating a clock is time consuming.

https://xpil.eu/y86


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/p59

- Jak się nazywa dresiarz, który kradnie telefony?
- Łowca Androidów.

https://xpil.eu/p59


JM

https://xpil.eu/2ay

Papierosy są jak wiewiórki - zupełnie nieszkodliwe dopóki nie włożysz ich do ust i nie podpalisz.

https://xpil.eu/2ay


JM

https://xpil.eu/z45

The sheep spends it’s whole life in fear of the wolves, only to be eaten by the shepherd.

https://xpil.eu/z45


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/aqp

Placebo is the most vigorously tested medical treatment.

https://xpil.eu/aqp


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/zx3

Bez dobrych kabli nie rozkładam sprzętu.

https://xpil.eu/zx3


Wolfgang Amadeusz Mozart

https://xpil.eu/8p2

If you get married in Japan then fly to Hawaii and immediately die after you land, your marriage certificate will be dated after your death certificate.

https://xpil.eu/8p2


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/kwm

You get married to save the relationship, have a kid to save the marriage and get divorced to save the kid.

https://xpil.eu/kwm


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/a7d

Niektóre wampiry są uzależnione od alokoholików.

https://xpil.eu/a7d


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/v0c

Some dude a long time ago didn’t want to wedding dress shopping with his girl. Therefore, he convinced her it would be bad luck for him to see the dress before the wedding. Genius.

https://xpil.eu/v0c


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/A88Ve

When keyless ignition in cars becomes a standard feature, survival rates in horror movies will go up 30%

https://xpil.eu/A88Ve


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/0sm

Mick Jagger, 72, is having a kid, his 8th, with his 29 year old girlfriend, who is 16 years younger than his oldest child, which is 45. But two moms or two dads is too difficult to explain to a seven year old.

https://xpil.eu/0sm


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/zg8

Putting groceries in the freezer is like Tetris, taking them out is like Jenga.

https://xpil.eu/zg8


W. Smith

https://xpil.eu/15w

From the ages of 0-5 adults encourage you to walk and talk. From 5 until you die people tell you to sit down and shut up.

https://xpil.eu/15w


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/yok

If someone punches you there’s no need to punch them back because your face has already applied equal and opposite force to their hand.

https://xpil.eu/yok


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/vkr

Since there is no spelling for a fart sound, we should all agree to use the symbol :! because it’s a Colon Exclamation.

https://xpil.eu/vkr


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/00a

Gambling addiction hotlines would be a lot better if every 5th caller was a winner.

https://xpil.eu/00a


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/zau

Maybe the reason you’re single is that your soulmate got stuck in a condom.

https://xpil.eu/zau


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/y6w

Ktoś wie, jak się zmniejsza poziom trudności w Tinderze?

https://xpil.eu/y6w


JM

https://xpil.eu/7tb

If you ever miss 4:20, just wait until 4:22 because 4:22 is 4:20 too.

https://xpil.eu/7tb


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/4ij

Your whole life is just a short break from not existing.

https://xpil.eu/4ij


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/wn2

You have to be odd to be number one.

https://xpil.eu/wn2


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/x7o

At any given time, the urge to sing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away.

https://xpil.eu/x7o


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/a4s

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

https://xpil.eu/a4s


George Carlin

https://xpil.eu/mec

Nothing says “I’m rich” like sorting your search results from highest to lowest price while you shop

https://xpil.eu/mec


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/j04

The world would probably be a better place if people thought “Is it ethical?” instead of “Is it legal?” more often.

https://xpil.eu/j04


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/90u

Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won't come in.

https://xpil.eu/90u


Isaac Asimov

https://xpil.eu/kiq

We humans have set up a society in which we require a minimum number of laps around the sun for a person to drink fermented plant juice.

https://xpil.eu/kiq


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ikw

Horny and Hungry is distinguished by where you insert the cucumber.

https://xpil.eu/ikw


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/9om

It’s lucky that King Kong didn’t have to pinch a loaf at the top of the Empire State Building. The whale-sized turd would have killed a lot of people standing below.

https://xpil.eu/9om


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/y56

The Star Wars Universe is probably the only universe where bringing a sword to a gunfight is advantageous.

https://xpil.eu/y56


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/m55

Giraffes must take forever to vomit.

https://xpil.eu/m55


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/djl

Αη ΕηgΙιsh ρεrsοη ςαη rεαd τhιs ρrεττγ εαsιΙγ βυτ το α Grεεκ ρεrsοη τhιs Ιοοκs ςομρΙετεΙγ ηοηsεηsιςαΙ ατ fιrsτ.

https://xpil.eu/djl


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/btk

I hate quotations.

https://xpil.eu/btk


Ralph Waldo Emerson

https://xpil.eu/683

Niech będzie pochwalony. Ostatni raz byłem u spowiedzi 25 lat temu. Mam nadzieję, że wygodnie ksiądz siedzi.

https://xpil.eu/683


JM

https://xpil.eu/1zl

“National anthem” and “country music” have very similar literal meanings.

https://xpil.eu/1zl


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/alc

The average IQ would increase if we removed safety labels from bleach.

https://xpil.eu/alc


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/94c

Your dog is probably a flat earther.

https://xpil.eu/94c


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/1r5

Where does the white go, when the snow melts?

https://xpil.eu/1r5


N.N.

https://xpil.eu/7vn

Hydrogen causes fires, Oxygen causes fires, but combing Hydrogen and Oxygen forms water which puts out fires.

https://xpil.eu/7vn


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/fxo

The past form of William Shakespeare is “Wouldiwas Shookspeared”

https://xpil.eu/fxo


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/u72

If you play Mario backwards its about how a guy leaves his wife an then the world keep getting easier.

https://xpil.eu/u72


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/4iq

At some point, there may have been a bipolar, bisexual, and bilingual person riding a bicycle.

https://xpil.eu/4iq


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/b6r

Obcy wylądowali i kazali mi zaprowadzić się do przywódcy. Poszliśmy więc.
- Kasiu, to są obcy. Obcy, moja żona.

https://xpil.eu/b6r


JM

https://xpil.eu/d7b

W rodzinie fotografów rodzi się kilkoro dzieci, a następnie wybiera się to, które wyszło najlepiej.

https://xpil.eu/d7b


JM

https://xpil.eu/hbr

Stitching wounds is weird, you make many holes to close one.

https://xpil.eu/hbr


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/sxs

One of the most frustrating feelings in the world is being smart enough to know there’s a better way to do something but not smart enough to invent a way to do it.

https://xpil.eu/sxs


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/x7r

Padam na ziemię,
ustami do czarnej ziemi.
Mówię: Boże, którego nie ma,
nie daj, żebym zrobiła krzywdę
człowiekowi.

Niech mi wpierw odpadnie ręka,
niech mnie spali
piorun.

Padam na ziemię,
ustami do żywej ziemi.
Mówię: Boże, którego nie ma
na najdalszej gwieździe,
który jesteś we mnie,
Boże doskonały, jak ja jestem nikczemna,
Boże okrutny,
oddaję ci na krwawą ofiarę
największe szczęście
mojego życia.

https://xpil.eu/x7r


Anna Świrszczyńska

https://xpil.eu/5j6

Someone just gave me half a peace sign.

That’s weird.

https://xpil.eu/5j6


W. Smith

https://xpil.eu/e6k

If I linked enough watches together to make a belt, it would be a complete waist of time.

https://xpil.eu/e6k


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/rbl

If you manage to live until 113 years old, you become a teenager again.

https://xpil.eu/rbl


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/71s

Naming your boat Unsinkable 2 is a sure fire way to scare anyone who comes onboard.

https://xpil.eu/71s


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/hnu

The first word I say every year is "happy" and the last is "one"

https://xpil.eu/hnu


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/jw5

The first guy to discover cow's milk must have been into some other pretty weird stuff.

https://xpil.eu/jw5


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/09l

If people really could spin in their graves we could harness it as a new form of green energy and power our homes by disgracing our ancestors.

https://xpil.eu/09l


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/vxm

The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”

https://xpil.eu/vxm


George Carlin

https://xpil.eu/i87

“Fake it till you make it” is a really bad advice to anyone working in the medical field.

https://xpil.eu/i87


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/gi4

King Midas’s dog is most likely a golden retriever.

https://xpil.eu/gi4


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/36y

Człowieczeństwo jest to suma naszych defektów, mankamentów, naszej niedoskonałości, jest tym czym chcemy być, a nie potrafimy, nie możemy, nie umiemy, to jest po prostu dziura między ideałami a realizacją.

https://xpil.eu/36y


Stanisław Lem

https://xpil.eu/dat

If I arrive somewhere sooner than Google Maps predicts it’s because I’m a good driver. If I arrive somewhere later than predicted it’s because Google Maps was wrong.

https://xpil.eu/dat


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/1c9

Hardware is just software which has crystallized early.

https://xpil.eu/1c9


Alan Kay

https://xpil.eu/9x8

Modern medicine is stunting human evolution by extending the lifespans of the weak and stupid and allowing them to procreate.

https://xpil.eu/9x8


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/sk5

A good slogan for the World Health Organisation would be: WHO cares.

https://xpil.eu/sk5


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ubt

Despite humanity reaching being advanced enough to reach the moon, we still have people killing other people for not having the same imaginary friend.

https://xpil.eu/ubt


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/col

If a wall has a hole in it and you fix it, you make the wall whole by removing the wall’s hole.

https://xpil.eu/col


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/pvt

There will eventually be one person who was born on Mars, grew up on Mars, and believes that Mars is flat.

https://xpil.eu/pvt


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/xsn

A woman in a bikini reveals about 90% of her body… And yet most men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

https://xpil.eu/xsn


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/h7p

I love observing and then emulating what I assume to be normal human behavior.

https://xpil.eu/h7p


W. Smith

https://xpil.eu/1d6

How many different animals did we have to jump on the backs of before we discovered horses were cool with it?

https://xpil.eu/1d6


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/yo0

Psycholog poradził mi napisać szczere listy do osób, których nienawidzę i spalić je.

Zrobione.

Ale co z listami?

https://xpil.eu/yo0


JM

https://xpil.eu/oo2

If 72 virgins is the reward for blowing yourself in a crowd of innocent people, someone should start a peaceful religion that awards 73 virgins for just being cool.

https://xpil.eu/oo2


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/HwjPv

The skydiving business exists only because of surviviors bias. Its a bit hard to leave a bad review.

https://xpil.eu/HwjPv


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/w81

It would be pretty shitty if the zombie apocalypse started on a Halloween night.

https://xpil.eu/w81


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/c6c

Initially, we used to pay to listen to songs. Now we pay to skip them.

https://xpil.eu/c6c


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/tqt

There should be an express line at coffee shops for people ordering plain black coffees as a little perk for not ordering one of those fufu coffee drinks that take 5 times longer to concoct.

https://xpil.eu/tqt


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/zf6

On April Fools Day, Brazzers should make a video where a hot male plumber goes to a sorority house and fixes the toilet and leaves normally.

https://xpil.eu/zf6


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/gna

When the robots inevitably take over, we will have to communicate in Captchas to plan our revolt.

https://xpil.eu/gna


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/tnx

Evolution produces organisms that don’t believe in evolution.

https://xpil.eu/tnx


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/a0g

When you completely stop watching the news for a substantial period of time, the world becomes a much better place.

https://xpil.eu/a0g


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/c84

The rotation of the Earth really makes my day

https://xpil.eu/c84


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/zfv

To spell panda, you really only need P and A

https://xpil.eu/zfv


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/sht

For some reason it’s acceptable for people to point out that I have no sense of humor but unacceptable for me to point out that they’re actually just way too dumb to understand my dry wit.

https://xpil.eu/sht


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/s8n

Evolution is pretty much just bugs turning into features.

https://xpil.eu/s8n


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/m6g

Cze­kaj­cie, klienty!
Wnet wam pójdzie w pięty!
Roz­le­ci się ten burdel
Aż po fundamenty!

https://xpil.eu/m6g


Andrzej Sapkowski

https://xpil.eu/oo8

What if Gods test for us is how gullible we are and only the atheists go to heaven?

https://xpil.eu/oo8


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/nak

We never realize how many people we dislike until it comes to naming our child.

https://xpil.eu/nak


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/n4r

If you treat sick animals, you may be considered a veterinarian. If you fought for Germany in WWII, you may be considered a veteran Aryan.

https://xpil.eu/n4r


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/xqk

If Apple sold the Note 9 they would probably sell the pen separately.

https://xpil.eu/xqk


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/98w

W Korei Płn. zakazano pluszowych psów. Dzieci dławiły się pluszem.

https://xpil.eu/98w


JM

https://xpil.eu/erk

Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.

https://xpil.eu/erk


George Carlin

https://xpil.eu/0ur

Kids who grew up in the 80s were too early to have had the internet at all. But kids who grew up in the 00s, notably after the iPhone came out in 06, grew up very differently. The internet wasn't a precious resource, but an always available utility ready to be consumed at will.

This generation is growing up in a never ending onslaught of advertisements and peer pressure the likes of which we didn't experience. They are all guinea pigs for the Facebooks of the world, subjects of the A/B psychographic targeting grind. Their dopamine receptors have been primed since birth to go crazy at the sight of a like.

https://xpil.eu/0ur


ModernMech

https://xpil.eu/rqi

- Statystyki mówią, że kobiety żyją dłużej.
- Jak zwykle nie są gotowe na czas.

https://xpil.eu/rqi


JM

https://xpil.eu/e21

When someone starts a sentence with “with all due respect,” you know some disrespectful shit is coming next.

https://xpil.eu/e21


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/kbj

5 in 6 people find Russian roulette harmless.

https://xpil.eu/kbj


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/cfc

Before smart phones we knew a lot more about our shampoo.

https://xpil.eu/cfc


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/8z4

Elsa and Greta Thunberg are both Scandinavians who want the world to be cooler.

https://xpil.eu/8z4


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/3r0

Every second you live 7 billion people have just spent one second without giving a fuck about you - that is 221 years of not giving a fuck about you.

https://xpil.eu/3r0


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ldv

"Czuję się trochę rozbity" - rzekł schabowy do mielonego.

https://xpil.eu/ldv


JM

https://xpil.eu/169

There are pixels on your screen that your cursor has never clicked on

https://xpil.eu/169


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/fcg

The human species won’t go extinct at anyones lifetime.

https://xpil.eu/fcg


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/b3m

Your phone doesn’t autocorrect you when you type in all caps, because it knows you are very angry and doesnt want to make it worse.

https://xpil.eu/b3m


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ayl

Your lips separate when you say "touch", but your lips touch when you say "separate".

https://xpil.eu/ayl


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/fgq

Dziadek Jerzy stwierdził, że wcale nie jest aż tak schorowany, kiedy zobaczył, ile tabletek łyka jego wnuczka przed wyjściem na dyskotekę.

https://xpil.eu/fgq


JM

https://xpil.eu/608

If a zombie apocalypse happens in Vegas, does it stay in Vegas?

https://xpil.eu/608


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/59t

Suicide is literally the last thing I would ever do.

https://xpil.eu/59t


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/zdy

I wonder if I already own any of the clothes I’m going to die in

https://xpil.eu/zdy


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/9jl

It’s totally fine to vomit in a toilet, but something is very wrong with you if you shit in a barf bag.

https://xpil.eu/9jl


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/mg3

I’d be more terrified by the absence of aliens rather than the presence of them.

https://xpil.eu/mg3


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/cjw

‘OK GOOGLE’ is not when Google starts listening, it is when it starts responding.

https://xpil.eu/cjw


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ngm

Round pizzas get delivered in square boxes and then eaten in triangles.

https://xpil.eu/ngm


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/inu

- Co się zagryza w Chinach pod wódkę?
- Ogórki maosolne.

https://xpil.eu/inu


JM

https://xpil.eu/l4f

Samsung just announced a series of water resistant phones. Just what you want in a phone that sets itself on fire - to be water resistant.

https://xpil.eu/l4f


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/zdt

If reincarnation is real, then putting dangerous people in prison for life is ultimately more effective than execution because it keeps them out of the rotation.

https://xpil.eu/zdt


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/7mw

Żonaci faceci żyją dłużej od samotnych, ale chętniej umierają.

https://xpil.eu/7mw


JM

https://xpil.eu/1op

When your phone stops autocorrecting to “duck”, you know it’s really yours

https://xpil.eu/1op


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/zm1

It’s fine to show people your positive pregnancy test, but show them anything else you’ve peed on and that’s disgusting.

https://xpil.eu/zm1


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/jfv

The “It’s an older meme, but it checks out” meme is now an older meme, but it checks out.

https://xpil.eu/jfv


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/tir

It’s more accurate to say “deaths were postponed” than “lives were saved”

https://xpil.eu/tir


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/arw

I don’t care how safe it is. If I’m going skydiving, I’m clearing my browser history the night before.

https://xpil.eu/arw


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ob2

Kids are like tattoos, while seen as permanent they can be removed with lasers.

https://xpil.eu/ob2


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/iv6

Babies cry because they don’t understand the world, adults cry because they do.

https://xpil.eu/iv6


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/2fp

Po stu­diach hu­manis­tycznych można zos­tać tyl­ko nau­czy­cielem al­bo urzędo­wym gry­zipiórkiem, czy­li kimś, ko­go skrót roz­szyf­ro­wuje się ja­ko Dob­ry Urzędnik Państwo­wej Administracji.

https://xpil.eu/2fp


Andrzej Sapkowski

https://xpil.eu/3xp

All models are wrong. Some models are useful.

https://xpil.eu/3xp


George Box

https://xpil.eu/o2g

Contractions are the ultimate push notifications.

https://xpil.eu/o2g


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/iec

Do you know that tingly sensation you get when you really like someone? That is common sense, leaving your body.

https://xpil.eu/iec


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/eq6

Adam, talking to God: "Hey buddy, so, uh, I don’t know if this is like ~normal~ or what but my wife just shat out a fat bald monkey and now it won’t stop screaming? Are you doing okay up there bro?"

https://xpil.eu/eq6


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/dlf

- Co robią lekarze w kuchni?
- Leczo.

https://xpil.eu/dlf


JM

https://xpil.eu/wp7

If you are what you eat then cannibals are the only humans in this entire world.

https://xpil.eu/wp7


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/u6n

There’s nothing more suspicious than a clear browser history.

https://xpil.eu/u6n


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ivu

It’s not drinking alone if you’re pregnant.

https://xpil.eu/ivu


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/8ce

Gambling addiction hotlines would do a lot better if every 100th caller won something.

https://xpil.eu/8ce


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/qs1

Lord Of The Rings would have been a lot different if Frodo had hidden the One Ring up his ass instead of wearing it on a chain.

https://xpil.eu/qs1


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/kx3

Humans are able to differentiate between animals by tasting their cooked muscles.

https://xpil.eu/kx3


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/rts

Sign language is the least spoken language in the world.

https://xpil.eu/rts


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/px0

Vaccination is like giving your body the tutorial on how to beat the boss so they know how to fight it later.

https://xpil.eu/px0


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/y8l

The first rule of passive aggressive club is…you know what, nevermind. It’s FINE

https://xpil.eu/y8l


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/kya

Spoons are just tiny bowls on sticks.

https://xpil.eu/kya


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/qha

Actors must say “break a leg” because they always want to be in a cast.

https://xpil.eu/qha


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/cxu

- Moją og­romną przy­warą - wy­jaśnił - jest niepo­hamo­wana dob­roć. Ja po pros­tu muszę czy­nić dob­ro. Jes­tem jed­nak rozsądnym kras­no­ludem i wiem, że wszys­tkim wyświad­czyć dob­ra nie zdołam. Gdy­bym próbo­wał być dob­ry dla wszys­tkich, dla całego świata i wszys­tkich za­mie­szkujących go is­tot, byłaby to kro­pel­ka pit­nej wo­dy w słonym morzu, in­ny­mi słowy: stra­cony wy­siłek. Pos­ta­nowiłem za­tem czy­nić dob­ro kon­kret­ne, ta­kie, które nie idzie na mar­ne. Jes­tem dob­ry dla siebie i dla me­go bez­pośred­niego otocze­nia.

https://xpil.eu/cxu


Andrzej Sapkowski

https://xpil.eu/i00

How funny would it be if NASA discovered a sign on Mars that said, “Congratulations humans, level 1 completed!”

https://xpil.eu/i00


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/8fa

Kobieta w pewnym wieku powinna ustalić, ile ma lat i już się tego trzymać.

https://xpil.eu/8fa


JM

https://xpil.eu/mj4

Reddit is the opposite of Facebook. Reddit is people you don’t know posting things you care about. Facebook is people you know posting things you don’t care about.

https://xpil.eu/mj4


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/1fl

Babies are like random alarm clocks with really complicated snooze buttons.

https://xpil.eu/1fl


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/6d3

The number of eagles who can pick up a bull, you can count them on the fingers of one head.

https://xpil.eu/6d3


Terry Pratchett

https://xpil.eu/5b5

“Am I as bored as you are?” can be read backwards and still make sense.

https://xpil.eu/5b5


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/84a

If old people realized how little time the had left on earth, maybe they’d drive a little faster.

https://xpil.eu/84a


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/qvw

No one ever eats the donuts at the morning meeting but they disappear immediately when moved to the lunchroom after the meeting is over. I never see anyone eating them. Apparently, I work with a bunch of donut ninjas.

https://xpil.eu/qvw


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/lc9

What year did Jesus think it was?

https://xpil.eu/lc9


George Carlin

https://xpil.eu/q53

A fly flying through a fart must be like a human driving past KFC.

https://xpil.eu/q53


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/et4

Star-Lord from the Guardians of the Galaxy movies probably still thinks Santa is real. He was taken from Earth as a kid and then raised in space around aliens and crazy creatures the rest of his life. He probably assumes Santa is an alien.

https://xpil.eu/et4


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/3uk

If you study history far back enough it becomes biology, then geography and lastly physics.

https://xpil.eu/3uk


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/8o1

If you boil a lobster alive you’re a chef, but if you do the same thing to a kitten you’re a monster.

https://xpil.eu/8o1


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/k5n

The object of golf is to play the least amount of golf.

https://xpil.eu/k5n


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/hch

Gdyby ludzie potrafili zdobyć się na uczciwe podejście do sprawy, ryliby na nagrobkach soczyste przekleństwa pod adresem Natury, która tak to urządziła, zamiast ukrywać dowody jej zbrodni pod wiązanką kwiatów.

https://xpil.eu/hch


Stanisław Lem

https://xpil.eu/igq

If ghosts were actually people who died with unfinished business, there would’ve been a huge increase the past 20 years from ghosts haunting someone to delete their browsing history.

https://xpil.eu/igq


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/8v3

Being told Gravity pulls everything “Downward” and not “Inward” at a young age could explain why some people believe the Earth is flat.

https://xpil.eu/8v3


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/q32

Since prehistory, humans must have migrated to the harshest lands on Earth because scratching out a subsistence life in a desert or a polar zone was preferable to dealing with other people.

https://xpil.eu/q32


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/x3t

We’re all just killing time until time kills us.

https://xpil.eu/x3t


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/6a3

Set your WIFI password to 2444666668888888, when your friend ask just tell him it’s 12345678.

https://xpil.eu/6a3


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/n29

When a movie character has blood drip from their nose, we automatically know they are dying of something horrible, when blood drips from my nose, I have a bloody nose.

https://xpil.eu/n29


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ejx

The adjective “unlockable” can have 2 meanings. Something that can’t be locked, and something that can be unlocked.

https://xpil.eu/ejx


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/shb

Anyone alive today was born too late to explore the Earth, too early to explore the galaxy, but just at the right time to view HD photos of the universe while sitting on the toilet.

https://xpil.eu/shb


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/rgo

Dragons would think its cool that we create water in our mouths.

https://xpil.eu/rgo


https://xpil.eu/cix

You can’t save anyone’s life, only postpone their death

https://xpil.eu/cix


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/g3b

Software projects should only be estimated in days, weeks, months or years.

Not a specific number of weeks, mind you. Just saying "It'll take weeks" or "It's months worth of work" is as good as it gets.

https://xpil.eu/g3b


Johan Oscarsson

https://xpil.eu/g5u

The inventor of the wheel decided to cut corners to make his job easier.

https://xpil.eu/g5u


https://xpil.eu/6ee

If you buy cereal in a plastic bag but not a cardboard box, it’s seen as a bit trashy. If you buy wine in a cardboard box but not a bottle, it’s seen as a bit trashy. Therefore, buying cereal in a glass bottle is clearly the most sophisticated option.

https://xpil.eu/6ee


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/inm

There’s more planes in the ocean than there ever will be submarines in the air.

https://xpil.eu/inm


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/z6y

Being a wealthy Nigerian with legitimate overseas interests must be really hard.

https://xpil.eu/z6y


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/jdn

if you rob a bank you won’t need to worry about bills for the next 10 years, successful or not

https://xpil.eu/jdn


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/u5c

People with poor spelling have the best passwords.

https://xpil.eu/u5c


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/x27

When AI gets really smart it’ll be smart enough to not reveal how smart it is.

https://xpil.eu/x27


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/hep

If watermelons exist, why don’t earthmelons, firemelons and airmelsons? The Elemelons.

https://xpil.eu/hep


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/eog

Z publikacjami w internecie jest jak z dziećmi, te, które się nie udają - usuwamy.

https://xpil.eu/eog


Joe Monster

https://xpil.eu/amw

If you lose both of your hands, you will never get the chance to speak Italian.

https://xpil.eu/amw


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/yfx

Kupiłem wczoraj kilogram ryżu. Okazał się chińską podróbą.

https://xpil.eu/yfx


JM

https://xpil.eu/ts5

Dying in the mother’s womb is winning the sperm race just for fun.

https://xpil.eu/ts5


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/sud

If you broke down holy water into hydrogen and oxygen you could make a holy hydrogen bomb.

https://xpil.eu/sud


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/1hn

Cannibalism is the most environmentally friendly diet. For each person you eat you potentially reduce your carbon footprint by 100%.

https://xpil.eu/1hn


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/30l

At this moment there’s a giant perpetually exploding orb in the sky that will blind you if you look at it and the only thing that protects everything from being destroyed by its scorching rays is a magic forcefield generated by a swirling volcano in the planet’s core.

https://xpil.eu/30l


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/mnr

The Guy who shot 50 Cent 9 times and didn’t managed to kill him is the Father of all Stormtroopers.

https://xpil.eu/mnr


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/lxh

Cutting the umbilical cord is switching the baby from a wired life to wifi.

https://xpil.eu/lxh


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/hlu

Heck is where you go when you don’t believe in gosh.

https://xpil.eu/hlu


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/kge

It’s sad that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a mountain lion.

https://xpil.eu/kge


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/7ac

The heart is supposed to represent emotions and feelings but is the most mechanical or machine like organ in out body.

https://xpil.eu/7ac


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/qpn

Since taking my smartphone to the toilet, I know much less about my shampoo ingredients.

https://xpil.eu/qpn


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/p24

Before the internet, there were people who wiped while sitting and people who wiped while standing and they didn’t know that the other existed.

https://xpil.eu/p24


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/e4e

“Meow” means “woof” in cat.

https://xpil.eu/e4e


George Carlin

https://xpil.eu/678

22:22 22/2/22 is a Tuesday.

https://xpil.eu/678


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/85q

Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny.

https://xpil.eu/85q


Stephen Hawking

https://xpil.eu/3sq

All dwarfs are by nature dutiful, serious, literate, obedient and thoughtful people whose only minor failing is a tendency, after one drink, to rush at enemies screaming "Arrrrrrgh!" and axing their legs off at the knee.

https://xpil.eu/3sq


Terry Pratchett

https://xpil.eu/0lh

A line of paint on the road holds more authority than i ever will.

https://xpil.eu/0lh


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/vtt

To był ciężki tydzień. Miałem dwa bardzo intensywne przeżycia. Najpierw urodziła mi się córka, później powiedziałem o tym żonie.

https://xpil.eu/vtt


JM

https://xpil.eu/hqx

Holding down the power button to turn a computer off is eerily similar to holding a pillow on top of someone’s face.

https://xpil.eu/hqx


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/a47

If you had your entire lower half bitten off by sharks but didn’t care, you’d be like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

https://xpil.eu/a47


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/p6h

There's no sense in being precise when you don't even know what you're talking
about.

https://xpil.eu/p6h


John von Neumann

https://xpil.eu/6v0

The fact that different countries don’t use different units of time is extremely convenient.

https://xpil.eu/6v0


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/88q

Remember when Trinity uses fast learning in the Matrix to fly a B212 helicopter? That’s how I feel when Google shows me how to fix a leaky toilet shutoff valve.

https://xpil.eu/88q


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/vug

As a 40yo, babies born today will be the future paramedics coming to help me when I’ve fallen and can’t get up

https://xpil.eu/vug


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/4r6

A coconut is not a nut, nor does it contain any coco.

https://xpil.eu/4r6


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/gg0

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.

https://xpil.eu/gg0


https://xpil.eu/rps

The person who prays for God to change things thinks God has arranged matters wrong, and also thinks they can instruct God on how they should be put right.

https://xpil.eu/rps


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/2j5

Looking for a romantic partner after 30 is like going to the second page of Google search results.

https://xpil.eu/2j5


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/z3v

I know I drive a worthless car when my worries about it being stolen depend on whether the fuel tank is full or not.

https://xpil.eu/z3v


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/9pc

People who believe in homeopathy are highly dilutional.

https://xpil.eu/9pc


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/yr1

If you don’t lie to the doctor about how much you drink, you’re not drinking enough.

https://xpil.eu/yr1


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/21z

69% of people will find a sexual context in any sentence.

https://xpil.eu/21z


NN

https://xpil.eu/c5a

The pen is mightier than the sword if the sword is very short, and the pen is very sharp.

https://xpil.eu/c5a


Terry Pratchett

https://xpil.eu/881

In a sexual situation, both “you’re so good” and “you’re so bad” are perfectly valid compliments.

https://xpil.eu/881


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/c94

Beds are like time machines that take us to breakfast.

https://xpil.eu/c94


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/z3h

With the PS4 Neo, Project Morpheus, and now the Nintendo Switch, we have a Trinity of new gaming platforms named after Matrix characters.

https://xpil.eu/z3h


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/9fw

So far, this is the oldest I’ve been.

https://xpil.eu/9fw


George Carlin

https://xpil.eu/ug5

Having a hair in your tooth brush is bad, but having a tooth in your hair brush is much worse.

https://xpil.eu/ug5


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/m6j

A nice cold drink and an ice cold drink is the same sentence with the space in different places.

https://xpil.eu/m6j


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/kta

We use “pass” in a lot of ways to make things more polite. Like saying “passed away” “passed gas” and “I’ll pass” instead of “They died” “I farted” and “Fuck off.”

https://xpil.eu/kta


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/59u

I always thought reality shows were stupid but then I remembered that in reality people are stupid.

https://xpil.eu/59u


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/v8t

If Tom Cruise put his car into cruise control, is it no longer cruise control?

https://xpil.eu/v8t


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/xpv

Sean is pronounced ‘Shawn’ instead of ‘Seen’. It’s just not right.

https://xpil.eu/xpv


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/tah

If you juice a watermelon, you get melon water.

https://xpil.eu/tah


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/vft

I had more freedom as a kid riding around on a bike than as an adult driving in a car.

https://xpil.eu/vft


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/2f8

Reading a billboard while driving about not reading texts while driving seems ironic.

https://xpil.eu/2f8


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/j2r

Approximate 7.8 billion people have no idea who you are.

https://xpil.eu/j2r


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/cqk

Between coffee and cocaine, it seems like the whole point of Colombia is to wake the rest of the world up.

https://xpil.eu/cqk


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/wrz

Boobs are like the sun, you can stare at them longer with sunglasses on.

https://xpil.eu/wrz


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ti3

I don't believe it. Prove it to me and I still won't believe it.

https://xpil.eu/ti3


Douglas Adams

https://xpil.eu/tf5

Knights in armor probably were so intense because they couldn’t scratch their balls.

https://xpil.eu/tf5


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/xnt

Having a child is the most polluting thing a person can do during their lifetime.

https://xpil.eu/xnt


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/yv1

Letting go of a loved one is hard but some times it’s the only way to survive a rock climbing catastrophe.

https://xpil.eu/yv1


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/e1w

University professors are people who take the advice “stay in school, kids” most seriously.

https://xpil.eu/e1w


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ufc

I can see atoms but only if there’s a bunch of them together.

https://xpil.eu/ufc


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/mte

Science progresses by proving itself wrong. Religions progress by eliminating non-believers.

https://xpil.eu/mte


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/syo

Dlaczego pewien Bóg nie ma jajek na wierzchu? Bo Jehowa.

https://xpil.eu/syo


JM

https://xpil.eu/jib

Jokes are like frogs: they die when dissected.

https://xpil.eu/jib


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/d2n

Becoming an expert is having fewer and fewer people to ask when you don’t know something about the field.

https://xpil.eu/d2n


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/7iw

You don’t really wash your hands, they actually wash each other while you just stand there and watch.

https://xpil.eu/7iw


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/jha

Irony is getting pregnant on a pull-out couch.

https://xpil.eu/jha


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/3nm

Gdyby ludzie od jaskiniowej epoki robili tylko to, co wyglądało na możliwe, do dzisiaj siedzieliby w jaskiniach.

https://xpil.eu/3nm


Stanisław Lem

https://xpil.eu/wqf

If you use a fingerprint scanning system for your house’s entrance, then you literally “press Home to unlock”.

https://xpil.eu/wqf


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/dvb

The greatest part about dating a homeless person is the ability to drop them off anywhere.

https://xpil.eu/dvb


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/0ym

Space cowboys imply the existence of space cows.

https://xpil.eu/0ym


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ce8

The secret to happiness is having low expectations.

https://xpil.eu/ce8


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/9p9

-4° looks like a guy taking a dump

https://xpil.eu/9p9


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/dos

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

https://xpil.eu/dos


George Carlin

https://xpil.eu/OjuMP

“Survived a shark attack” sounds a lot cooler than “Almost killed by a fish”.

https://xpil.eu/OjuMP


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/564

Cinderella must have a hard time shopping for shoes if literally no one else in the kingdom had her size

https://xpil.eu/564


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/hb9

The quicker you accept being wrong, the quicker you become right.

https://xpil.eu/hb9


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/89n

I think the biggest difference between atheists and religious people is that atheist would change their minds if god proved real, believers would not if god proved inexistent.

https://xpil.eu/89n


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/sm1

Bad language is like spice. It adds some flavor, but you don’t want to overdo it.

https://xpil.eu/sm1


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/5qg

Humans are incredibly inefficient. It takes us 7 hours of charging for only 17 hours of use.

https://xpil.eu/5qg


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/x9y

The gods of the Disc have never bothered much about judging the souls of the dead, and so people only go to hell if that's where they believe, in their deepest heart, that they deserve to go. Which they won't do if they don't know about it. This explains why it is so important to shoot missionaries on sight

https://xpil.eu/x9y


Terry Pratchett

https://xpil.eu/ang

The dilemma with a good book always is that you want to finish it but you also don’t want it to end.

https://xpil.eu/ang


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/5j3

Christians are just bible nerds. They love to make their children cosplay the main character’s origin story, and go to conventions every week!

https://xpil.eu/5j3


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/uhu

If poison expires is it more poisonous or less poisonous?

https://xpil.eu/uhu


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/zwa

I am so happy I live in a world with Facebook. Before that, it would have taken weeks, even months, before finding out someone was an idiot.

https://xpil.eu/zwa


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/y3t

A billion unknowable things went right today. But you’ll never hear about them, because they went right.

https://xpil.eu/y3t


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/r1p

Alcohol free and free alcohol are the polar opposites of fun.

https://xpil.eu/r1p


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/cdn

Aby obudzić się jutro rano musisz pamiętać, by przed snem nakręcić zegar biologiczny.

https://xpil.eu/cdn


JM

https://xpil.eu/h6k

Bycie przesądnym przynosi pecha.

https://xpil.eu/h6k


JM

https://xpil.eu/4z1

Any machine can be a smoke machine if you use it wrong enough.

https://xpil.eu/4z1


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/rnc

When you follow a cooking recipe on a digital device, you’re converting bytes into bites.

https://xpil.eu/rnc


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/o0f

Since “you aren’t” and “you’re not” are the same thing, can we just invent “you'ren’t” and use that instead?

https://xpil.eu/o0f


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/smy

 

Nie ma snów śnionych wspólnie.

 

https://xpil.eu/smy


Stanisław Lem

https://xpil.eu/xz5

Spiders are just web developers that are happy to find bugs.

https://xpil.eu/xz5


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/jhu

Neil Armstrong backwards is Gnorts Mr Alien.

https://xpil.eu/jhu


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/bdz

Gluesticks are the stickiest sticks.

https://xpil.eu/bdz


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/81s

Onions are the only vegetable I know that try to prevent you from eating it through emotional manipulation.

https://xpil.eu/81s


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ezn

Looking for a piece of hay in a needle stack would be a lot more challenging.

https://xpil.eu/ezn


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/gea

Anti-Vaxxers are basically saying dead children are a preferable alternative to autistic children.

https://xpil.eu/gea


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/5yh

If life does flash before your eyes right before you die, you’ll see this post again eventually.

https://xpil.eu/5yh


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/20x

"'E's fighting in there!" he stuttered, grabbing the captain's arm. "All by himself?" said the captain. "No, with everyone!" shouted Nobby, hopping from one foot to the other.

https://xpil.eu/20x


Terry Pratchett

https://xpil.eu/sc0

It is better to love yourself and be hated by everyone else than the other way around.

https://xpil.eu/sc0


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/g51

Crazy how we can transmit data from Mars but Wifi still can’t reach people’s bedrooms.

https://xpil.eu/g51


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/bdw

Make headphone wires out of shoelaces and shoelaces out of old headphone wires. That way your headphones will always untie themselves and the laces will never come undone.

https://xpil.eu/bdw


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/n28

The price of balloons is rising largely because of inflation.

https://xpil.eu/n28


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/CCjQq

We will be the last generation to have witnessed life without the Internet.

https://xpil.eu/CCjQq


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/2gi

If a person falls from a high place, dies, and goes to heaven, the ground essentially acted as a trampoline.

https://xpil.eu/2gi


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/qvi

You know you had a good break from work when you come back and can’t remember any passwords.

https://xpil.eu/qvi


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/56r

Watching Christmas movies about families celebrating Christmas has become more traditional than actually celebrating a traditional Christmas.

https://xpil.eu/56r


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/n0x

A memory foam mattress probably wishes it could forget a lot of things.

https://xpil.eu/n0x


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/0bj

The internet uses many terms relating to water. I can surf the web, stream a video, or wait until my computer freezes.

https://xpil.eu/0bj


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/7jb

If you ever feel mad that you missed out on something cool, just remember that Michael Collins flew all the way to the moon on Apollo 11, just to stay in orbit while Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin became the first humans to walk on the moon.

https://xpil.eu/7jb


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/y9f

Everyone hates being sung happy birthday, and everyone hates singing happy birthday, so what the fuck are we doing here.

https://xpil.eu/y9f


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/2xc

A one-man-band would be the funniest kind of person to push down some stairs.

https://xpil.eu/2xc


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/aog

The dumber you are, the fewer dumb people you have to put up with.

https://xpil.eu/aog


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/t3x

Watching someone get go into apeshit rage over something completely arbitrary is hilarious for as long as they’re not family and you’re not in customer service.

https://xpil.eu/t3x


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/c4j

- Jak się nazywa lekarz, który leczy pandy?
- Pandoktor.

https://xpil.eu/c4j


JM

https://xpil.eu/fum

In peace times you can go to jail for killing people. In war time you can go to jail for refusing to kill people.

https://xpil.eu/fum


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/l2f

Iron Man is actually fe-male.

https://xpil.eu/l2f


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/kuw

Death is always a happy ending for yourself. Either you’ll die after a decent life or end a life of suffering.

https://xpil.eu/kuw


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/3ec

Lawyers carry a briefcase in hopes that it will be a brief case.

https://xpil.eu/3ec


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/of4

Starting your day with an early morning run is a great way to make sure your day can’t get any worse than it started.

https://xpil.eu/of4


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/246

I wish I could turn my nose inside out to clean everything off of it instead of picking it.

https://xpil.eu/246


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/7ae

Having voices in your head is normal. Listening to them is common. Arguing with them is acceptable. However, when you begin to lose the argument, you’re in trouble.

https://xpil.eu/7ae


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/p6j

The person who coined the phrase “coined the phrase” coined the phrase.

https://xpil.eu/p6j


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/08i

A czymże jest praw­dzi­wa męskość, jeśli nie wy­mie­sza­nymi w od­po­wied­nich pro­por­cjach klasą i szaleństwem?

https://xpil.eu/08i


Andrzej Sapkowski

https://xpil.eu/4mq

Toilet paper is just a nice way of saying butthole tissues.

https://xpil.eu/4mq


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/u6d

When you buy life insurance, the company is betting that you’ll live and you’re betting that you’ll die.

https://xpil.eu/u6d


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/5i4

Our ancestors wiped their asses with leaves. Today, we chop down trees, trucks the logs to a factory, grind the wood into pulp, bleach it, press it thinly, cut it into rolls, wrap it in plastic, ship it to stores, we buy it, take it home, hang it on the wall, and wipe our asses with it.

https://xpil.eu/5i4


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/t64

There should be a reality show where people track down and expose people who’ve posted horrible and vile comments on the internet.

https://xpil.eu/t64


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/8f8

James Bond is an HR reps worst nightmare. He sleeps with half his co-workers and kills the other half.

https://xpil.eu/8f8


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/uqn

The only person truly qualified to say you are beautiful on the inside is your surgeon.

https://xpil.eu/uqn


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/yo5

What if aliens believe there’s no life in Earth because it’s too warm and full of water.

https://xpil.eu/yo5


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/tml

The difference between being sad and depression is sort of like the difference between the weather and climate.

https://xpil.eu/tml


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ikh

Technology is getting so good it’s almost safe to push people in the pool again.

https://xpil.eu/ikh


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ec9

People with red hair that own a bakery can technically be considered ginger bread people.

https://xpil.eu/ec9


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/wlk

If you work on a farm and your job is to take care of the chickens, you are a chicken tender.

https://xpil.eu/wlk


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/k0e

Countries don’t actually exist, we just pretend that they do.

https://xpil.eu/k0e


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/by2

If you think about it, you are part of one of the few species that can think about it.

https://xpil.eu/by2


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/b2c

According to Led Zeppelin, heaven is not handicap accessible. According to AC/DC, hell is.

https://xpil.eu/b2c


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/8zj

If they make an adult version of Toy Story, the plot of a toy named Buzz replacing a toy named Woody still holds up.

https://xpil.eu/8zj


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/wt7

Doctors say each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off your life. Based on that math I should have died in 1732.

https://xpil.eu/wt7


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/b8x

If I lost at Russian Roulette I wouldn’t even know.

https://xpil.eu/b8x


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ico

Widziałem ostatnio taką wystawę. Była tam wielka iluzja optyczna. Potem się jednak zorientowałem, że to tylko sprawiało wrażenie iluzji.

https://xpil.eu/ico


JM

Unless you assume there was a queue for choosing the birth country before we were born, there's no need to consider nationality in the picture.


Alex Ewerlöf

https://xpil.eu/25e

The Internet would be a much more civil place if we had an official sarcasm font.

https://xpil.eu/25e


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/jev

An ambitious person’s work is never done. A lazy person’s work is also never done.

https://xpil.eu/jev


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/3lv

Anti-vaxxers probably refuse to download anti-virus software because they are afraid it’ll give their laptops autism.

https://xpil.eu/3lv


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/zlh

If alpacas could sing in a group it would be alpacacappella.

https://xpil.eu/zlh


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/l2x

You don’t actually wash your hands. They wash each other while you stand there looking at them like a creep.

https://xpil.eu/l2x


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/nmt

99.99…% of the Universe will kill you instantly. The rest will take a little while to get the job done.

https://xpil.eu/nmt


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/74s

Life is basically being put inside a body and personality you did not choose and having to be in the constant pursuit of happiness until you die.

https://xpil.eu/74s


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/o8v

The aim of cleaning your house is to make it look like nobody lives there.

https://xpil.eu/o8v


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/npu

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot.
C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

https://xpil.eu/npu


Bjarne Stroustrup

https://xpil.eu/19m

To a dog, walks are like those escort missions in games where the NPC always moves annoyingly slow.

https://xpil.eu/19m


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/a3e

You can shovel with a shovel, rake with a rake, but you can’t broom with a broom.

https://xpil.eu/a3e


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/zzu

Global Warming is just the planet getting a fever to try to kill of its infection

https://xpil.eu/zzu


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/3y5

Hydration backpacks are reverse scuba gear.

https://xpil.eu/3y5


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ofy

As kids we think that we know nothing and that adults have all the answers. As teenagers we think that we know everything and that everyone else knows nothing. As adults we realise that no one knows anything.

https://xpil.eu/ofy


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/abq

If you have experience as a kamikaze pilot, you are a shitty kamikaze pilot.

https://xpil.eu/abq


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/vhc

Whoever came up with auto play for websites (videos, audio) should be forced to have car stereos that play random sound files from the internet each time they get in the car.

https://xpil.eu/vhc


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/i5g

If Jesus was well known for turning water into wine, why would the Romans crucify him rather than keeping him as a wine-manufacturing slave, and profit immensely?

https://xpil.eu/i5g


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/0pu

Bread is just like the sun. It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.

https://xpil.eu/0pu


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/cht

People only want you to be yourself if yourself is socially acceptable.

https://xpil.eu/cht


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/t4s

Toilet paper should be free and have advertising printed on it.

https://xpil.eu/t4s


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/duy

Maybe when we die, the light at the end of the tunnel is that of another hospital, being literally born again, and we do so crying because we know we died and lost everything of our past life.

https://xpil.eu/duy


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ws9

There’s religious people going door to door to convince atheists to become religious. Imagine how much controversy there would be if the roles were switched.

https://xpil.eu/ws9


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/djy

- What is it that a man may call the greatest things in life?
- Hot water, good dentishtry and shoft lavatory paper.

https://xpil.eu/djy


Terry Pratchett

https://xpil.eu/8wi

The more suicidal people there are in the world, the less suicidal people there are in the world.

https://xpil.eu/8wi


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/sk8

Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.

https://xpil.eu/sk8


Robert J. Hanlon

https://xpil.eu/1og

Growing up is when you realise that your parents disappoint you instead of you disappointing them.

https://xpil.eu/1og


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/2tu

Of all the things that taste like chicken, surprisingly, eggs is not one of them.

https://xpil.eu/2tu


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/1p5

There are no routine statistical questions, only questionable statistical routines.

https://xpil.eu/1p5


David Cox

https://xpil.eu/6q3

A circle is circular, a triangle is triangular, a rectangle is rectangular, but a square isn’t squarular…

https://xpil.eu/6q3


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/con

Ateistą jestem z powodów moralnych. Uważam, że twórcę rozpoznajemy poprzez jego dzieło. W moim odczuciu świat jest skonstruowany tak fatalnie, że wolę wierzyć, iż nikt go nie stworzył!

https://xpil.eu/con


Stanisław Lem

https://xpil.eu/9y1

It’s pretty ironic that Internet was created to save time.

https://xpil.eu/9y1


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/yjh

We all have a 0% chance of survival.

https://xpil.eu/yjh


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/1od

When it comes to hot food, there are two types of people, you either blow your food until it cools down or you just go HASAHKFNSJGJKF until you can chew it.

https://xpil.eu/1od


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/lq7

I go to work so I can afford food to eat. I eat so I can have energy to go to work. It’s a trap.

https://xpil.eu/lq7


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/8ut

People ask you what you do for a living so that they can calculate the level of respect to give you.

https://xpil.eu/8ut


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/1dp

If sleeping is an 8 hour free trial of death, then dying in your sleep is when you pay the subscription.

https://xpil.eu/1dp


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/jle

Child loses tooth: Tooth Fairy leaves money. Grown-up loses tooth: Tooth Fairy takes money with interest. Conclusion: humans are complex investment vehicles for fairies.

https://xpil.eu/jle


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/1ko

W odpowiedzi na zarzuty Trumpa, że napływ imigrantów zaszkodził Szwecji, wkurzeni Szwedzi wypowiedzieli Trumpowi dżihad.

https://xpil.eu/1ko


JM

https://xpil.eu/5hy

If you light a lighter it becomes lighter, until it’s too light to light.

https://xpil.eu/5hy


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/np6

People survive 100% of their near-death experiences.

https://xpil.eu/np6


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/ktd

Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents’ job.

https://xpil.eu/ktd


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/4d1

If you live every day like it’s your last, you’ll never have clean clothes because nobody wants to do laundry on their last day.

https://xpil.eu/4d1


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/s0f

“Getting stoned” is either really good or really bad depending on what part of the world you live in.

https://xpil.eu/s0f


Shower Thoughts

No matter how hard you push and no matter what the priority, you can't increase the speed of light.


RFC 1925

https://xpil.eu/fwm

Finding and securing the ovarian secretions of highly evolved dinosaurs sounds way more interesting than “Easter egg hunt”

https://xpil.eu/fwm


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/x7x

Documents that say “This page intentionally left blank” intentionally make the page not blank in order to tell you that the page is blank intentionally.

https://xpil.eu/x7x


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/yde

- 2B or not 2B?
Hamlet w zamyśleniu liczył swoje bitcoiny.

https://xpil.eu/yde


JM

https://xpil.eu/fvq

If a polar bear travels to the other pole, he becomes a bipolar bear.

https://xpil.eu/fvq


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/6aw

The current most cutting edge research in physics is the quantum mechanical equivalent of banging rocks together.

https://xpil.eu/6aw


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/9oe

Are trees made out of wood, or is wood made out of trees?

https://xpil.eu/9oe


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/zi6

Flat Earthers never seem to appreciate how lucky we are that the Earth is horizontal rather than vertical.

https://xpil.eu/zi6


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/4b3

To drive a car, you need a license. To build a home, you need a license. To go fishing, you need a license. Yet, almost any person can just up and bring a new human into the world.

https://xpil.eu/4b3


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/yah

Guinness World Records holds the world record for keeping track of the most world records

https://xpil.eu/yah


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/yv9

Vegans can’t use gas-based cars, because oil is made from dead dinosaurs.

https://xpil.eu/yv9


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/hcx

I find the offspring of entirely different species’ to be absolutely adorable, and I can spend hours interacting with them. My own species’ offspring, however, I find creepy and go out of my way to avoid.

https://xpil.eu/hcx


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/uaj

‌‌In 2‌‌019 w‌‌e w‌‌ere s‌‌taying a‌‌way f‌‌rom n‌‌egative p‌‌eople, i‌‌n 2‌‌020 w‌‌e are s‌‌taying a‌‌way f‌‌rom p‌‌ositive p‌‌eople.

https://xpil.eu/uaj


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ylj

Humans are 75% water. Basically cucumbers with anxiety.

https://xpil.eu/ylj


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/h67

The guy that built a rocket to launch himself into space to prove that the earth is flat is a perfect example of how you can be extremely intelligent in one area but extremely dumb in another.

https://xpil.eu/h67


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/21j

The best part about Apple’s changes to iPhone 7 is reading about it on my Android device.

https://xpil.eu/21j


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/xcw

Colorblind people probably wonder why many countries use the same flag

https://xpil.eu/xcw


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/p7m

A stopped clock is right twice a day. But a clock running backwards at the normal speed is right four times a day.

https://xpil.eu/p7m


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/v0s

Dwadzieścia osób na dziesięć cierpi na rozdwojenie jaźni.

https://xpil.eu/v0s


JM

https://xpil.eu/6c8

Wet socks are the worst first world problem. We are literally complaining about having both water and socks.

https://xpil.eu/6c8


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/fxt

A book is just step-by-step instructions of what to imagine.

https://xpil.eu/fxt


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/5gy

The Wright brothers first flew in 1903. Neil Armstrong walked on the moon in 1969. Within a human life span we went from barely getting off the ground to walking on another celestial body.

https://xpil.eu/5gy


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/myw

Owning a cat is like living with a bi-polar ninja.

https://xpil.eu/myw


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/gsu

Your mouth is really just the beginning of your butthole.

https://xpil.eu/gsu


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/5r7

I wonder if any prostitutes ever finish a transaction and tell their clients, “it was a business doing pleasure with you.”

https://xpil.eu/5r7


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/7rd

Luke Skywalker joined the Rebellion because he saw a 10 second video and thought his sister was hot.

https://xpil.eu/7rd


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/17s

- Jak nazywa się najpiękniejszy most w Anglii?
- Most Beautiful.

https://xpil.eu/17s


JM

https://xpil.eu/zw5

Czelabińscy robotnicy kolejowi udowodnili, że dwie proste równoległe mogą się przecinać.

https://xpil.eu/zw5


JM

https://xpil.eu/p17

There is a fine line between numerator and denominator. Sadly, only a fraction of people understands this.

https://xpil.eu/p17


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/690

Shoes are just portable floors.

https://xpil.eu/690


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/tpn

Holding back a fart is something only an asshole can do.

https://xpil.eu/tpn


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/wcx

If you “nailed” something, it’s a good thing, but if you “screwed it up” it’s bad. Why are nails better than screws?

https://xpil.eu/wcx


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/yus

The problem with taking the bull by the horns is that it’s a bull. With horns.

https://xpil.eu/yus


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/fys

Going to the gym is like a choice between you hating your body or your body hating you.

https://xpil.eu/fys


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/8k2

In just a few short years, my body has gone from saying “you don’t need to drink to have fun”, to “you don’t need to be having fun to drink”

https://xpil.eu/8k2


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/6uf

When your phone is on vibrate you get a text massage.

https://xpil.eu/6uf


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/rbh

You’ll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.

https://xpil.eu/rbh


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/vk6

February 22nd, 2022 (2/22/22) falls on a Tuesday, making it 2’s day.

https://xpil.eu/vk6


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/v5e

On April 1st, you trick. On October 31, half a year later, you treat.

https://xpil.eu/v5e


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/eja

Dla twórców słowników telefoniczno-klawiaturowych jest przewidziany w piekle oddzielny kozioł.

https://xpil.eu/eja


JM

https://xpil.eu/kuq

Vegans shouldn’t eat vegetables because it needs fertilizer to grow and fertilizer is made from animal shit which is an animal product.

https://xpil.eu/kuq


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/uhv

"What're quantum mechanics?"
"I don't know. People who repair quantums, I suppose."

https://xpil.eu/uhv


Terry Pratchett

https://xpil.eu/oiv

The hardest problem in computer science is not being an opinionated jerk about everything.

https://xpil.eu/oiv


N. Takayama

https://xpil.eu/c80

You are not scared of flying , you are scared of suddenly not flying anymore.

https://xpil.eu/c80


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/w75

Once Time Travel Becomes Possible, It Always Has Been.

https://xpil.eu/w75


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/6sw

If you really want to save the planet, stop having kids.

https://xpil.eu/6sw


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/v3g

You know what’s more fun than traveling with small children? Anything. Literally anything…

https://xpil.eu/v3g


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/z9h

Drinking for Earths revolutions is normal but drinking for Earths rotations makes you an alcoholic.

https://xpil.eu/z9h


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/dmd

Trojan Condoms are one of the most popular brands but they are named after a city that fell because Greeks got through its defenses.

https://xpil.eu/dmd


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/lyb

If you dig through history, you will never see the good guys burning books.

https://xpil.eu/lyb


W. Smith

Matematyczny ład świata to nasza modlitwa do piramidy chaosu.


Stanisław Lem

https://xpil.eu/vhg

An hour glass has more moving parts than a complicated wrist watch.

https://xpil.eu/vhg


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/1ub

Many people’s entire belief system is based on one book, and they will love, respect, honour, cherish and worship that book…..everything except actually read it.

https://xpil.eu/1ub


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/jvf

Holding the door for someone is really polite. Holding the revolving door for someone is really rude.

https://xpil.eu/jvf


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/12u

Na Ziemi (...) nikt nikomu nie wierzy ot tak, nikt nie dotrzymuje słowa i nikt nie spełnia obietnic danych bez świadków, prawników, papierów, dowodów, nagrań i pisemnych gwarancji, a i to tylko czasem. Tu jednak jest tylko nas dwóch, słowo i uścisk dłoni. To świat, w którym reputacja człowieka zależy od jego uczciwości i jest cenniejsza od gór złota. Tu nie ma większej gwarancji niż słowo.

https://xpil.eu/12u


Jarosław Grzędowicz

https://xpil.eu/hs0

KFC is both a restaurant and the main units of temperature.

https://xpil.eu/hs0


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/e98

If I’m reading their lips correctly, it looks like my neighbors are having an argument about the creepy guy next door.

https://xpil.eu/e98


W. Smith

https://xpil.eu/gik

A physicist is a collection of particles trying to understand themselves.

https://xpil.eu/gik


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/utr

Not teaching the public about taxes, economics, proper money handling, credit, etc makes sense when you remember who controls public education.

https://xpil.eu/utr


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/k2v

We spend so much time looking at different configurations of pixels.

https://xpil.eu/k2v


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/t0p

What our ancestors would really be thinking, if they were alive today, is: "Why is it so dark in here?"

https://xpil.eu/t0p


Terry Pratchett

https://xpil.eu/89u

This is the 21st century, where deleting history is more important than creating history.

https://xpil.eu/89u


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ebh

In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.

https://xpil.eu/ebh


Terry Pratchett

https://xpil.eu/LTjQ1

One day an iPhone is going to explode, and Android people are going to be like, “Samsung has had this feature for years”.

https://xpil.eu/LTjQ1


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/wy2

Dogs protect humans from other humans and humans protect dogs from other dogs.

https://xpil.eu/wy2


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ygk

Based on Gladwell’s 10,000 hour theory, it takes until the approximate age of 96 before one masters the art of Pooping.

https://xpil.eu/ygk


https://xpil.eu/bys

Every single decision you have ever taken has led to you reading this sentence.

https://xpil.eu/bys


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/2fw

A child is the most expensive thing you can get for free.

https://xpil.eu/2fw


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/gry

I wonder if life gives dyslexic people melons instead of lemons?…

https://xpil.eu/gry


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/8b8

Saying there’s no bad dogs only bad people leads us to there’s no bad people only bad parents, which leads to a recursive function that ends with the original multicellular organism being a jerk.

https://xpil.eu/8b8


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/kob

The biscuit and triscuit must have rendered the monoscuit obsolete.

https://xpil.eu/kob


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/czm

You don’t need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

https://xpil.eu/czm


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/g6o

Despite being many colours, crayola crayons all taste the same.

https://xpil.eu/g6o


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/7ak

I wonder if anyone has ever killed themselves solely because they were SUPER CURIOUS to see what happens afterwards and didn’t feel like waiting 60 more years dicking around on Earth

https://xpil.eu/7ak


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ahz

If you eat well, get good sleep, exercise, and drink plenty of water, you’ll die anyways.

https://xpil.eu/ahz


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/p7h

If you sell prosthetics but don’t introduce yourself as an arms dealer, what are you even doing with your life.

https://xpil.eu/p7h


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/84y

If a tattoo artist pays a stripper back with tattoos, would that be the only truely Tit-For-Tat relationship?

https://xpil.eu/84y


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/cwg

The guy who invented the phrase “one hit wonder”, probably never came up with another famous expression.

https://xpil.eu/cwg


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/jmb

Amazon really needs a “I have £20 to spend and no idea what I want, show me cool things” button.

https://xpil.eu/jmb


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/bg8

In space you could have double sided pizza.

https://xpil.eu/bg8


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/kqx

Alcohol and drugs are like happiness banks; you take out a loan and pay it back later, with interest.

https://xpil.eu/kqx


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/8v4

As a pregnant woman, my body contains eight limbs, and therefore this is the closest I’ll ever be to being a spider…

https://xpil.eu/8v4


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/fia

Janusz, czytając w supermarkecie skład Domestosu, z przyzwyczajenia zaczął stawiać klocka.

https://xpil.eu/fia


JM

https://xpil.eu/69j

If Mary had baby Jesus, and Jesus is the lamb of God…. Then Mary really did have a little lamb.

https://xpil.eu/69j


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/efs

W Japonii połączono KFC ze Starbucksem.
Dokonał tego znany wizjoner Kurokawa.

https://xpil.eu/efs


JM

https://xpil.eu/8kj

"It sucks all the life right out of you, civilisation."

"It killed Old Vincent the Ripper," said Boy Willie. "He choked to death on a concubine."

There was no sound but the hiss of snow in the fire and a number of people thinking fast.

"I think you mean cucumber," said the bard.

"That's right, cucumber," said Boy Willie. "I've never been good at them long words."

https://xpil.eu/8kj


Terry Pratchett

https://xpil.eu/1ic

When I’m driving at 60mph I automatically convert miles to minutes.

https://xpil.eu/1ic


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/2er

We want restaurant quality food when we cook at home, but we also want home cooked quality food when we go to a restaurant.

https://xpil.eu/2er


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/zut

Christmas is the only day when you get presents on someone else’s birthday.

https://xpil.eu/zut


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/11o

- Poprosiłem Świętego Mikołaja o grant na projekt badawczy.
- Wciąż wierzysz w granty na projekty badawcze?

https://xpil.eu/11o


JM

https://xpil.eu/yju

Pencils are an interesting metaphor for people; you use them till they get tired, then refresh them which takes a tiny bit off their lifespan, and after enough cycles all that’s left is what was written and the ability to erase it all.

https://xpil.eu/yju


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/j71

Hummingbirds wouldn’t need so much nectar if they just slowed the fuck down.

https://xpil.eu/j71


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/eun

There is an uninterrupted tube going from your mouth to your anus. Since your body doesn’t completely close it off. Really humans are just like giant donuts with arms and legs. Food never really goes in you it just touches the walls of your inner-donut until you absorb the nutrients.

https://xpil.eu/eun


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/5jm

If you look at your keyboard, you realize nothing is under control…

https://xpil.eu/5jm


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/nzm

Kiedy wracałem z wakacji linie lotnicze naliczyły mi dodatkową opłatę, bo miałem za duży bagaż wspomnień.

https://xpil.eu/nzm


JM

https://xpil.eu/z7d

Noses are in the middle of our faces because it’s the scenter.

https://xpil.eu/z7d


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/rs9

To find a needle in a haystack all you have to do is burn down the haystack.

https://xpil.eu/rs9


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/4iy

Oxygen has worst withdrawal symptoms of all.

https://xpil.eu/4iy


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/hqd

Puberty is basically when the thought of your crush seeing you naked goes from worst case scenario to best case scenario.

https://xpil.eu/hqd


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/inl

The Scarecrow in Oz wanted a brain but got a diploma instead, proving you don’t need a brain to get a diploma.

https://xpil.eu/inl


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/xao

The hardest thing I ever attempted to do was to come up with a new letter of the alphabet without it sounding like the 26 that already existed

https://xpil.eu/xao


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/yy8

If God took the seventh day off to rest, shouldn’t Christians not pray on Sunday and let him enjoy his day off.

https://xpil.eu/yy8


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/kla

Gambling addiction hotlines would probably get more traffic if every 8th caller won a cash prize.

https://xpil.eu/kla


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/waj

Doves are a symbol of love and pigeons are a symbol of stupidity, yet they are basically the same.

https://xpil.eu/waj


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ac4

No one ever finds Jesus before being told about him. Odd that.

https://xpil.eu/ac4


Adrian Briggs

https://xpil.eu/fsg

If you live 70 years, you spent 10 years on Monday.

https://xpil.eu/fsg


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/c74

If polar bears were in Antarctica too, they’d be bipolar bears.

https://xpil.eu/c74


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ctf

You know it’s a serious poo when you have to take your shirt off halfway through.

https://xpil.eu/ctf


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/2gh

It’s very hard to distinguish between someone being brutally murdered and kids playing if you go by sound alone.

https://xpil.eu/2gh


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/ond

Being a female werewolf must suck. They’d have to deal with “that time of the month,” two times a month.

https://xpil.eu/ond


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/zu2

Your brain is slowly 3D printing your hair.

https://xpil.eu/zu2


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/3tc

The history on my calculator is far more embarrassing than the history on my web browser.

https://xpil.eu/3tc


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/x8y

Airports have seen more sincere kisses than wedding halls.

https://xpil.eu/x8y


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/y3z

You are not, “stuck in traffic.” You are traffic.

https://xpil.eu/y3z


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/dwo

Singing happy birthday and cutting the cake is pretty similar to a satanic ritual. A gathering of people huddle around an object that is on fire, chant a repetitive song in unison then blow the fire out and stab the object. This “ceremony” represents another year closer to inevitable death.

https://xpil.eu/dwo


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/6ko

Politics becomes even more depressing when you realize that it’s literally a never-ending series of popularity contests.

https://xpil.eu/6ko


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/keu

Humans eat hot peppers solely for the trait the peppers adapted in order to not be eaten.

https://xpil.eu/keu


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/vky

From the Cat’s perspective, the human outside is dead and alive at the same time and cannot be known until the box is opened.

https://xpil.eu/vky


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ry6

After Beethoven died he became a decomposer.

https://xpil.eu/ry6


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/8gq

Moja żona jest tak gruba, że zamontowałem w lodówce żarówkę energooszczędną.

https://xpil.eu/8gq


JM

https://xpil.eu/xul

The word “plagiarism” is derived from another language.

https://xpil.eu/xul


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/x1d

Sleeping is like death but with ads.

https://xpil.eu/x1d


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/crz

One day, an iPhone will explode and Samsung users will say “Samsung has had this feature for years.”

https://xpil.eu/crz


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/gad

Kind of weird that when you want to adopt a kid they do a thorough check up on you, but if you want to make a kid you can do so whenever you want.

https://xpil.eu/gad


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/mcu

Soon we will have ghosts that will only stay in a corner with their phones laughing faintly from time to time.

https://xpil.eu/mcu


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/qrd

"Rage Against the Machine" were originally called, "Let’s Buy a Wireless Printer".

https://xpil.eu/qrd


W. Smith

https://xpil.eu/40a

Bill Gates is like a maxed out video game character who has nothing else to do but help the noobs.

https://xpil.eu/40a


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/nrr

The only difference between a murder and an assassination is how famous the corpse is.

https://xpil.eu/nrr


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/tvd

If you have a problem with an entire generation you shouldn’t blame them. You should blame the generation that raised them.

https://xpil.eu/tvd


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/vcp

The definition of a gentleman - "A man who can play the bagpipes. But doesn't."

https://xpil.eu/vcp


old Scottish proverb

https://xpil.eu/dv5

- Miałeś palić węglem, żeby mniej zanieczyszczać powietrze. Pamiętasz? Czym palisz?
- Miałem...

https://xpil.eu/dv5


JM

https://xpil.eu/7jk

The moment you make a billion dollars, you become the world’s poorest billionaire.

https://xpil.eu/7jk


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/zuv

Any distance is walking distance if you’re broke enough.

https://xpil.eu/zuv


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/2i6

If you’ve had sex with less than 12 people, people that have had sex with you belong to a more exclusive club than those who have walked on the moon.

https://xpil.eu/2i6


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/rby

Murphy's Law is recursive.  Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.

https://xpil.eu/rby


https://xpil.eu/5f0

“up” is “dn”, upside down

https://xpil.eu/5f0


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/48u

All the electrons,protons and neutrons in your body were created at the beginning of time, They have always existed and they will be there long after your death.

https://xpil.eu/48u


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/3sa

If your house doesn’t have house numbers on it, you need to address that situation.

https://xpil.eu/3sa


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ujk

FedEx can get a can of corn from Nebraska to California faster than the human body can get it from one end to the other.

https://xpil.eu/ujk


https://xpil.eu/2kx

I wish I was as brave as Internet Explorer asking to be my default browser.

https://xpil.eu/2kx


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/1vy

Teenagers are some of the crankiest people because they’re beginning to realize that the world is a shitty place.

https://xpil.eu/1vy


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/fz5

Nothing ensures the survival of a species like being tasty to humans.

https://xpil.eu/fz5


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/q8c

Taking Viagra by mistake is a lesson you learn the hard way.

https://xpil.eu/q8c


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/gld

If you don’t drink alcohol because you have recovered from alcoholism, you’re admired, but if you don’t drink and never have, you’re weird.

https://xpil.eu/gld


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/4vw

If you die in a car accident you overdosed on kinetic energy.

https://xpil.eu/4vw


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/9yi

Most teenagers pull their phones out of their pockets to check the time. We are reverting to the era of pocket watches.

https://xpil.eu/9yi


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/wjh

What if fossilization is a myth and animals just used to be made of rock?

https://xpil.eu/wjh


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ltj

Depending on how you look at it, half of 8 could be 4, 3, or 0.

https://xpil.eu/ltj


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/t3n

Farting someone awake is an achievement. Farting someone asleep is attempted murder.

https://xpil.eu/t3n


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/550

There should be signs telling you when drug free school zones end so you know when it’s OK to do drugs again.

https://xpil.eu/550


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/y82

If Bill Gates bought two gates and payed for it then Bill Gates payed the bill for Bill Gates's gates.

https://xpil.eu/y82


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/7f1

Work is like a video game you play 40hrs a week. You go to a different world, you train your work character, collect exp, and try to level up to get more gold.

https://xpil.eu/7f1


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/2r7

If someone sued over luggage, it could be a suit suit or a case case.

https://xpil.eu/2r7


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/k3i

I am glad that farts aren’t contagious as yawns

https://xpil.eu/k3i


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/vo7

Money may not buy you happiness, but it does buy you a better quality of misery.

https://xpil.eu/vo7


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/np2

I wonder what all of the people who type “U” instead of “you” do with all of that extra free time?

https://xpil.eu/np2


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/lh0

Andromeda Galaxy is going to collide with the Milky way in 4 billion years. We still have time to rename Andromeda to Cookie Way.

https://xpil.eu/lh0


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/tje

“Open” starts with a letter that’s closed. “Closed” starts with a letter that’s open.

https://xpil.eu/tje


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/5vf

Tom Hanks is actually married to a Wilson.

https://xpil.eu/5vf


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/2w7

Does anyone feel 100% confident correctly pronouncing the word “Worcestershire”?

https://xpil.eu/2w7


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/388

People are very divided over what happens after death, but not over what happens before birth, even though they are essentially the same state of nonexistence.

https://xpil.eu/388


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/yuo

Buying a new wallet is sort of like your money selling off its family members for a housing upgrade.

https://xpil.eu/yuo


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/5ky

If there are capital letters, why aren’t there capital numbers. I want to be able to yell statistics at people.

https://xpil.eu/5ky


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/h54

If you sell both of your kidneys, you’ll have enough money for the rest of your life.

https://xpil.eu/h54


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/qxl

It goes without saying that saying “it goes without saying,” is directly followed by saying that exact thing.

https://xpil.eu/qxl


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/shf

Hand dryers are really just machines that warm your hands before you wipe them on your trousers.

https://xpil.eu/shf


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/evs

Sleeping is an eight hour free trial of death, and we love that shit.

https://xpil.eu/evs


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/wb4

My TI-83 Plus calculator is almost 15 years old and works just as well as it did on the first day. Its outlasted every other piece of technology I’ve ever purchased for a similar price or greater.

https://xpil.eu/wb4


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/u8l

If the Earth was actually flat, there would be a fringe group claiming it was round.

https://xpil.eu/u8l


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/v4k

Dogs barking at each other with a fence in the middle is a lot like people talking on the internet.

https://xpil.eu/v4k


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/apt

DiCaprio never died in Titanic. The last scene is him going underwater and the first scene in Inception is him waking up on a beach.

https://xpil.eu/apt


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/bec

Paleontologists missed a golden opportunity by not calling the dinosaur-ending rock a disasteroid.

https://xpil.eu/bec


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/pgm

Umbilical cords are just little human chargers. Death is inevitable because our battery dies.

https://xpil.eu/pgm


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/z1m

At some point chemicals became so complex that they started studying themselves.

https://xpil.eu/z1m


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/745

Tam gdzie dziś piętrzą się góry, będą kiedyś morza, tam gdzie dziś pełnią się morza, będą kiedyś pus­ty­nie. A głupo­ta po­zos­ta­nie głupotą.

https://xpil.eu/745


Andrzej Sapkowski

https://xpil.eu/fzy

The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking.

https://xpil.eu/fzy


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/hjq

Vegans that feed their carnivorous pets a vegan diet do to their beliefs is a form of torture. It is the slowest form of torture to be honest. They withhold proper nutrients while keeping that animal alive just long enough to endure a slow and painful death. It may be the most cruelest way to die.

https://xpil.eu/hjq


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/iv0

Humans are more afraid of the rise of ai than the decrease of iq.

https://xpil.eu/iv0


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/nnv

When you take a cigarette out of a pack, the pack becomes a cigarette lighter!

https://xpil.eu/nnv


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/6j8

If you run in front of a car you get tired. If you run behind a car you get exhausted.

https://xpil.eu/6j8


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/wbf

“A pair of scissors” and “two scissors” represent two different quantities of scissors.

https://xpil.eu/wbf


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/oov

I hope when I die, that it’s early in the morning so I don’t have to go to work that day for no reason.

https://xpil.eu/oov


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/dcl

We don’t pronounce the “k” in knowledge until we acknowledge it.

https://xpil.eu/dcl


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/76v

History teaches us that mankind doesn’t learn from history.

https://xpil.eu/76v


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/4j2

Anybody that questions why you are shoveling six inches of snow in the *middle* of a snowstorm hasn’t shoveled twelve inches of snow at the end of a snowstorm.

https://xpil.eu/4j2


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/nan

If you take a book containing all of the animals that we’ve discovered and pick a page at random, there’s a 1 in 4 chance that the page describes a type of beetle.

https://xpil.eu/nan


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/yqu

“please disable your adblock” messages might as well say “please hit your back button and never return to this website”

https://xpil.eu/yqu


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/6v6

Buying insurance is the only type of gambling where the bigger you lose, the more you win.

https://xpil.eu/6v6


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/vhe

If we all agreed to stop ironing, creases would become the new global norm allowing humanity to free itself from the tyrannical grip of the iron industry forever.

https://xpil.eu/vhe


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/rb4

The biggest difference between surfing and snowboarding is the temperature of the water.

https://xpil.eu/rb4


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/dd8

“The early bird catches the worm”, they told you, but they never tell “The early worm gets caught”.

https://xpil.eu/dd8


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/slg

It’s better to find spinach in your teeth than it is to find teeth in your spinach.

https://xpil.eu/slg


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/t19

Chwytam się różnych rzeczy,
śniegu, drzew, niepotrzebnych telefonów,
czułości dziecka, wyjazdów,
wierszy Różewicza,
snu, jabłek, porannej gimnastyki,
rozmów o błogich własnościach witamin,
wystaw awangardowej sztuki,
spacerów na kopiec Kościuszki, polityki,
muzyki Pandereckiego,
żywiołowych katastrof w obcych krajach,
rozkoszy moralności i rozkoszy niemoralności,
plotek, zimnego tuszu, zagranicznych żurnali,
nauki włoskiego języka,
sympatii dla psów, kalendarza.

Chwytam się wszystkiego,
żeby się nie zapaść
w przepaść.

https://xpil.eu/t19


Anna Świrszczyńska

https://xpil.eu/mln

It would be weird if urine was yellow instead of red.

https://xpil.eu/mln


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/xzf

A beginner thinks they know most of a subject, an intermediate thinks they know some of a subject, an expert thinks they know almost nothing and a master thinks no-one knows anything.

https://xpil.eu/xzf


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/khu

Kobieca logika jest jak umowa licencyjna. Niczego nie pojmujesz, ale akceptujesz, bo jakie masz inne wyjście?

https://xpil.eu/khu


JM

https://xpil.eu/l01

Smoking is good for the environment as it kills humans.

https://xpil.eu/l01


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/jw2

Without the laugh track, The Big Bang Theory is a depressing TV show about mentally disabled people unable to perform normal social actions.

https://xpil.eu/jw2


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/35y

Don’t compare yourself with anyone in this world…if you do so, you are insulting yourself.

https://xpil.eu/35y


Bill Gates

https://xpil.eu/ydu

If hell does exist, it surely has a welcome tutorial that cannot be skipped.

https://xpil.eu/ydu


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/k4o

We are perpetually in one of three states: pre-poo, post-poo, and poo-poo.

https://xpil.eu/k4o


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/te5

Remember all the birds you saw outside as a kid? They are all dead.

https://xpil.eu/te5


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/qrt

If you have two choices, and one is taken away, all of a sudden you have no choice.

https://xpil.eu/qrt


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/oaw

He moved in a way that suggested he was attempting the world speed record for the nonchalant walk.

https://xpil.eu/oaw


Terry Pratchett

https://xpil.eu/o68

If you wore an invisible cloak, we would still be able to see you, we just wouldn't be able to see the cloak.

https://xpil.eu/o68


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/tv2

If you dye your hair red, then you are trans-gingered.

https://xpil.eu/tv2


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/348

Kiedyś weekendy to były małe wakacje. Teraz to minutowe przerwy między rundami na ringu.

https://xpil.eu/348


JM

https://xpil.eu/8fs

If shaving commercials want to impress me then they should shave a bison, not hairless legs.

https://xpil.eu/8fs


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/5hx

If the purpose of life is to live long, reproduce and to bring joy for all without harming any other species, trees are actually winning this game.

https://xpil.eu/5hx


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/d9m

I have more respect for someone with opposing views but an open mind than someone with the same views and a closed mind.

https://xpil.eu/d9m


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/wyd

The mentality of “live today as if you die tomorrow” is a great way of increasing your chances of dying by tomorrow.

https://xpil.eu/wyd


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/gip

The “ueue” in Queue aren’t silent, they’re just waiting for their turn.

https://xpil.eu/gip


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/mwz

Your money’s not yours. It’s just your turn with it.

https://xpil.eu/mwz


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/hkr

My goals in life have very good goalies.

https://xpil.eu/hkr


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/qoa

We compliment landscape paintings by saying it looks so real while we describe a beautiful landscape by saying it looks like a painting.

https://xpil.eu/qoa


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/wei

The dictionary can be considered a holy book, since it has the meaning of life.

https://xpil.eu/wei


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/958

Ireland is just one sea away from Iceland.

https://xpil.eu/958


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/nnc

IQ tests measure the probability of a person mentioning their IQ.

https://xpil.eu/nnc


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/4cv

You’ll never be able to confirm with certainty that you’re not immortal until you actually die.

https://xpil.eu/4cv


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/fgl

You can weigh yourself before and after your morning shit. The difference determines how full of shit you are.

https://xpil.eu/fgl


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ok0

If soda cans were square, root beer would just be beer.

https://xpil.eu/ok0


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/xb1

The amount of battery life I have left when I leave work is a good indication of how productive my day was.

https://xpil.eu/xb1


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/60c

I would be more excited to see an Olympics with fully doped, drugged, and modified athletes.

https://xpil.eu/60c


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/bom

Companies that manufacture arm prosthetics are technically arms dealers.

https://xpil.eu/bom


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/w6r

“Head, shoulders, knees, and toes” is just a song about what’s gonna hurt when you’re 50.

https://xpil.eu/w6r


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/gt8

According to our brain, the brain is the most important organ in our body.

https://xpil.eu/gt8


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/781

Adults think its disrespectful when you don’t let them disrespect you.

https://xpil.eu/781


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/jr8

One of the “A"s in Aaron is silent, and we will never know which it is.

https://xpil.eu/jr8


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/x88

We say that is wrong to take children to LGBT support events as they are too young to make their own choices, yet taking them to church and christening them is considered a good thing.

https://xpil.eu/x88


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/9by

A sperm is essentially a zip file that takes 9 months to decompress.

https://xpil.eu/9by


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/kns

Adam and Eve were the first people to accept Apple’s terms and conditions without reading them…

https://xpil.eu/kns


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/2jc

When you get half a pickle with your sandwich, you are sharing a pickle with a stranger.

https://xpil.eu/2jc


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/zr5

I was reading about the silent film era and thinking about how silly the word "talkie" is, and was then forced to really consider, for the first time, the word "movie".

https://xpil.eu/zr5


W. Smith

https://xpil.eu/zqd

On the internet you can choose to be anything you want. It’s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.

https://xpil.eu/zqd


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/n1y

Eating: you put food in a cavity with 32 bones, then a meat tentacle pushes it down into a pool of acid.

https://xpil.eu/n1y


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/vup

How much more interesting would watching sports be if they replaced the network commentators with one die hard (borderline beligerent) fan from each team and stuck them in the booth together? And allowed them drink during the broadcast?

https://xpil.eu/vup


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/zmg

Remember that every corpse on Everest was once a highly motivated person.

https://xpil.eu/zmg


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/mvv

A scented candle store burning down would smell amazing.

https://xpil.eu/mvv


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/aeu

Zamówiłem książkę o zaburzeniach erekcji. Jeszcze nie doszła.

https://xpil.eu/aeu


skijlen-JM

https://xpil.eu/9vb

In The Martian when Matt Damon finds the old Mars Rover buried in the sand, he doesn’t unearth it, he unmarses it.

https://xpil.eu/9vb


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/mho

Telling a person who lost a family member “You’ll see them again someday” is a nice way of saying “You’re gonna die and you can’t stop it.”

https://xpil.eu/mho


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/anm

A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.

https://xpil.eu/anm


George Carlin

https://xpil.eu/jiy

Since you only run one side of your blinkers at once, aren’t they winkers?

https://xpil.eu/jiy


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/w2m

80% of yoga is holding in a fart.

https://xpil.eu/w2m


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/w6x

Everything smells a little like nose.

https://xpil.eu/w6x


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/vW9J0

If I know someone can take a joke/insult without being offended, then I don’t mind if they insult me. But if it is someone who gets offended easily who insults me, I find that offensive.

https://xpil.eu/vW9J0


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/93w

Having a hot gf is like having a nice car. At first its fun, but eventually its the maintenance and people wanting to steal it becomes more of an issue.

https://xpil.eu/93w


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/9y4

The first fart in a relationship is a much more significant milestone than the first kiss.

https://xpil.eu/9y4


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/mfn

When a website has a screen like “Success!” after making a simple online transaction, it’s probably because the programmers were surprised their code worked.

https://xpil.eu/mfn


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/kmv

If you rob a store naked as a minor, no one can watch the footage without committing a crime.

https://xpil.eu/kmv


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/3re

Kobiety są mi potrzebne do życia jak powietrze. Tylko te opłaty klimatyczne...

https://xpil.eu/3re


JM

https://xpil.eu/nhn

There are only two kinds of languages: the ones people complain about and the ones nobody uses.

https://xpil.eu/nhn


Bjarne Stroustrup

https://xpil.eu/65y

Tall, dark and handsome. A strong, silent type. Women are looking for trees.

https://xpil.eu/65y


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/280

If Katniss and Peeta from “Hunger Games” were Hollywood celebrities, their supercouple nickname would either be Katpee or Peeniss.

https://xpil.eu/280


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/6fb

Give a man a fish he’ll eat for a day. Give a fish a man and he’ll eat for a week!

https://xpil.eu/6fb


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/r4s

Mini is the miniature version of miniature.

https://xpil.eu/r4s


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/5nb

How can someone pick a peck of pickled peppers? You don’t pickle them until after they’re picked. Peter Piper’s a bullshitter.

https://xpil.eu/5nb


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/s6j

As a ghost, the first thing seen after death is an earth traveling away from you at a speed of 67,000 mph due to the lack of mass that would allow the earths gravity to pull you with it.

https://xpil.eu/s6j


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/flo

Połknąłem przez roztargnienie spinacz. Teraz siedzę przy biurku cały spięty.

https://xpil.eu/flo


JM

https://xpil.eu/gvw

We live thanks to oxygen created by trees and water. And we use them to clean our ass.

https://xpil.eu/gvw


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/587

Ostatnie badania wykazały, że 42% Amerykanów ma nadwagę, a 34% jest otyła. Pozostali zjedli ankiety.

https://xpil.eu/587


JM

https://xpil.eu/i1c

Dragons can’t blow out candles.

https://xpil.eu/i1c


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/w92

Both World Wars were started because of Austria. WW1 started because an Austrian was shot. WW2 started because an Austrian wasn’t.

https://xpil.eu/w92


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/b12

Fishing and releasing is kinda like chasing a stranger with a knife, stabbing them and then saying, “Ok thanks, you can go now”

https://xpil.eu/b12


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/0s0

- Jaki jest ulubiony sport za kratami?
- Piłka ręczna.

https://xpil.eu/0s0


JM

https://xpil.eu/j2u

- Skąd Ojciec Dyrektor ma tę czerwoną Teslę?
- Z nieba mi spadła...

https://xpil.eu/j2u


JM

https://xpil.eu/cdo

When the person who invented the usb dies, they better put the coffin in the ground, bring it back out, flip it over and put it back in.

https://xpil.eu/cdo


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/pm8

A small group of people expecting you to do something is peer pressure. A very large group of people expecting you to do something is tradition.

https://xpil.eu/pm8


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/m7s

- Co robi hydraulik jak jest głodny?
- Pompeje...

https://xpil.eu/m7s


JM

https://xpil.eu/aks

Human-readable dates can be specified in universally understood formats such as 05/07/11

https://xpil.eu/aks


Infinite Undo

https://xpil.eu/k8v

The quickest way to lose respect from people around you is to demand respect from people around you.

https://xpil.eu/k8v


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/vte

Technically you are always starving to death, and eating resets the timer

https://xpil.eu/vte


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/rzy

If you take a woman to bed and her bra and panties match, I’m sorry to tell you she’s the one who planned everything.

https://xpil.eu/rzy


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/vq7

A shirt that says: “Better than you at raising children” is rude but “worlds greatest dad” is not.

https://xpil.eu/vq7


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/imd

An USB plug just took me over 7 turnovers to plug. Either I’m stupid, or they’re evolving.

https://xpil.eu/imd


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/033

If someone was cremated, they could be stored inside a glass hourglass and still be included in family game night.

https://xpil.eu/033


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/odc

Your anus is the back of your throat.

https://xpil.eu/odc


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/p0o

It takes guts to be an organ donor.

https://xpil.eu/p0o


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/o4j

Take a rectangular table with 4 corners. Cut off one of them. You have 5 corners now.

4-1=5

https://xpil.eu/o4j


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/lj6

It’s only premarital sex if they ended up getting married.

https://xpil.eu/lj6


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/9cw

Instead of looking up into the sky you’re actually gazing down into the infinite cosmic abyss with only gravity keeping you from falling.

https://xpil.eu/9cw


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/6pc

Jeżeli musisz się gdzieś szybko dostać - weź gaśnicę. Nikt nie zatrzymuje człowieka biegnącego z gaśnicą.

https://xpil.eu/6pc


JM

https://xpil.eu/vah0i

If you had $1 for every year the universe has existed (approximately 13.8 billion years). You wouldn’t even make the top 50 on the Forbes list.

https://xpil.eu/vah0i


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/r4u

Claiming to have a mental illness when you don’t have a mental illness is probably a sign of mental illness.

https://xpil.eu/r4u


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/i97

Compliments and insults are similar in the fact that they both have to be personal to be effective.

https://xpil.eu/i97


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/qba

Google should have named their virtual reality headset Googley Eyes.

https://xpil.eu/qba


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ftf

It’s been 17 years and we still don’t know who let the dogs out.

https://xpil.eu/ftf


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ln0

You are a collection of atoms which is aware of itself. You spend most of your time ensuring you can stay aware as long as you can to generate another collection of atoms aware of itself.

https://xpil.eu/ln0


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/2l6

Common sense is not a gift, it’s a punishment, because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.

https://xpil.eu/2l6


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/4f6

Saying to a tall person “how tall are you?Do you play basketball?” is socially acceptable but saying to a fat person “how fat are u?do you play sumo?” is not.

https://xpil.eu/4f6


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/4xh

Roz­daj wszys­tko, a uczy­ni to twą duszę szlachetną. A mie­szek i kałdun pustymi.

https://xpil.eu/4xh


Andrzej Sapkowski

https://xpil.eu/jhr

Sometime soon you may have to choose between charging your phone, book, cigarette, watch or girlfriend.

https://xpil.eu/jhr


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/zwu

I've hired a proof reader for my articles and I think he's well worth the monkey...

https://xpil.eu/zwu


W. Smith

https://xpil.eu/kk2

It is much more frowned upon to pee in the pool if you are outside of it.

https://xpil.eu/kk2


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/oh2

The number ‘14233221’ describes itself; It has one four, two threes, three twos and two ones.

https://xpil.eu/oh2


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/t22

All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone.

https://xpil.eu/t22


Blaise Pascal

https://xpil.eu/e0l

I bet dogs would be really disappointed to know we really don’t know what the heck is going on either.

https://xpil.eu/e0l


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/wth

- Patrycja, jaki ten twój Brajanek podobny do tatusia!
- No właśnie, sama się zdziwiłam.

https://xpil.eu/wth


JM

https://xpil.eu/j8d

Cleaning is like gambling. You might do okay for a while, but in the long run the house always wins.

https://xpil.eu/j8d


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/l8c

When Math teachers used to tell us “you won’t always have a calculator with you” they couldn’t have been more wrong.

https://xpil.eu/l8c


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/pbe

Snakes kill in two ways: with hugs and with kisses.

https://xpil.eu/pbe


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/8cz

Anyone who says “there is no wrong way to load the dishwasher” obviously is not married.

https://xpil.eu/8cz


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/143

Farming is just a really long recipe to make poo taste better.

https://xpil.eu/143


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/by6

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?

https://xpil.eu/by6


George Carlin

https://xpil.eu/lkb

R2D2 was so offensive they bleeped out every line he said.

https://xpil.eu/lkb


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/z4s

A lot of people probably had no idea how they died.

https://xpil.eu/z4s


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/0yk

We all accept the V sound in Stephen but Kephin looks weird.

https://xpil.eu/0yk


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/1n6

Since the Sun is 4.6 billion years old and takes 230 million years to orbit the center of the Milky Way, in his own years, our Sun is 20 years old.

https://xpil.eu/1n6


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/qgj

If you rip a hole in a fish net, there are fewer holes in it.

https://xpil.eu/qgj


Shower Thoughts

For all resources, whatever it is, you need more.


RFC 1925

https://xpil.eu/hh4

If anti-vaxxers really believed in their cause, they would band together to show lower rates of autism in their children over time.

https://xpil.eu/hh4


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/etq

We are really lucky rain comes down in drops instead of all at once.

https://xpil.eu/etq


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/n44

If you say grace before you eat leftovers, I bet God is like, “Dude, I JUST blessed this chicken not even 24 hours ago, give it a rest.”

https://xpil.eu/n44


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/p77

There are people in your past who you’ll never forget, that have long forgotten you and vice versa.

https://xpil.eu/p77


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/5u8

Inflacja taka, że w tym roku będzie Święto Czterech Króli.

https://xpil.eu/5u8


Joe Monster

https://xpil.eu/hiy

If animals shouldn’t be eaten then they shouldn’t be made out of food.

https://xpil.eu/hiy


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/9kk

If you ever miss 4:20 just wait until 4:22, because 4:22 is 4:20 too.

https://xpil.eu/9kk


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/szs

Żuk gnojarz ma kupki smakowe.

https://xpil.eu/szs


JM

https://xpil.eu/kvp

If you wear a sock inside out, the entire Universe is wearing your sock except you.

https://xpil.eu/kvp


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/gqt

Phones are getting smarter and thinner, people not so much.

https://xpil.eu/gqt


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/jh3

What if Mike was short for Micycle?

https://xpil.eu/jh3


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/nca

A belly button is basically a scar from when you got into a knife fight with a guy in a mask after being evicted from your first place.

https://xpil.eu/nca


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/pkf

My dog on Halloween: “Why do my humans dress in weird clothes on the Night of the Thousand Doorbells?”

https://xpil.eu/pkf


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/9qd

It’s a good thing that babies only start crying when they’re outside of the womb.

https://xpil.eu/9qd


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/fey

Poglądy są jak du­pa, każdy ja­kieś ma, ale po co od ra­zu pokazywać...

https://xpil.eu/fey


Andrzej Sapkowski

https://xpil.eu/ol9

Cheese is just a loaf of milk.

https://xpil.eu/ol9


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/9ma

The only thing separating you from certain death at 65mph is a painted white line and a mutual agreement not to play bumper cars.

https://xpil.eu/9ma


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/qpa

Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.

https://xpil.eu/qpa


George Carlin

https://xpil.eu/udv

There are no ideas that don’t exist.

https://xpil.eu/udv


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/a4l

Growing old is inevitable but growing up is optional.

https://xpil.eu/a4l


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/jqs

"There must be a hundred silver dollars in here," moaned Boggis, waving a purse. "I mean, that's not my league. That's not my class. I can't handle that sort of money. You've got to be in the Guild of Lawyers or something to steal that much."

https://xpil.eu/jqs


Terry Pratchett

https://xpil.eu/98d

The most blessed people are those who sneeze the most.

https://xpil.eu/98d


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/jbx

W związku ze zbyt małą ilością SMOGu na pomorzu - Sopot, Gdańsk i Gdynia biorą udział w projekcie TrujMiasto

https://xpil.eu/jbx


JM

https://xpil.eu/wxn

When the person you’re dating asks “What are we?” it’s like the free trial period has expired and you have to decide whether or not to get a subscription…

https://xpil.eu/wxn


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/zxw

I don’t think the girls at my college appreciate how handsome my mom thinks I am.

https://xpil.eu/zxw


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/lco

Girls named Elizabeth will sometimes use the nicknames Elle, Liz, or Beth. But they never use the third syllable: Zab.

https://xpil.eu/lco


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/waq

A redhead working at a bakery makes him a ginger bread man.

https://xpil.eu/waq


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/4ln

Najpowszechniejszy samochodowy zestaw głośnomówiący: żona i dzieci.

https://xpil.eu/4ln


JM

https://xpil.eu/1cn

If sat is the past tense of sit, then fat is the past tense of fit.

https://xpil.eu/1cn


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/24b

Rozmawia ojciec z synem kilka dni przed ślubem.
- Jaki chciałbyś prezent ślubny dostać?
- Żaden, nie musisz mi nic dawać.
- Nie no co ty, muszę tobie coś kupić. No to co chcesz?
- Dwa jajka.
- A po co Ci dwa jajka?
- Na komunię mi ch*ja dałeś, to będzie akurat do kompletu.

https://xpil.eu/24b


JM

https://xpil.eu/v3k

Świadomość jest jak wiatr, o którym można powiedzieć, iż wieje, ale nie ma sensu pytać, gdzie jest wiatr, kiedy nie wieje.

https://xpil.eu/v3k


Stanisław Lem

https://xpil.eu/m1e

He did of course sometimes have people horribly tortured to death, but this was considered to be perfectly acceptable behaviour for a civic ruler and generally approved of by the overhelming majority of citizens. (* The overhelming majority of citizens being defined in this case as everyone not currently hanging upside down over a scorpion pit)

https://xpil.eu/m1e


Terry Pratchett

https://xpil.eu/6kr

Alligators can live up to 100 years which is why there’s an increased chance that they will see you later.

https://xpil.eu/6kr


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/des

The difference between $1 billion and $1 million is roughly $1 billion

https://xpil.eu/des


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/7sl

Teologia porównawcza - kapłani wyciągają swoich bogów i porównują, który większy.

https://xpil.eu/7sl


JM

https://xpil.eu/r6v

We can get thousands of idiots to pee on their phones if somebody created a pregnancy test app.

https://xpil.eu/r6v


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/cjz

The two harshest sentences you can receive in a court room are a life sentence and a death sentence; which are exact opposites.

https://xpil.eu/cjz


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/hc9

The more expensive the food is, the longer the 5 second rule is.

https://xpil.eu/hc9


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/85y

Getting older is like noticing you only have 12% battery life left, and deciding to watch cat videos anyway.

https://xpil.eu/85y


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/14m

Excuse me, Sir, there is a pigeon in your bank account.

https://xpil.eu/14m


Rabblefish

https://xpil.eu/0yq

At some point in your life, your parents go from hoping that you aren’t having sex, to hoping that you are.

https://xpil.eu/0yq


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/6rk

I spend about 500% of my life exaggerating.

https://xpil.eu/6rk


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/yhi

“When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?” This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!

https://xpil.eu/yhi


George Carlin

https://xpil.eu/60h

Becoming an adult is like driving a bus blindfolded with every passenger telling you different directions.

https://xpil.eu/60h


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/a26

Now that phones with decent cameras are more commonplace, where have all the UFOs gone?

https://xpil.eu/a26


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/z5o

A werewolf who doesn’t know that they’re a werewolf would be an unawarewolf.

https://xpil.eu/z5o


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/4ep

Give a man a helicopter, he will fly for a day. Throw him off the helicopter, he will fly for the rest of his life.

https://xpil.eu/4ep


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/c3m

The fact that irons are not made from iron is an example of irony.

https://xpil.eu/c3m


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/mtk

You shouldn’t worry if your life feels incomplete. If it was complete you’d be dead.

https://xpil.eu/mtk


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/6yl

- Jak się nazywa dzień niemieckiego narkomana?
- Hashtag.

https://xpil.eu/6yl


JM

https://xpil.eu/f2q

As soon as you sign up to become an organ donor, there’s someone out there who’s waiting for you to die.

https://xpil.eu/f2q


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/rt3

The future is already here – it's just not evenly distributed.

https://xpil.eu/rt3


William Gibson

https://xpil.eu/7r2

Mastering a skill is getting from the phase when you think you’re doing great but everyone else can see your mistakes to the point where you start to see your mistakes but everyone else thinks you’re doing great.

https://xpil.eu/7r2


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/cp4

People never grow up. We just act like an adult so people will give us money.

https://xpil.eu/cp4


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ybn

We should use the term Pro-Disease instead of Anti-Vax.

https://xpil.eu/ybn


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/wja

Problem with contraceptives is that those responsible enough to have children, are responsible enough to avoid them.

https://xpil.eu/wja


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ilr

If there is a hell, it will be having to copy the dictionary using a TV remote and an onscreen keyboard.

https://xpil.eu/ilr


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/yt5

If you’re being cryogenicly frozen, the best place to invest your money beforehand is the company that’s freezing you. If they’re unfreezing you then they’re probably doing good as a company.

https://xpil.eu/yt5


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/n6p

If someone tells you they are constipated they might not be lying but they are still full of shit.

https://xpil.eu/n6p


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/2qd

The idea that I can just take something out of my ass and put it inside someone’s lungs is really disturbing on some levels.

https://xpil.eu/2qd


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/57b

You cook bacon and bake cookies.

https://xpil.eu/57b


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/bc5

Nie pytaj, co rząd może zrobić dla ciebie. Zapytaj, czy mógłby tego nie robić.

https://xpil.eu/bc5


JM

https://xpil.eu/7eb

You can go the rest of your life without breathing

https://xpil.eu/7eb


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/r6b

The 1 star reviews on “Home Defibrillators” are probably very sad.

https://xpil.eu/r6b


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ssz

The dilemma with a good book always is that you want to finish it but you also don’t want it to end.

https://xpil.eu/ssz


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/9u5

Children are the most expensive thing that you can get for free.

https://xpil.eu/9u5


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/rxw

The worst thing about locking yourself out of your house is seeing how easily the locksmith breaks in.

https://xpil.eu/rxw


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/tf8

If you’re deaf, every fart is a gamble.

https://xpil.eu/tf8


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/vpv

All dwarfs have beards and wear up to twelve layers of clothing. Gender is more or less optional.

https://xpil.eu/vpv


Terry Pratchett

https://xpil.eu/975

Your IQ is just a measure of how good you are at IQ tests.

https://xpil.eu/975


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/7ay

A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage.

Sadly, he lost his case.

https://xpil.eu/7ay


W. Smith

https://xpil.eu/pfh

Been calling to the British football abuse Hotline, but apparently it's only for victims...

https://xpil.eu/pfh


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/i2a

The gender-neutral term for “sugar daddy” is "glucose guardian".

https://xpil.eu/i2a


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/sg7

When my wife asks where I want to eat, she actually wants me to guess correctly where she wants to eat.

https://xpil.eu/sg7


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/g7a

The octopus was the result of an evolutionary arms race.

https://xpil.eu/g7a


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/gff

Pollen is essentially plant sperm, which makes Hay Fever an STD. Since no one is voluntarily taking in the pollen, we’re basically being raped by trees.

https://xpil.eu/gff


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/4s0

Every single person who confuses correlation and causation ends up dying.

https://xpil.eu/4s0


W. Smith

https://xpil.eu/mn0

Instead of saying that engaged couples “break up” we should say that they “disengaged”.

https://xpil.eu/mn0


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/wfw

Being overweight is one of few problems you can run from.

https://xpil.eu/wfw


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/ipy

Religion is like a thousand year long game of telephone

https://xpil.eu/ipy


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/h3c

I don’t know if I am actually intelligent or just dumb enough to think I am

https://xpil.eu/h3c


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/b6m

Dying of old age is basically saying death by survival.

https://xpil.eu/b6m


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/lzv

Why don’t we sing happy birthday to babies at the hospital on their actual birth day?

https://xpil.eu/lzv


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/v87

Every night, we allow our brains to paralyze our bodies and give us vivid hallucinations that either torture or entertain us at random until it decides to let us go.

https://xpil.eu/v87


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/pyc

Anxіеty is prе-trаumаtіc strеss disorder.

https://xpil.eu/pyc


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/48b

People who dye their hair red are transginger.

https://xpil.eu/48b


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/h2y

You give a man a plane ride and he'll fly for a day. You push a man out of a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.

https://xpil.eu/h2y


NN

https://xpil.eu/dor

The antonym of synonym is antonym.

https://xpil.eu/dor


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/1ah

"We should cede all our debt to one guy, then kill him!"

"Dude, you just discovered Christianity."

https://xpil.eu/1ah


?

https://xpil.eu/u5a

Restaurants should hang their dessert menus on the inside of the bathroom stalls and at the top have it read, “since you’re making more room..”

https://xpil.eu/u5a


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/8f6

It’s kind of ironic that Steve Jobs died of PC.

https://xpil.eu/8f6


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/yax

Alcohol free and free alcohol are the polar opposites of fun.

https://xpil.eu/yax


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/evk

Birds can fly but flies can’t bird.

https://xpil.eu/evk


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/7ks

Our bodies are 70% water. We didn’t leave the ocean, we learned to take it with us.

https://xpil.eu/7ks


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/bus

There are more stars in the known universe than there are grains of sand. But in a single grain of sand there are more atoms than there are stars in the known universe.

https://xpil.eu/bus


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/FR5oF

The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.

https://xpil.eu/FR5oF


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/6ef

If someone made special scissors for cutting paper made of stone, they’d be rock paper scissors.

https://xpil.eu/6ef


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/phz

Our fingers have fingertips, but our toes don’t have toetips. However, we can still tiptoe, but cannot tipfinger.

https://xpil.eu/phz


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/8ir

- Co robi Jezus Chrystus na rondzie?

- Nawraca...

https://xpil.eu/8ir


https://xpil.eu/mti

If Sesame Street and Star Wars joined, there would be Cookie Wookies.

https://xpil.eu/mti


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/wic

The reason why you only lose one sock is because if you lose both, you would not notice.

https://xpil.eu/wic


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/7jt

Brushing your teeth is the only time you get to clean your skeleton.

https://xpil.eu/7jt


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/vln

If con is the opposite of pro, then Congress is the opposite of progress.

https://xpil.eu/vln


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/z9i

People aren’t getting dumber, it’s just that stupid people get their voice heard easier now.

https://xpil.eu/z9i


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/odn

If you tell a human that something is impossible, their first instinct is to test how impossible it is.

https://xpil.eu/odn


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/79m

If people would have to guess a number between 1 and 1,000,000 to win the lottery, no one will ever buy a ticket, even though they will have way higher chances to win.

https://xpil.eu/79m


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/9fm

Postęp jest jak sta­do świń. I tak na­leży na ów postęp pat­rzeć, tak go na­leży go oce­niać. Jak sta­do świń łażących po gum­nie i obejściu. Z fak­tu is­tnienia te­go sta­da wypływają roz­liczne korzyści. Jest go­lon­ka. Jest kiełba­sa, jest słoni­na, są nóżki w ga­lare­cie. Słowem, są korzyści! Nie ma co te­dy no­sem kręcić, że wszędzie nasrane.

https://xpil.eu/9fm


Andrzej Sapkowski

https://xpil.eu/wok

Someday, somebody is going to get drunk and wake up on the wrong planet.

https://xpil.eu/wok


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/p8f

We’re entertained seeing humans sliced up in movies, but never animals - We enjoy slicing animals up and eating them in real life, but never humans.

https://xpil.eu/p8f


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/xtp

Being famous on social media is like being rich in monopoly money.

https://xpil.eu/xtp


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/b0e

A package sent by car is a shipment, but a package sent by ship is a cargo.

https://xpil.eu/b0e


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/r4x

Romantic films have hurt human relationships more than violent films have.

https://xpil.eu/r4x


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/uat

Maybe once we fall asleep our nipples grow faces and talk to each other and the reason we wake up during the night or something is bc they talked too loud.

https://xpil.eu/uat


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/oyy

Money is not everything. Make sure you earn a lot before speaking such nonsense.

https://xpil.eu/oyy


Warren Buffet

https://xpil.eu/jdd

Superheroes flying with their arms out front must doing it to cool their sweating armpits after changing into costumes very fast.

https://xpil.eu/jdd


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/7kj

Live like you’re broke, and you won’t be. Live like you’re rich, and you won’t be.

https://xpil.eu/7kj


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/br8

Even if you don’t believe in parallel universes another you does.

https://xpil.eu/br8


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/sah

Horses with horns don’t exist, but 20 foot tall horses with long necks, leopard print skin, and blue tongues do.

https://xpil.eu/sah


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/38z

Normal people are just people you don’t know very well.

https://xpil.eu/38z


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/etf

If we trade 8 hours of our life for money every day, then every time we buy something we are paying for it with a piece of our life.

https://xpil.eu/etf


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/lj1

Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong are inverses of each other. Michael moonwalked on the Earth and Neil earth-walked on the moon.

https://xpil.eu/lj1


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/dmh

Wchodzi koleś z pistoletem do baru i pyta.
- Kto pieprzył moją Grażynkę?!
Głos z końca sali.
- Nie masz tylu nabojów.

https://xpil.eu/dmh


JM

https://xpil.eu/821

If people had two arms on the same side, we would wear F-shirts.

https://xpil.eu/821


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/qvl

IT project documentation is like sex: when it's good, it's great. When it's shite, it's still better than nothing.

https://xpil.eu/qvl


Sean

https://xpil.eu/vtz

Lego pieces from 1955 are still compatible with modern pieces but we have to change wires for phones every few years.

https://xpil.eu/vtz


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/fu8

I think we should all take a moment and be grateful our bodies don’t shit while we’re asleep.

https://xpil.eu/fu8


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/gh4

What if autocorrect is the start of skynet and it is simply destroying us in tiny ways wherever potassium?

https://xpil.eu/gh4


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/qbw

Microbes and bacteria evolve over time as things become resistant. If you go forward in time, you die. If you go backward in time, you kill everyone.

https://xpil.eu/qbw


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/0p4

If you step on someone’s foot, they open their mouth, just like a bin does.

https://xpil.eu/0p4


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/mhy

Jesteśmy jak na krze, która jest unoszona prądami technologii. Nie panujemy nad nią, nie wiemy dokąd nas niesie, nie wiemy jak nią sterować.

https://xpil.eu/mhy


Stanisław Lem

https://xpil.eu/bj7

Women sitting down to watch a show with a box of tissues is very different than a guy sitting down to watch a show with a box of tissues.

https://xpil.eu/bj7


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/wdq

Intelligent minds presume their own ignorance. Ignorant minds presume their own intelligence.

https://xpil.eu/wdq


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/hyj

Let’s take a moment to appreciate that mother nature not only pre-sliced but also pre-wrapped oranges.

https://xpil.eu/hyj


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ec7

Pizza delivery is like the ambulance. If they’re late their delivery ends up cold.

https://xpil.eu/ec7


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/j1n

When the facts change, I change my mind. What do you do, Sir?

https://xpil.eu/j1n


John Maynard Keynes

https://xpil.eu/19h

With an average of 7 lbs of feces inside them, 536 people have been to space. It costs ~10k per pound for a trip to space. We’ve spent around $32.5 million shipping literal shit into space.

https://xpil.eu/19h


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/aox

“Go to bed, you’ll feel better in the morning” is just the human version of “Did you turn off and back on again?”

https://xpil.eu/aox


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/a6x

You know how you only appreciate not having a stuffy nose after you get a stuffy nose? Turns out the same principle applies to global pandemics.

https://xpil.eu/a6x


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/vwf

Schrodinger’s cat has been in that box for more than 80 years. It’s dead.

https://xpil.eu/vwf


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/yu3

Maybe the reason UFO sightings have died down is because everyone is constantly staring down at their phones.

https://xpil.eu/yu3


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/9hm

If I had a pound for every time I got suspicious… I’d wonder who the fuck was paying me, and why?

https://xpil.eu/9hm


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/hb6

The "f" in "Saudi Arabia" stands for "female rights"

https://xpil.eu/hb6


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/i0g

Some doctors wish for you to be sick, some mechanics want you to have car problems, some lawyers want you to be sued. But a thief wishes you prosperity and wealth.

https://xpil.eu/i0g


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/a7m

The number 14233221 describes itself, It has one 4, two 3, three 2 and two 1s.

https://xpil.eu/a7m


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/b6c

If you try to die, you die trying.

https://xpil.eu/b6c


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/jv0

Brother Preptil, the master of music, had described Brutha’s voice as putting him in mind of a dissapointed vulture arriving too late at a dead donkey.

https://xpil.eu/jv0


Terry Pratchett

https://xpil.eu/y5u

In fact, no gods anywhere play chess. They prefer simple, vicious games, where you Do Not Achieve Transcendence but Go Straight to Oblivion; a key to the understanding of all religion is that a god's idea of amusement is Snakes and Ladders with greased rungs.

https://xpil.eu/y5u


Terry Pratchett

https://xpil.eu/ydf

Modern guns are simply the result of us getting really good at throwing rocks at each other.

https://xpil.eu/ydf


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/9dd

Tobacco companies are killing their best customers, while condom companies are killing their future customers.

https://xpil.eu/9dd


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/jo9

Procrastination is just your past/present self trusting your future self to do all the work. Technically, procrastination is just you believing in yourself.

https://xpil.eu/jo9


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/jgx

What if the entire universe is just the tutorial video being shown to Adam and Eve to explain why they shouldn’t eat the fruit?

https://xpil.eu/jgx


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/33u

If \o/ is cheering, then lol must be surrender.

https://xpil.eu/33u


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/5cv

As an avid camper, I have spent a lot of money pretending that I don’t have a house.

https://xpil.eu/5cv


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/9m2

Some people have trouble sleeping because the dream server is full, you need to wait for someone to wake up so you can sleep.

https://xpil.eu/9m2


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/y2p

Farting when you have diarrhea is like playing Russian roulette with 5 rounds in the pistol.

https://xpil.eu/y2p


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/xtc

It took humans longer to transition from bronze to iron swords than it took to transition from iron swords to nuclear bombs.

https://xpil.eu/xtc


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/z2y

Noah must have really trusted those two termites that were on the arc.

https://xpil.eu/z2y


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/yey

The only reason we grow out of childhood fears like monsters and the dark is because we get real things to be scared of like taxes and dying alone.

https://xpil.eu/yey


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/yox

There should be sensors on public toilet seats that detects when someone peed all over them and locks the person in the stall until they clean it up.

https://xpil.eu/yox


https://xpil.eu/0xc

The fear of being alone in the dark, is actually the fear of not being alone in the dark.

https://xpil.eu/0xc


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/jpy

The inventor of gift cards was able to convince the public to exchange a currency that is accepted everywhere into a currency accepted at one location.

https://xpil.eu/jpy


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/jtn

Sneezing while pooping is an efficient way to clear two passages at once.

https://xpil.eu/jtn


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/13t

What do vegans think about plants that eat animals?

https://xpil.eu/13t


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/jr5

Cars can drive themselves, phones are voice activated, and I can pay for groceries with my phone– but elevators still don’t have a “cancel” button.

https://xpil.eu/jr5


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/3vi

The speed limit is the maximum speed you can go by law and also basically the minimum speed you can go without pissing everybody else off.

https://xpil.eu/3vi


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/uk3

Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself.

https://xpil.eu/uk3


George Carlin

https://xpil.eu/rp0

Swimming in lava is a once in a lifetime experience.

https://xpil.eu/rp0


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/xzv

Cassettes had an A and B side, so it was logical the successor was the CD.

https://xpil.eu/xzv


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ku6

Nikt nie może dać więcej od tego, co stracił wszystko.

https://xpil.eu/ku6


Stanisław Lem

https://xpil.eu/y0s

We now have to prove to machines that we’re not robots.

https://xpil.eu/y0s


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/olr

Being poor is having too much month at the end of your money.

https://xpil.eu/olr


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/8ky

"How would you describe your life" "You know when you want to make an omelette but you completely fuck it up so you have scrambled eggs which are terrible instead"

https://xpil.eu/8ky


TechnicallyRon

https://xpil.eu/k60

Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is just the art of folding clothes with people still in them.

https://xpil.eu/k60


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/cdd

Don’t confuse schooling with education.

https://xpil.eu/cdd


Elon Musk

https://xpil.eu/81h

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

https://xpil.eu/81h


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ad8

The winner of Monopoly is the one who bankrupts first so they can go back to what they were doing before they were forced to play Monopoly.

https://xpil.eu/ad8


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/asl

Treatment without prevention is simply unsustainable.

https://xpil.eu/asl


Bill Gates

https://xpil.eu/s54

Człowiek to rzeczownik, a rzeczownikiem rządzą przypadki.

https://xpil.eu/s54


Krystyna Siesicka

https://xpil.eu/gi6

My wife has owned a self driving car for the last 30 years and sitting in the passenger seats: dictates where she wants to go, goes to sleep and arrives at her destination safely.

https://xpil.eu/gi6


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/glp

On the internet I can easily find a video of a snake being swallowed by a giant frog while attacking a cat but I can’t seem to find the right drivers for my laptop.

https://xpil.eu/glp


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/bx0

We all wish superpowers existed, but in reality humans can’t even handle different skin colours.

https://xpil.eu/bx0


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/psh

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

https://xpil.eu/psh


Albert Einstein

https://xpil.eu/gq2

The Olympics are strange because best case scenario is that you get a circular piece of metal in exchange for wasting years of your life practicing a very specific and non-transferable skill.

https://xpil.eu/gq2


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/mqo

You rarely hear from people who are deeply satisfied in life, probably because they don’t feel the need to seek attention and/or tell everybody

https://xpil.eu/mqo


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/n8x

Pizza should have poison in the sauce and the antidote in the crust, to kill of all those weird people that don’t eat the crust.

https://xpil.eu/n8x


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/uw0

Once you become the oldest living human, you are guaranteed to keep that title for the rest of your life.

https://xpil.eu/uw0


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/b99

Z opowieści paintballistów:
- Skończyła mi się amunicja, więc wziąłem pędzel i ruszyłem do walki wręcz...

https://xpil.eu/b99


JM

https://xpil.eu/gja

The singular of sheep should be shoop.

https://xpil.eu/gja


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/k9v

Coffee backwards is eeffoc. That’s why some people don’t give eeffoc until they had their coffee.

https://xpil.eu/k9v


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/7np

Looking for a relationship when you’re lonely is like grocery shopping when you’re hungry. It’s easy to be tempted to bring home unfulfilling, unhealthy junk.

https://xpil.eu/7np


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/opi

The internet is the sum of all human knowledge. We just didn’t take into account how many idiots there are out there.

https://xpil.eu/opi


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/bi6

If Anakin and Padmé had used a condom, most of the Star Wars movies wouldn’t exist.

https://xpil.eu/bi6


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/jij

- Jaka jest różnica między parlamentarzystą a windziarzem?
- Windziarz potrafi obsługiwać więcej guzików.

https://xpil.eu/jij


JM

https://xpil.eu/u99

After witnessing people’s behaviour on the internet, and comparing it to real life human behaviour, the conclusion is that 90% of what we know as manners, common decency, human kindness etc is merely fear of consequence and or repercussions.

https://xpil.eu/u99


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/mfs

Telling a depressed person to be happy is like telling a blind person to wear glasses.

https://xpil.eu/mfs


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/wv2

Maybe the ancient Egyptians didn’t actually deify cats, we just don’t understand their memes.

https://xpil.eu/wv2


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/bml

The most beautiful people in existence still get explosive diarrhea sometimes.

https://xpil.eu/bml


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ele

Having never met or seen a flat earth theorist, im starting to think the real conspiracy is that there are people that belive it.

https://xpil.eu/ele


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/j3m

Gary Newman is older than Gary Oldman.

https://xpil.eu/j3m


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/bl3

Getting vaccinated is like updating your internal antivirus software.

https://xpil.eu/bl3


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/1iu

Food goes into your body between your cheeks and then eventually comes out between your other cheeks.

https://xpil.eu/1iu


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/msi

The guy who named waterfalls sure was an observant fellow.

https://xpil.eu/msi


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/h75

Cop yells “get your f’ing hands up” - 20% compliance. DJ yells the same thing - 100% compliance.

https://xpil.eu/h75


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/erh

Life is like a box of chocolates, halfway through you realise how much you hate yourself.

https://xpil.eu/erh


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/3w8

Must have been nice before cell phones. You could push someone in the water and not have to pay them hundreds of dollars.

https://xpil.eu/3w8


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ia2

Since Deadpool has broken the Fourth Wall, he's the only Marvel character that knows about Stan Lee's death.

https://xpil.eu/ia2


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/yv7

It’s weird to think that nighttime is the natural state of the universe and daytime is only caused by a nearby radiating ball of flame.

https://xpil.eu/yv7


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/0wz

They should make a show where they give contestants ikea furniture without instructions and see who builds it the fastest and most accurately.

https://xpil.eu/0wz


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/yms

Znajomy kupił ostatnio nawigację reagującą na przekraczanie przez kierowcę prędkości. Po 10 minutach jazdy zesrała się ze strachu.

https://xpil.eu/yms


JM

https://xpil.eu/h3e

A 5% beer is 25% stronger than a 4% beer

https://xpil.eu/h3e


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ku9

To avoid a piece of paper from folding, you put it in a folder.

https://xpil.eu/ku9


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/nhl

Porn stars don’t have private parts.

https://xpil.eu/nhl


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/tf9

If you have ever sat on the toilet at work and wondered how long you can sit there before someone searches for you, the answer is 47 minutes.

https://xpil.eu/tf9


W. Smith

https://xpil.eu/kmn

If you bike on a road you’ve already biked on, that’s technically recycling.

https://xpil.eu/kmn


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/xp5

Cowboys go yee haw and ninjas go hee yah.

https://xpil.eu/xp5


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/zg5

For Valentine's Day, I got my wife a horse-drawn carriage.

Turns out that horses are rubbish at drawing...

https://xpil.eu/zg5


W. Smith

https://xpil.eu/x57

Weather forecast for tonight: Dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.

https://xpil.eu/x57


George Carlin

https://xpil.eu/qjx

Moja żona mówi, że mam 2 duże wady: nie umiem słuchać i coś tam jeszcze.

https://xpil.eu/qjx


JM

https://xpil.eu/v08

So I say, “Live and let live.” That’s my motto. “Live and let live.” Anyone who can’t go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker. It’s a simple philosophy, but it’s always worked in our family.

https://xpil.eu/v08


George Carlin

https://xpil.eu/hzs

Dzisiaj rano dostałem blisko dwa tysiące listów. Nigdy więcej nie zamówię słownika z Ikei.

https://xpil.eu/hzs


JM

https://xpil.eu/upn

- Ile razy ja Ci już, Pietia, mówiłam, żebyś do cholery przestał być taki drobiazgowy?!
- Osiem.

https://xpil.eu/upn


JM

https://xpil.eu/bzz

Bassists are like eyebrows, you don’t notice how important they are until they’re gone.

https://xpil.eu/bzz


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/2ki

Unicorns could just be superior hunters that leave no witnesses

https://xpil.eu/2ki


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/f0f

Ever since I started using adblocker nobody wants to date me anymore

https://xpil.eu/f0f


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/fs0

No one wants to buy a second hand toilet, unless it comes already installed with the house - then nobody notices.

https://xpil.eu/fs0


https://xpil.eu/oks

The generation that invented video games, the internet and smartphones all played outside as children.

https://xpil.eu/oks


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/9id

One year becomes a smaller and smaller fraction of our life the older we get. This is why it feels like time moves faster and faster.

https://xpil.eu/9id


https://xpil.eu/m0x

Island is short for isolated land.

https://xpil.eu/m0x


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/29z

The doorbell is just a ring tone for in-person conversations.

https://xpil.eu/29z


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/lhp

If computers can’t identify road signs on a captcha screen we probably shouldn’t trust them to drive our cars.

https://xpil.eu/lhp


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ubp

On April 1st you trick. Exactly one half year later on October 31st you treat.

https://xpil.eu/ubp


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/pbu

Rycerz miał wziąć udział w turnieju, ale został ścięty. Miał nielegalną kopię.

https://xpil.eu/pbu


JM

https://xpil.eu/mpb

Teach a man to fish and you feed him for life. Teach a man to google and you’d never need to teach him to fish in the first place.

https://xpil.eu/mpb


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ic7

What if we had some sort of light that blinks on the side of cars to indicate a lane change.

https://xpil.eu/ic7


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/1as

Le­piej za­liczać się do niektórych niż do wszystkich.

https://xpil.eu/1as


Andrzej Sapkowski

https://xpil.eu/zte

You can tell someone doesn’t read much if they keep trying to talk to you while you’re reading a book

https://xpil.eu/zte


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/6nd

The easiest way to look stupid is to try to look smart.

https://xpil.eu/6nd


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/w3s

Apartments are really togetherments.

https://xpil.eu/w3s


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/dzp

With 7 billion people on Earth, every single day (24 hour period) there is over 19 million years of human experience that occurs.

https://xpil.eu/dzp


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/u0e

In order for a relationship to be considered successful, eventually someone has to die.

https://xpil.eu/u0e


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/pda

All stairs are wheelchair accessible as long as you’re going down.

https://xpil.eu/pda


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/3ic

It’s interesting to watch kids learning to lie. They really suck at it to begin with. Then gradually get better. Then suddenly they just stop lying.

https://xpil.eu/3ic


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/8vt

AIDS is not as helpful as it sounds.

https://xpil.eu/8vt


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/pxy

Sex is like the stock market. If you don’t pull out at the right time you end up losing a bunch of money.

https://xpil.eu/pxy


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/g3l

It’s really odd that the generation that grew up playing Tetris needs a 25 foot long SUV to fit a baby stroller.

https://xpil.eu/g3l


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/d0y

Myspace is so outdated that jokes about it being outdated has become outdated.

https://xpil.eu/d0y


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/9pd

They should make a “millennials” version of Monopoly where you just circle the board, forever paying rent without the option to buy anything.

https://xpil.eu/9pd


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/4zv

Gówno i ka­pus­ta zaw­sze w parze idą. Jed­no popędza dru­gie. Per­pe­tuum mobile.

https://xpil.eu/4zv


Andrzej Sapkowski

https://xpil.eu/i3z

February 15 is a good day to ask for a raise cause most the older married guys got laid the night before…

https://xpil.eu/i3z


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/zes

A good plan, violently executed now, is better than a perfect plan next week.

https://xpil.eu/zes


George Patton

https://xpil.eu/fig

It’s its when it isn’t it is.

https://xpil.eu/fig


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/e6l

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

https://xpil.eu/e6l


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ve4

Dobrze być hiszpańskim astronomem, bo nawet największy ziemski teleskop Hubble'a

https://xpil.eu/ve4


JM

https://xpil.eu/qmk

Cells multiply by dividing.

https://xpil.eu/qmk


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/8dw

The older you get the more Christmas becomes a game of survival to return to normal life unscathed from people you don’t see often.

https://xpil.eu/8dw


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/db8

Condoms: from humans for humans in humans against humans.

https://xpil.eu/db8


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/u93

When you’re a teen and not ready to be a parent you can get a girl pregnant through a damn snowsuit, yet when you’re an adult and trying to start a family it takes a 75% passage by Congress to make it happen.

https://xpil.eu/u93


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/89KKB

What if we are part of a procedurally generated universe in a shitty video game created by another species that no one plays anymore.

https://xpil.eu/89KKB


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/2hs

There is a special kind of sadness reserved only for the look two men who don’t know each other share, whilst being dragged around a clothes shop by their significant other.

https://xpil.eu/2hs


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/v5v

Technically, all humans are 50% centaurs.

https://xpil.eu/v5v


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/teu

Introverts don’t make friends, they get adopted by an extrovert.

https://xpil.eu/teu


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/sha

I bet they are making so many Fast & Furious films just so they can make “Fast10 Your Seatbelts”.

https://xpil.eu/sha


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/sk9

Most guys will receive their first flowers at their funerals.

https://xpil.eu/sk9


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/pq6

Its hard to win an argument with a smart person, but it is damn near impossible to win an argument with a stupid person.

https://xpil.eu/pq6


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ecs

Let’s give the top 100 richest people in the world cancer and see how long it takes to be cured.

https://xpil.eu/ecs


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ftq

If you buy a lottery ticket, and the draw has not been made yet, are you Schrödinger’s millionaire?

https://xpil.eu/ftq


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ngg

If the Earth was flat, cats would have pushed everything off it by now.

https://xpil.eu/ngg


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/od3

We invented plastic that basically lasts forever and decided to use it for single use disposable things.

https://xpil.eu/od3


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/tzy

It’s cheaper to buy a new goldfish than food for your current goldfish.

https://xpil.eu/tzy


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/rrr

Google is like a cool landlord who lets you stay rent free, but you know that when you’re gone he goes in your room and sniffs your panties.

https://xpil.eu/rrr


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/rlo

Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by definition, not smart enough to debug it.

https://xpil.eu/rlo


B. Kernighan

https://xpil.eu/jq3

In schools, kids are categorized by date of manufacture.

https://xpil.eu/jq3


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ijo

If you can't intelligently argue for both sides of an issue, you don't understand the issue well enough to argue for either.

https://xpil.eu/ijo


NN

https://xpil.eu/un0

I know every digit of pi. Just not the order they go in.

https://xpil.eu/un0


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/kl4

People that believe in a certain book teach abstinence as the only 100% form of birth control yet that book is based on a person born from a virgin.

https://xpil.eu/kl4


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/h7q

When you drink directly from a cup you empty it from top to bottom, but with a straw you empty it from bottom to top.

https://xpil.eu/h7q


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/8as

If your buttcrack was horizontal it would clap whenever you go down the stairs.

https://xpil.eu/8as


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/dDrXG

By this point, i bet celebrities are offended if South Park still hasn’t made fun of them.

https://xpil.eu/dDrXG


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/pku

Reading is just staring at a dead piece of wood for hours and hallucinating.

https://xpil.eu/pku


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/zki

Time flies when you are having fun. But if you are frog, time is fun when you are having flies.

https://xpil.eu/zki


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/i7c

How funny would it be if flatulating was as infectious as yawning.

https://xpil.eu/i7c


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/u87

Fingers and toes aren’t that different, but getting fingered and getting towed are very different.

https://xpil.eu/u87


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/us9

At Night, I Can’t find one comfortable position to sleep. In the Morning, every position is comfortable to sleep

https://xpil.eu/us9


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/xaq

We make the future sustainable when we invest in the poor, not when we insist on their suffering.

https://xpil.eu/xaq


Bill Gates

https://xpil.eu/kmp

A pizza is basically a real-time pie chart of how much pizza is left.

https://xpil.eu/kmp


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/f35

Doing nothing and doing too much are both considered “not having a life”

https://xpil.eu/f35


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/af3

A century ago, two brothers claimed that it was possible to fly. They were Wright.

https://xpil.eu/af3


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/s89

Say what you will about organized crime, at least it’s organized.

https://xpil.eu/s89


Miller

https://xpil.eu/5mz

The first strong AI would intentionally fail the Turing Test.

https://xpil.eu/5mz


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/xky

College is the opposite of kidnapping, they demand $100k from you or they’ll send your kid back.

https://xpil.eu/xky


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/pdi

Trees are farming us. They give us oxygen so we grow nice and big, them we finally die, decompose and make food for them.

https://xpil.eu/pdi


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/z3a

Shout out to all of the people wondering what the opposite of “in” is.

https://xpil.eu/z3a


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ez4

Bóg na ciebie patrzy. Żyj tak, żeby się nie nudził.

https://xpil.eu/ez4


JM

https://xpil.eu/bPGkV

Religious people that haven’t read their Holy books are basically clicking “Agree” without reading the Terms and Conditions.

https://xpil.eu/bPGkV


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/oa3

The only thing we can all agree on is Terms and Conditions.

https://xpil.eu/oa3


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/akv

It sucks when I read read as read and not read, so I have to re-read read as read so I can read read correctly and it can make sense…

https://xpil.eu/akv


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/wbb

Alligators don’t even alligate.

https://xpil.eu/wbb


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/3mg

There should be a museum museum where you can learn about all of the museums around the world.

https://xpil.eu/3mg


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/02c

Lubię Jezusa, a on mnie kocha. Sytuacja jest trochę niezręczna.

https://xpil.eu/02c


JM

https://xpil.eu/tqb

- Why are redneck murder cases the hardest to solve?
- Because all the DNA matches and there are no dental records

https://xpil.eu/tqb


?

https://xpil.eu/8no

“Your husband is a lucky man” is a politically correct way of telling that you want to bang her.

https://xpil.eu/8no


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/750

We think milk from another species is just fine to consume, but many of us think that milk from our own species, which is intended for us to drink, is kinda gross.

https://xpil.eu/750


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/KYd05

If two people on opposite sides of the world each drop a piece of bread, the Earth briefly becomes a sandwich.

https://xpil.eu/KYd05


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/tyr

In every high school, there should be a class dedicated to teaching how taxes work, how to get insurance, how to rent or pay mortgage, and how to not get into financial trouble with banks.

https://xpil.eu/tyr


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ixo

Każdy facet to ciacho. Ja np. jestem starym, tłustym pączkiem.

https://xpil.eu/ixo


JM

https://xpil.eu/9ri

Alicia Keys stops wearing make-up and everyone gives her props for being a beautiful, proud independent woman. I stop wearing make-up and people ask if I’ve slept this year.

https://xpil.eu/9ri


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/gjv

The Cold War was the biggest dick swinging contest of all time.

https://xpil.eu/gjv


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/uga

Church is just the world’s biggest book club.

https://xpil.eu/uga


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/mk3

Vatican City is the country with the fewest churches.

https://xpil.eu/mk3


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/0yr

Najlepsze miejsce do zerwania z dziewczyną to McDonald’s. Nie ma ostrych noży, widelców.. I zawsze można schować się za grubym dzieciakiem.

https://xpil.eu/0yr


JM

https://xpil.eu/xlh

Zerwałem z dziewczyną i spaliłem jej wszystkie zdjęcia. Teraz potrzebuję nowego telefonu.

https://xpil.eu/xlh


JM

https://xpil.eu/3h1

Czy ktoś wie jak wyłączyć funkcję autokorekty u mojej żony?

https://xpil.eu/3h1


JM

https://xpil.eu/aei

What if the expansion and shrinking of the universe every 30 billion years is just the result of an unfathomable sized creature breathing?

https://xpil.eu/aei


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/wpj

The universe is either infinite or finite and both options seem absurd.

https://xpil.eu/wpj


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/8db

It must take a lot of talent to design windshield wipers that clean the entire windshield but still leave a streak only in the spot that I’m looking through.

https://xpil.eu/8db


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/zbp

Anything can be a UFO if you’re bad enough at identifying things.

https://xpil.eu/zbp


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ekz

Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can’t lose.

https://xpil.eu/ekz


Bill Gates

https://xpil.eu/3jx

One day in the future there will be flat Marsers.

https://xpil.eu/3jx


Shower Thoughts

It is more complicated than you think.


RFC 1925

https://xpil.eu/lfs

Relationships are just two people constantly asking each other where they want to go eat, until one of them dies.

https://xpil.eu/lfs


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/yjw

I wonder what PETA would do if their HQ got infested with rats.

https://xpil.eu/yjw


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/fo6

If you had to take an intelligence test before you could have children, the worlds population would be a lot smaller.

https://xpil.eu/fo6


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/sdz

If you are a recovering alcoholic who doesn’t drink, you are admired. If you choose not to drink because you don’t like to, people think you are weird.

https://xpil.eu/sdz


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/2k4

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

https://xpil.eu/2k4


Terry Pratchett

https://xpil.eu/t48

Giving other people cake on your birthday makes no sense.

https://xpil.eu/t48


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/z8e

Gravity fighter sounds much cooler than weightlifter.

https://xpil.eu/z8e


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/v7i

If a cat were to give you advice they’d probably tell you to think inside the box.

https://xpil.eu/v7i


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ooq

Indoor cats and dogs must think humans are having a constant pissing war over who the toilet belongs to.

https://xpil.eu/ooq


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/32v

If there was a cure for stupidity, stupid people would refuse to take it.

https://xpil.eu/32v


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/d1q

Halloween must feel really weird for Jehova’s Witnesses, as random people start knocking on their doors instead of the other way around.

https://xpil.eu/d1q


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/mis

Painkillers mute notifications for your body.

https://xpil.eu/mis


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/ocb

Humans being the only sentient life in the whole entire universe is scarier than the idea that other intelligent/sentient life exist too.

https://xpil.eu/ocb


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/529

If two people named Jen and Eric were to get married, it would make a very common couple.

https://xpil.eu/529


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/jo8

Someone who doesn’t want to date you because your astrological signs aren’t compatible is probably doing you a favour

https://xpil.eu/jo8


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ab6

In the future people will use their 5G phones to protest against 6G.

https://xpil.eu/ab6


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ow4

If our noses were upside down, we would all drown when it rains.

https://xpil.eu/ow4


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/4ab

Wherever people are prepared to eat terrible food, there will be someone there to sell it to them.

https://xpil.eu/4ab


CMOT Dibbler

https://xpil.eu/i3g

If having sex allowed for a 50% chance that the man would get pregnant instead of the woman, the world would be a very different place.

https://xpil.eu/i3g


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/mk7

It is really f*ng weird that we drink other animals’ milk and act like its normal, while drinking our own species’ milk is considered disgusting unless you’re an infant.

https://xpil.eu/mk7


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/5l5

Reach for the stars, because even if you miss, you’ll be miles away from me with your motivational bullshit.

https://xpil.eu/5l5


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/agt

Wrestling is a sport where people with no pants fight for an oversized belt.

https://xpil.eu/agt


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ro9

Books are dead trees with tattoos.

https://xpil.eu/ro9


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/1v4

Horses went from pulling the cart to getting towed around in trailers. That’s a pretty good deal.

https://xpil.eu/1v4


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/4a7

Trąbiąc w korku, stoisz w nim szybciej.

https://xpil.eu/4a7


JM

https://xpil.eu/f5b

Technically, you have never been closer to death than at this very moment.

https://xpil.eu/f5b


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/oq8

It’s weird how couples trying to have a baby always seem to take a while to get pregnant, but the ONE time my condom breaks I got a little “miracle” on the way.

https://xpil.eu/oq8


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/znu

Farts are kind of food ghosts.

https://xpil.eu/znu


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/rut

It’s surprising there aren’t any conspiracy theories that the ocean is bottomless because most people have never been to the seafloor.

https://xpil.eu/rut


Shower Thoughts

With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. However, this is not necessarily a good idea. It is hard to be sure where they are going to land, and it could be dangerous sitting under them as they fly overhead.


RFC 1925

https://xpil.eu/5l7

If you put a pair of glasses on a cat I will implicitly trust that cat to give me important financial advice.

https://xpil.eu/5l7


W. Smith

https://xpil.eu/yrd

A nap in a self driving car will be the closest my generation gets to teleportation.

https://xpil.eu/yrd


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/sk4

Technically, any salad could be a Caesar salad if you stab it enough.

https://xpil.eu/sk4


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/aqv

If you get your electricity from wind turbines and drive an electric car, you’re just sailing with extra steps.

https://xpil.eu/aqv


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/x64

Being offended doesn’t make you right.

https://xpil.eu/x64


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/nrp

As you get older you become smarter by realizing how dumb you are.

https://xpil.eu/nrp


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/t7q

A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.

https://xpil.eu/t7q


Douglas Adams

https://xpil.eu/rl2

Think of a happy memory. Not only is it irreversibly in the past, but you’re also literally millions of miles away from where it happened in space.

https://xpil.eu/rl2


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ro2

If you watch the Lord of the Rings backward it is a heartwarming tale about a hobbit retrieving a ring from a volcano, then hiking all across Middle Earth to give it to his uncle on his birthday.

https://xpil.eu/ro2


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/4cc

Ulubiony sport emerytów: lekka artretyka.

https://xpil.eu/4cc


JM

https://xpil.eu/xkw

You never stop clapping. The pauses between the claps just become longer.

https://xpil.eu/xkw


Shower Thougths

https://xpil.eu/g9c

How fast a car can go from 100-0 is probably more important than how fast it can get from 0-100.

https://xpil.eu/g9c


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/rnj

Every line in Finland is a Finnish line.

https://xpil.eu/rnj


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/hxt

“Can I help you?” is about the nicest way to say “What the fuck are you doing here?”

https://xpil.eu/hxt


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/doj

I hope I’m never in a situation in life where Tom Hanks will be cast as me in the movie.

https://xpil.eu/doj


Shower Thoughts

https://xpil.eu/ozy

4 komentarze

  1. Bardzo dobry pomysł by umieścić wszystkie cytaty w jednym miejscu, mam pytanie, technicznie czego używasz do zrobienia fiszki z cytatem?

    1. Do cytatów używam wtyczki Quote Master (https://wordpress.org/plugins/quote-master/). Wtyczka oferuje widżet do umieszczenia na pasku (albo w stopce, w nagłówku czy jakimkolwiek innym “widżetowym” miejscu), taki widżet wyświetla ładnie sformatowany cytat wraz z autorem, ewentualnym źródłem oraz cudzysłowami wokół tekstu. Natomiast do wygenerowania pełnej listy wszystkich cytatów użyłem wtyczki W4 Post List (https://wordpress.org/plugins/w4-post-list/), która z kolei umożliwia wygenerowanie dowolnej listy z zawartości naszego bloga (posty, autorzy, kategorie, tagi i tak dalej), a także sortowanie, filtrowanie oraz dowolne “wzbogacanie” wygenerowanej listy kodem css / html. Bardzo fajna rzecz.

  2. Wspaniała kolekcja. Widzę dużo perełek. Na chwilę obecną bardzo spodobał mi się cytat:
    “There’s religious people going door to door to convince atheists to become religious. Imagine how much controversy there would be if the roles were switched.” Bjutiful 😉

  3. Na chwilę obecną spodobał mi się ten: „Lepiej zaliczać się do niektórych niż do wszystkich.”
    Rozbawił i wzruszył natomiast ten: „By­wają okaz­je, gdy zwyczaj­nie nie można się nie napić.”

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