Wszystkie cytaty

Based on Gladwell’s 10,000 hour theory, it takes until the approximate age of 96 before one masters the art of Pooping.


My phone’s response to a low battery is to vibrate, turn the screen on, show a visual warning & chime loudly. This seems counter-productive.


Shower Thoughts

If you dig a trench beneath miners in order to sabotage them, you are mining under miners to undermine them


Shower Thoughts

Opera happens because a large number of things amazingly fail to go wrong.


Terry Pratchett

Ateistą jestem z powodów moralnych. Uważam, że twórcę rozpoznajemy poprzez jego dzieło. W moim odczuciu świat jest skonstruowany tak fatalnie, że wolę wierzyć, iż nikt go nie stworzył!


Stanisław Lem

99.99…% of the Universe will kill you instantly. The rest will take a little while to get the job done.


Shower Thoughts

I find the offspring of entirely different species’ to be absolutely adorable, and I can spend hours interacting with them. My own species’ offspring, however, I find creepy and go out of my way to avoid.


Shower Thoughts

When butterflies get nervous, do they feel people in their stomach?


Shower Thoughts

Church is just the world’s biggest book club.


Shower Thoughts

The pen is mightier than the sword if the sword is very short, and the pen is very sharp.


Terry Pratchett

Maybe plants are really farming us, giving us oxygen until we eventually expire and turn into mulch which they can consume.


Shower Thoughts

There’s nothing more suspicious than a clear browser history.


Shower Thoughts

“Am I as bored as you are?” can be read backwards and still make sense.


Shower Thoughts

The “It’s an older meme, but it checks out” meme is now an older meme, but it checks out.


Shower Thoughts

In all the movies, Santa never goes to the house directly next door. He always gets in his sleigh & fucks off like 20 miles east.


Shower Thoughts

– Moją og­romną przy­warą – wy­jaśnił – jest niepo­hamo­wana dob­roć. Ja po pros­tu muszę czy­nić dob­ro. Jes­tem jed­nak rozsądnym kras­no­ludem i wiem, że wszys­tkim wyświad­czyć dob­ra nie zdołam. Gdy­bym próbo­wał być dob­ry dla wszys­tkich, dla całego świata i wszys­tkich za­mie­szkujących go is­tot, byłaby to kro­pel­ka pit­nej wo­dy w słonym morzu, in­ny­mi słowy: stra­cony wy­siłek. Pos­ta­nowiłem za­tem czy­nić dob­ro kon­kret­ne, ta­kie, które nie idzie na mar­ne. Jes­tem dob­ry dla siebie i dla me­go bez­pośred­niego otocze­nia.


Andrzej Sapkowski

I wonder if I already own any of the clothes I’m going to die in


Shower Thoughts

When Sting dies will we refer to him as Stung?


Shower Thoughts

Nothing says “I’m rich” like sorting your search results from highest to lowest price while you shop


Shower Thoughts

When a woman is giving birth, is she literally kidding?


Shower Thoughts

I am so happy I live in a world with Facebook. Before that, it would have taken weeks, even months, before finding out someone was an idiot.


Shower Thoughts

It would be pretty shitty if the zombie apocalypse started on a Halloween night.


Shower Thoughts

Let’s give the top 100 richest people in the world cancer and see how long it takes to be cured.


Shower Thoughts

If you had $1 for every year the universe has existed (approximately 13.8 billion years). You wouldn’t even make the top 50 on the Forbes list.


Shower Thoughts

A kid napping is an incredible relief while a kidnapping is quite the opposite.


Shower Thoughts

Evolution produces organisms that don’t believe in evolution.


Shower Thoughts

Being a wealthy Nigerian with legitimate overseas interests must be really hard.


Shower Thoughts

You are not, “stuck in traffic.” You are traffic.


Shower Thoughts

Technically you are always starving to death, and eating resets the timer


Shower Thoughts

I wish I could turn my nose inside out to clean everything off of it instead of picking it.


Shower Thoughts

I’m glad that I decided to do drugs in high school instead of playing football, because football could have led to some serious brain damage.


Shower Thoughts

If two people on opposite sides of the world each drop a piece of bread, the Earth briefly becomes a sandwich.


Shower Thoughts

All vehicles should be equipped with two horns, one happy and one angry


Shower Thoughts

Mars is set to be colonized in the next decade yet I still can’t get a paper towel to rip along the perforated line with any sort of consistency.


Shower Thoughts

We put clocks in our mobile phones, so we didn’t need to look at watches. Now we put mobile phones in our watches so we don’t need to look at our mobile phones.


Shower Thoughts

Google is like a cool landlord who lets you stay rent free, but you know that when you’re gone he goes in your room and sniffs your panties.


Shower Thoughts

If you’re no longer covered by your parent’s health insurance, your manufacturer’s warranty is over.


Shower Thoughts

Bussinesses use the term ‘The cloud’ because “Store all your pictures on some one else’s computer” is something that no one would fall for.


Shower Thoughts

From the ages of 0-5 adults encourage you to walk and talk. From 5 until you die people tell you to sit down and shut up.


Shower Thoughts

Gods don’t like people not doing much work. People who aren’t busy all the time might start to think.


Terry Pratchett

Of course, Ankh-Morpork’s citizens had always claimed that the river water was incredibly pure. Any water that had passed through so many kidneys, they reasoned, had to be very pure indeed.


Terry Pratchett

Certain privileges become available to you based on the amount of laps you’ve done around the Sun.


Shower Thoughts

Walking around without a case on my phone is a lot like having sex with girls without a condom. It feels good and looks cool, but I know eventually an expensive accident is gonna happen.


Shower Thoughts

We never realize how many people we dislike until it comes to naming our child.


Shower Thoughts

At some point in your life, your parents go from hoping that you aren’t having sex, to hoping that you are.


Shower Thoughts

It’s more accurate to say “deaths were postponed” than “lives were saved”


Shower Thoughts

I hope I’m never in a situation in life where Tom Hanks will be cast as me in the movie.


Shower Thoughts

Swimming in lava is a once in a lifetime experience.


Shower Thoughts

The sentence “I never said she stole my bike” can be read with seven different meanings, depending on which word you emphasize.


Shower Thoughts

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.


Shower Thoughts

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.


George Carlin

My 15 year old self would be appalled to hear how many times I’ve chosen sleep over sex


Shower Thoughts

My dog probably thinks that I’m walking around the block alone for 12 hours while I’m at work.


Shower Thoughts

My dog on Halloween: “Why do my humans dress in weird clothes on the Night of the Thousand Doorbells?”


Shower Thoughts

Poglądy są jak du­pa, każdy ja­kieś ma, ale po co od ra­zu pokazywać…


Andrzej Sapkowski

Break a mirror its 7 years of bad luck. Break a condom it’s 18.


Shower Thoughts

Don’t hate people for what they look like on the outside, hate them for the horrible pieces of shit they are on the inside.


Shower Thoughts

There’s 2 kinds of people in this world, those who brake immediately upon seeing brake lights in front of them, and those who take their foot off the gas and think “let’s see how this goes”.


Shower Thoughts

I think the biggest difference between atheists and religious people is that atheist would change their minds if god proved real, believers would not if god proved inexistent.


Shower Thoughts

I’m almost 150 lbs and just ate a burrito that was about a pound and a half. I’m 1% burrito.


Shower Thoughts

Trees are farming us. They give us oxygen so we grow nice and big, them we finally die, decompose and make food for them.


Shower Thoughts

All models are wrong. Some models are useful.


George Box

Watching Christmas movies about families celebrating Christmas has become more traditional than actually celebrating a traditional Christmas.


Shower Thoughts

Amazon really needs a “I have £20 to spend and no idea what I want, show me cool things” button.


Shower Thoughts

people aren’t getting dumber, it’s just that stupid people get their voice heard easier now.


Shower Thoughts

Stephen Hawking can get his teeth cleaned by a dentist and still hold a conversation.


How can someone pick a peck of pickled peppers? You don’t pickle them until after they’re picked. Peter Piper’s a bullshitter.


Shower Thoughts

The reason why there are so many dumb people in the world is cause only the smart ones choose to use condoms.


Shower Thoughts

An upside of Amnesia would be watching all your favorite movies again for the first time.


Shower Thoughts

Of all the things that taste like chicken, surprisingly, eggs is not one of them.


Shower Thoughts

If they put a Pokestop on the moon we’d get back there within 6 months.


Shower Thoughts

„What’re quantum mechanics?”
„I don’t know. People who repair quantums, I suppose.”


Terry Pratchett

Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.


When I was a kid I thought all adults were smart and could be trusted. Now that I’m an adult, most adults are idiots and full of crap.


Shower Thoughts

If I put something in the refrigerator the first time am I just frigerating it?


Shower Thoughts

I would be more excited to see an Olympics with fully doped, drugged, and modified athletes.


Shower Thoughts

Just as potential employers can ask for references from past employers, potential employees should be able to ask for references from past employees.


Shower Thoughts


Shower Thoughts

I mean, I wouldn’t pay more than a couple of quid to see me, and I’m me.


Terry Pratchett

What if the speed of light only exists to hide the fact that the computer our universe is simulated on needs time to render our environment?


Shower Thoughts

One day you’ll either wake up and never go back to sleep, or go to sleep and never wake up again.


Shower Thoughts

Postęp jest jak sta­do świń. I tak na­leży na ów postęp pat­rzeć, tak go na­leży go oce­niać. Jak sta­do świń łażących po gum­nie i obejściu, Z fak­tu is­tnienia te­go sta­da wypływają roz­liczne korzyści. Jest go­lon­ka. Jest kiełba­sa, jest słoni­na, są nóżki w ga­lare­cie. Słowem, są korzyści! Nie ma co te­dy no­sem kręcić, że wszędzie nasrane.


Andrzej Sapkowski

I’m pretty sure the urinal was invented when a tall dude walked by a sink and thought “why not?”.


Shower Thoughts

Volleyball is a intense version of don’t let the balloon hit the floor.


Shower Thoughts

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.


George Carlin

We talk about Ancient Romans like they were basically all the same, but the civilization lasted almost 1000 years. That’s like saying people in 2016 and 1016 are basically the same.


Shower Thoughts

In fact, no gods anywhere play chess. They prefer simple, vicious games, where you Do Not Achieve Transcendence but Go Straight to Oblivion; a key to the understanding of all religion is that a god’s idea of amusement is Snakes and Ladders with greased rungs.


Terry Pratchett

The Golden Gate Bridge should have a long bungee cord for people who aren’t quite ready to commit suicide but want to get in a little practice.


George Carlin

School is the last place you make genuine friends. After that everyone is a business partner.


Shower Thoughts

The second hand on a clock is the third hand.


Shower Thoughts

Here is a list of top 10 binary numbers: 1, 0


NN

The person who coined the phrase “coined the phrase” coined the phrase.


Shower Thoughts

Have you ever noticed that their stuff is shit and your shit is stuff?


George Carlin

I’ve been overwhelmed. I’ve been underwhelmed… Have I ever been whelmed?


Shower Thoughts

It’s fine to show people your positive pregnancy test, but show them anything else you’ve peed on and that’s disgusting.


Shower Thoughts

I wonder what all of the people who type “U” instead of “you” do with all of that extra free time?


Shower Thoughts

Z publikacjami w internecie jest jak z dziećmi, te, które się nie udają – usuwamy.


Joe Monster

Cinderella must have a hard time shopping for shoes if literally no one else in the kingdom had her size


Shower Thoughts

Youngest person alive is the most often broken world record.


Shower Thoughts

If dentists make their money from looking after our unhealthy teeth then why would I trust a toothpaste 4/5 of them recommend?


Shower Thoughts

What if autocorrect is the start of skynet and it is simply destroying us in tiny ways wherever potassium?


Shower Thoughts

Maybe plants are farming us, giving us oxygen to breathe so we can die and turn into mulch for them.


Shower Thoughts

No one ever eats the donuts at the morning meeting but they disappear immediately when moved to the lunchroom after the meeting is over. I never see anyone eating them. Apparently, I work with a bunch of donut ninjas.


Shower Thoughts

Not once in my life have I stepped into somebody’s house and thought, “I sure hope I get an apology for ‘the mess’.”


Shower Thoughts

65 million light years away, alien telescopes would be seeing dinosaurs on our planet.


Shower Thoughts

If I throw around large amounts of shredded bread on public property, my proximity to pigeons determines whether or not I’m littering.


Shower Thoughts

Toilet paper is just a nice way of saying butthole tissues.


Shower Thoughts

If your house doesn’t have house numbers on it, you need to address that situation.


Shower Thoughts

People don’t like it when you share your opinion. They only like when you share their opinion.


Shower Thoughts

Telling someone you’ll pray for them is basically like telling them “I’ll sit around and think about your problems but I’m not actually going to do anything productive to help you with them”.


Shower Thoughts

Theme parks can snap a crystal clear picture of you on a roller coaster at 70 mph, but bank cameras can’t get a clear shot of a robber standing still.


Shower Thoughts

The scientific field with the most groundbreaking discoveries is geology.


Shower Thoughts

Lawyers carry a briefcase in hopes that it will be a brief case.


Shower Thoughts

Books are dead trees with tattoos.


Shower Thoughts

Any machine can be a smoke machine if you use it wrong enough for long enough.


Shower Thoughts

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.


George Carlin

Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius — and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction.


Ernst F. Schumacher

Life is like eating your favorite meal. At first your excited to eat it so you go through it fast. Then you slowly realize there is less and less of it and you should have taken your time with it. You try to slow it down, but eventually there is no more left.


Shower Thoughts

For some reason it’s acceptable for people to point out that I have no sense of humor but unacceptable for me to point out that they’re actually just way too dumb to understand my dry wit.


Shower Thoughts

There’s more planes in the ocean than there ever will be submarines in the air.


Shower Thoughts

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.


Albert Einstein

Jeżeli świat nie jest rozsypaną przed nami łamigłówką, tylko zupą, w której pływają bez ładu i składu kawałki, od czasu do czasu zlepiające się przez przypadek w jakąś całość? Jeżeli wszystko, co istnieje, jest fragmentaryczne, nie donoszone, poronne, zdarzenia mają koniec bez początku albo tylko środek, sam przód albo tył, a my wciąż segregujemy, wyławiamy i rekonstruujemy, aż zaczynamy widzieć całe miłości, całe zdrady i klęski, chociaż naprawdę jesteśmy cząstkowi, byle jacy. Nasze twarze, nasze losy urabia statystyka, jesteśmy wypadkową ruchów brownowskich, ludzie to nie dokończone szkice, przypadkowo zarysowane projekty. Perfekcja, pełnia, doskonałość – to rzadki Wyjątek, zdarzający się tylko dlatego, że wszystkiego jest tak niesłychanie, niewyobrażalnie wiele! Olbrzymiość świata, nieprzeliczalna jego mnogość jest automatycznym regulatorem codziennej zwyczajności, dzięki niej uzupełniają się pozornie luki i wyrwy, myśl dla własnego zbawienia odnajduje i scala odległe fragmenty. Religia, filozofia są klejem, wciąż składamy i zbieramy rozpełzające się w statystykę ochłapy, żeby je złożyć w sens, jak w dzwon naszej chwały, żeby odezwały się jednym, jedynym głosem! Tymczasem jest tylko zupa. Matematyczny ład świata to nasza modlitwa do piramidy chaosu. Na wszystkie strony wystają kawałki życia poza znaczenia, które ustaliliśmy jako jedyne, a my nie chcemy, nie chcemy tego widzieć! Tymczasem istnieje tylko statystyka. Człowiek rozumny to człowiek statystyczny. Czy dziecko będzie piękne czy brzydkie? Czy muzyka da mu rozkosz? Czy dostanie raka? O tym wszystkim decyduje gra w kości. Statystyka stoi u naszego poczęcia, ona wylosowuje zlepki genów, z których tworzą się nasze ciała, ona wylosowuje naszą śmierć. O spotkaniu kobiety, którą pokocham, o mojej długowieczności, o wszystkim decyduje normalny rozkład statystyczny, więc może także o tym, czy będę nieśmiertelny? Może ona staje się czyimś udziałem na ślepo, przez przypadek, od czasu do czasu, tak samo jak uroda lub kalectwo? A skoro nie istnieją jednoznaczne przebiegi, skoro rozpacz, piękno, radość i brzydota są dziełem statystyki, statystyką jest podszyte nasze poznanie, istnieje tylko ślepa gra, wiekuiste układanie się przypadkowych wzorów. Nieskończona liczba Rzeczy szydzi z naszego umiłowania Ładu. Szukajcie – a znajdziecie; zawsze w końcu znajdziecie, jeżeli będziecie tylko dość żarliwie szukali, statystyka bowiem niczego nie wyklucza, czyni wszystko możliwym, jedynie mniej lub więcej prawdopodobnymi. Historia zaś jest ziszczaniem się brownowskich ruchów, statystycznym tańcem cząstek, które nie przestają marzyć o innym doczesnym świecie…


Stanisław Lem

They should make a show where they give contestants ikea furniture without instructions and see who builds it the fastest and most accurately.


Shower Thoughts

Sneezing while pooping is an efficient way to clear two passages at once.


Shower Thoughts

Ludzie dzielą się na trzy kategorie: na tych co potrafią liczyć i na tych co nie potrafią.


Autor nieznany

His sister had been sent down to the village to ask Mistress Garlick the witch how you stopped spelling recommendation.


Terry Pratchett

A zoo is a really safe place to fart.


Shower Thoughts

In 2008, I bought an iPhone because it was the only phone with a 3.5mm jack. Now it’s the only phone without a 3.5mm jack.


Shower Thoughts

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.


Terry Pratchett

If you can’t intelligently argue for both sides of an issue, you don’t understand the issue well enough to argue for either.


NN

You get married to save the relationship, have a kid to save the marriage and get divorced to save the kid.


Shower Thoughts

Life is like tetris. Your accomplishments disappear and your mistakes add up.


Shower Thoughts

When people say they love the smell of autumn, they’re basically saying they love the smell of dying plants, leaf rot and mold.


Shower Thoughts

In every high school, there should be a class dedicated to teaching how taxes work, how to get insurance, how to rent or pay mortgage, and how to not get into financial trouble with banks.


Shower Thoughts

Christians are just bible nerds. They love to make their children cosplay the main character’s origin story, and go to conventions every week!


Shower Thoughts

Tall, dark and handsome. A strong, silent type. Women are looking for trees.


Shower Thoughts

There should be a reality show where people track down and expose people who’ve posted horrible and vile comments on the internet.


Shower Thoughts

When your gas tank is empty it is full of gas.


Shower Thoughts

If you step on someone’s foot, they open their mouth, just like a bin does.


Shower Thoughts

Global Warming is just the planet getting a fever to try to kill of its infection


Shower Thoughts

„Slang” is just short for „short language”


Shower Thoughts

– What is it that a man may call the greatest things in life?
– Hot water, good dentishtry and shoft lavatory paper.


Terry Pratchett

He was a slave: at word he went and came;
His iron collar cut him to the bone.
Then Liberty erased his owner’s name,
Tightened the rivets and inscribed his own.


G.J.

I fully expect first contact with another alien race to be like meeting new friends freshman year of college. Everyone is unrealistically ultra nice, and both sides are scared shitless the other will eventually find out how fucked up their home lives are.


Shower Thoughts

For centuries, humans have waged war because we can’t agree on which books are fiction and which books are nonfiction.


Shower Thoughts

Murphy’s Law is recursive.  Washing your car to make it rain doesn’t work.


Once upon a time, history was written by the winners. Then the losers discovered the internet.


Shower Thoughts

Cze­kaj­cie, klienty!
Wnet wam pójdzie w pięty!
Roz­le­ci się ten burdel
Aż po fundamenty!


Andrzej Sapkowski

The word Fat just looks like someone took a bite out of the first letter of the word Eat.


Shower Thoughts

If I eat my meal from the frying pan at a restaurant, it’s sophisticated and a sign of quality. If I do it at home, I’m lazy and disgusting.


Shower Thoughts

“Look, mom. No hands!” would be a great slogan for a unicycle shop, but a terrible slogan for a fireworks stand.


Shower Thoughts

Everybody knows that Jesus drove a Honda, but he didn’t like to talk about it?
From John 12:49 ‘For I do not speak of my own Accord…’


Shower Thoughts

I’m very punk rock when I charge my laptop, phone, and headphones. I always use the same three power cords.


Shower Thoughts

If you have experience as a kamikaze pilot, you are a shitty kamikaze pilot.


Shower Thoughts

I’d be more terrified by the absence of aliens rather than the presence of them.


Shower Thoughts

You cook bacon and bake cookies.


Shower Thoughts

Weather forecast for tonight: Dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.


George Carlin

Cars can drive themselves, phones are voice activated, and I can pay for groceries with my phone– but elevators still don’t have a “cancel” button.


Shower Thoughts

We don’t pronounce the “k” in knowledge until we acknowledge it.


Shower Thoughts

Dying of old age is basically saying death by survival.


Shower Thoughts

The Guy who shot 50 Cent 9 times and didn’t managed to kill him is the Father of all Stormtroopers.


Shower Thoughts

If you rip a hole in a fish net, there are fewer holes in it.


Shower Thoughts

Farting when you have diarrhea is like playing Russian roulette with 5 rounds in the pistol.


Shower Thoughts

If I had a pound for every time I got suspicious… I’d wonder who the fuck was paying me, and why?


Shower Thoughts

Its hard to win an argument with a smart person, but it is damn near impossible to win an argument with a stupid person.


Shower Thoughts

If you’ve had sex with less than 12 people, people that have had sex with you belong to a more exclusive club than those who have walked on the moon.


Shower Thoughts

The rotation of the Earth really makes my day


Shower Thoughts

We are just monkeys sitting on a rock fighting over melanin level and imaginary sky people.


Shower Thoughts

A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.


George Carlin

I spent my entire youth applying makeup to make me look older. I will spend the rest of adulthood applying makeup to make me look young. The makeup business model is genius.


Shower Thoughts

The Empire has built 3 deaths stars, each to be the most powerful weapon in the galaxy. They have all been destroyed by x-wings. The Empire needs to invest in x-wings.


Shower Thoughts

What if fossilization is a myth and animals just used to be made of rock?


Shower Thoughts

Guinness World Records holds the world record for keeping track of the most world records


Shower Thoughts

Dogs barking at each other with a fence in the middle is a lot like people talking on the internet.


Shower Thoughts

 

Nie ma snów śnionych wspólnie.

 


Stanisław Lem

Running would sound way different if our buttcracks were horizontal.


Shower Thoughts

I wish my bed was as comfy when I’m trying to fall asleep as it is when my alarm goes off.


Shower Thoughts

Clint Eastwood is a anagram for Old West Action.


Shower Thoughts

Instead of LMAO or LOL, I’m gonna start using BATMN (blew air through my nose) because that’s what I really do when I read something funny.


Shower Thoughts

If a zombie apocalypse happens in Vegas, does it stay in Vegas?


Shower Thoughts

if you rob a bank you won’t need to worry about bills for the next 10 years, successful or not


Shower Thoughts

Puberty is basically when the thought of your crush seeing you naked goes from worst case scenario to best case scenario.


Shower Thoughts

Andromeda Galaxy is going to collide with the Milky way in 4 billion years. We still have time to rename Andromeda to Cookie Way.


Shower Thoughts

I go to work so I can afford food to eat. I eat so I can have energy to go to work. It’s a trap.


Shower Thoughts

If someone made special scissors for cutting paper made of stone, they’d be rock paper scissors.


Shower Thoughts

A package sent by car is a shipment, but a package sent by ship is a cargo.


Shower Thoughts

Farming is just a really long recipe to make poo taste better.


Shower Thoughts

Remember when Trinity uses fast learning in the Matrix to fly a B212 helicopter? That’s how I feel when Google shows me how to fix a leaky toilet shutoff valve.


Shower Thoughts

In order to fit more cow in my belly, I must first loosen a different cow from around my belly.


Shower Thoughts

Wet socks are the worst first world problem. We are literally complaining about having both water and socks.


Shower Thoughts

Apartments are really togetherments.


Shower Thoughts

If Bruce Willis dies from Viagra overdose, the headline will read “Bruce Willis Dies Hard.”


Shower Thoughts

According to our brain, the brain is the most important organ in our body.


Shower Thoughts

Initially, we used to pay to listen to songs. Now we pay to skip them.


Shower Thoughts

If you ever feel mad that you missed out on something cool, just remember that Michael Collins flew all the way to the moon on Apollo 11, just to stay in orbit while Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin became the first humans to walk on the moon.


Shower Thoughts

Despite humanity reaching being advanced enough to reach the moon, we still have people killing other people for not having the same imaginary friend.


Shower Thoughts

I think we should all take a moment and be grateful our bodies don’t shit while we’re asleep.


Shower Thoughts

Your bed is a shelf for your body when you’re not using it.


Shower Thoughts

A werewolf who doesn’t know that they’re a werewolf would be an unawarewolf.


Shower Thoughts

You know how you can tap on YouTube videos to see how much time is left? I wish I could do that when some people talk.


Shower Thoughts

If Mary had baby Jesus, and Jesus is the lamb of God…. Then Mary really did have a little lamb.


Shower Thoughts

I hope when I die, that it’s early in the morning so I don’t have to go to work that day for no reason.


Shower Thoughts

When keyless ignition in cars becomes a standard feature, survival rates in horror movies will go up 30%


Shower Thoughts

In just a few short years, my body has gone from saying “you don’t need to drink to have fun”, to “you don’t need to be having fun to drink”


Shower Thoughts

I can see atoms but only if there’s a bunch of them together.


Shower Thoughts

Being offended doesn’t make you right.


Shower Thoughts

If Katniss and Peeta from “Hunger Games” were Hollywood celebrities, their supercouple nickname would either be Katpee or Peeniss.


Shower Thoughts

I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.


George Carlin

“Head, shoulders, knees, and toes” is just a song about what’s gonna hurt when you’re 50.


Shower Thoughts

My computer freezes when it overheats.


Shower Thoughts

If you cut a corner off a piece of paper, it gains a corner.


Shower Thoughts

By­wają okaz­je, gdy zwyczaj­nie nie można się nie napić.


Andrzej Sapkowski

Nig­dy nie ma się dru­giej okaz­ji, żeby zro­bić pier­wsze wrażenie.


Andrzej Sapkowski

Since taking my smartphone to the toilet, I know much less about my shampoo ingredients.


Shower Thoughts

You can’t save anyone’s life, only postpone their death


Shower Thoughts

We will be the last generation to have witnessed life without the Internet.


Shower Thoughts

When someone says they’ve lost 2 or 3 pounds in a short amount of time, I picture them taking a giant dump and then stepping on the scale in victory.


Shower Thoughts

Opening the fridge every 5 minutes not because I expect there will be something new in there, but to see if my standards has lowered low enough to eat what’s left.


Shower Thoughts

No one knows what’s next, but everybody does it.


George Carlin

Adam and Eve were the first people to accept Apple’s terms and conditions without reading them…


Shower Thoughts

Alcohol makes more people than it kills.


Shower Thoughts

Does anyone feel 100% confident correctly pronouncing the word “Worcestershire”?


Shower Thoughts

Claiming to have a mental illness when you don’t have a mental illness is probably a sign of mental illness.


Shower Thoughts

Może nie zro­bimy więcej niż jes­teśmy w sta­nie, ale pos­ta­raj­my się, żeby to nie było dużo mniej.


Andrzej Sapkowski

Kids wanna be teenagers, adults wanna be teenagers again. Everybody wants to be a teenager, except teenagers.


Shower Thoughts

If I say “fast food ice machines are as clean as fast food restaurant toilets” people panic; but if I say “fast food restaurant toilets are as clean as fast food ice machines” people applaud restroom cleanliness.


Shower Thoughts

Becoming an atheist isn’t really becoming anything – it’s returning to your default state.


Shower Thoughts

In 1968, civil unrest fueled the media. In 2016, the media fuels the civil unrest.


Shower Thoughts

There should be an express line at coffee shops for people ordering plain black coffees as a little perk for not ordering one of those fufu coffee drinks that take 5 times longer to concoct.


Shower Thoughts

Beds are like time machines that take us to breakfast.


Shower Thoughts

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.


George Carlin

The first strong AI would intentionally fail the Turing Test.


Shower Thoughts

A czymże jest praw­dzi­wa męskość, jeśli nie wy­mie­sza­nymi w od­po­wied­nich pro­por­cjach klasą i szaleństwem?


Andrzej Sapkowski

Must have been nice before cell phones. You could push someone in the water and not have to pay them hundreds of dollars.


Shower Thoughts

I hope my dog never realizes that I’m full of bones.


Shower Thoughts

Science is changing beliefs to fit observations, religion is ignoring observations to maintain beliefs.


Shower Thoughts

If your parachute doesn’t deploy while skydiving, you have the rest of your life to fix it.


Shower Thoughts

If God took the seventh day off to rest, shouldn’t Christians not pray on Sunday and let him enjoy his day off.


Shower Thoughts

In a 100 years, having I am not a robot test on your website is going to be considered discriminating.


Shower Thoughts

Hiccups never truly go away. They just get further apart.


Shower Thoughts

When your phone is on vibrate you get a text massage.


Shower Thoughts

Gdyby wziąć wszystkie ziemskie słonie i poustawiać je jeden na drugim aż do Księżyca, to wszystkie te słonie by umarły.


?

Having voices in your head is normal. Listening to them is common. Arguing with them is acceptable. However, when you begin to lose the argument, you’re in trouble.


Shower Thoughts

How many different animals did we have to jump on the backs of before we discovered horses were cool with it?


Shower Thoughts

“Go to bed, you’ll feel better in the morning” is just the human version of “Did you turn off and back on again?”


Shower Thoughts

As a 40yo, babies born today will be the future paramedics coming to help me when I’ve fallen and can’t get up


Shower Thoughts

“Can I help you?” is about the nicest way to say “What the fuck are you doing here?”


Shower Thoughts

If a shaved guinea pig looks like a tiny hippopotamus. A hippopotamus with hair would probably look like a giant guinea pig.


Shower Thoughts

A child is the most expensive thing you can get for free.


Shower Thoughts

Spotkałem niedawno mikrobiologa. Był dużo większy, niż myślałem.


NN

Alicia Keys stops wearing make-up and everyone gives her props for being a beautiful, proud independent woman. I stop wearing make-up and people ask if I’ve slept this year.


Shower Thoughts

So I say, “Live and let live.” That’s my motto. “Live and let live.” Anyone who can’t go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker. It’s a simple philosophy, but it’s always worked in our family.


George Carlin

If sentient life didn’t exist, the whole universe would have come and gone without anyone ever seeing it. For some reason that makes me feel sad.


Shower Thoughts

Every time you pass a hospital you’re probably passing a bunch of people who are either having the worst day of their life, the best day of their life, the first day of their life, or the last day of their life.


Shower Thoughts

The word “parallel” has a visual representation of its definition within itself.


Shower Thoughts

The person who prays for God to change things thinks God has arranged matters wrong, and also thinks they can instruct God on how they should be put right.


Shower Thoughts

Le­piej za­liczać się do niektórych niż do wszystkich.


Andrzej Sapkowski

A woman in a bikini reveals about 90% of her body… And yet most men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.


Shower Thoughts

If I run a red light my picture is taken in HD but someone robs a bank and the video looks like footage from minecraft.


Shower Thoughts

You left earphone is either in the right ear or in your right ear.


Shower Thoughts

Live like you’re broke, and you won’t be. Live like you’re rich, and you won’t be.


Shower Thoughts

The atoms that make up my body aren’t mine, it’s just my time to use them.


Shower Thoughts

“up” is “dn”, upside down


Shower Thoughts

Been calling to the British football abuse Hotline, but apparently it’s only for victims…


Shower Thoughts

Since there is no spelling for a fart sound, we should all agree to use the symbol :! because it’s a Colon Exclamation.


Shower Thoughts

There is a giant, flaming ball of gas in the sky that’s been there from the moment we were born to the day we will die. And we’re not supposed to look at it.


Shower Thoughts

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.


George Carlin

If 72 virgins is the reward for blowing yourself in a crowd of innocent people, someone should start a peaceful religion that awards 73 virgins for just being cool.


Shower Thoughts

My goals in life have very good goalies.


Shower Thoughts

Suicide is literally the last thing I would ever do.


Shower Thoughts

So far, this is the oldest I’ve been.


George Carlin

English is a hard language, but It can be understood through tough thorough thought though.


Shower Thoughts

There are only two kinds of languages: the ones people complain about and the ones nobody uses.


Bjarne Stroustrup

If you leave milk & cookies out for Santa on Christmas Eve, and you put heavy sedatives in the milk, he’ll fall asleep and you can take everybody’s presents.


Shower Thoughts

What our ancestors would really be thinking, if they were alive today, is: „Why is it so dark in here?”


Terry Pratchett

I can’t decide if people who wear pyjamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.


Shower Thoughts

If you say grace before you eat leftovers, I bet God is like, “Dude, I JUST blessed this chicken not even 24 hours ago, give it a rest.”


Shower Thoughts

Do twins ever realize that one of them was not planned?


Shower Thoughts

I know I drive a worthless car when my worries about it being stolen depend on whether the fuel tank is full or not.


Shower Thoughts

Being born is a death sentence.


Shower Thoughts

Parents spend the first two years of their children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.


Shower Thoughts

People are disgusted by monkeys because they masturbate all the time and fling shit at each other, But thats most of what humans use the internet for as well.


Shower Thoughts

The best way to not lose you wireless headphones is with a Y shaped string between your headphones and your phone.


Shower Thoughts

The internet uses many terms relating to water. I can surf the web, stream a video, or wait until my computer freezes.


Shower Thoughts

My organs have never seen the light of day. If all goes well, they never will.


Shower Thoughts

You know when two people kiss, they form a continuous tube with a butthole on each end.


Shower Thoughts

When someone starts a sentence with “with all due respect,” you know some disrespectful shit is coming next.


Shower Thoughts

If you live for people’s acceptance.you will die from their rejection.


Shower Thoughts

What year did Jesus think it was?


George Carlin

If you really want to save the planet, stop having kids.


Shower Thoughts

Samsung just announced a series of water resistant phones. Just what you want in a phone that sets itself on fire – to be water resistant.


Shower Thoughts

I wonder if life gives dyslexic people melons instead of lemons?…


Shower Thoughts

“Go to sleep, you’ll feel better in the morning” is the human equivalent of someone saying “Did you turn it off and turn it on again?”


Shower Thoughts

If you step on a person’s foot, they open their mouth just like a garbage can.


Shower Thoughts

George Orwell predicted cameras watching us in our homes, but he didn’t predict that we would buy and install them ourselves.


Shower Thoughts

I don’t care how safe it is. If I’m going skydiving, I’m clearing my browser history the night before.


Shower Thoughts

The adjective “unlockable” can have 2 meanings. Something that can’t be locked, and something that can be unlocked.


Shower Thoughts

We say that is wrong to take children to LGBT support events as they are too young to make their own choices, yet taking them to church and christening them is considered a good thing.


Shower Thoughts

I rarely drink alcohol to the point of puking, but I always drink coffee to the point of pooping.


Shower Thoughts

I don’t know if I am actually intelligent or just dumb enough to think I am


Shower Thoughts

Humans are 75% water. Basically cucumbers with anxiety.


Shower Thoughts

The hardest thing I ever attempted to do was to come up with a new letter of the alphabet without it sounding like the 26 that already existed


Shower Thoughts

A flat earther, who was vaccinated as a child, warned me not to vaccinate my kids because it’ll make them stupid.


Shower Thoughts

Spoons are just tiny bowls on sticks.


Shower Thoughts

Before the internet, there were people who wiped while sitting and people who wiped while standing and they didn’t know that the other existed.


Shower Thoughts

Screaming and yelling at customer service is like punching a monitor when your CPU fucks up


Shower Thoughts

Horror movies used to fuel my nightmares, I miss that, now it just takes watching the news


Shower Thoughts

„There must be a hundred silver dollars in here,” moaned Boggis, waving a purse. „I mean, that’s not my league. That’s not my class. I can’t handle that sort of money. You’ve got to be in the Guild of Lawyers or something to steal that much.”


Terry Pratchett

If you come to my funeral… I’m not coming to yours.


Shower Thoughts

Technically, any salad could be a Caesar salad if you stab it enough.


Shower Thoughts

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.


George Carlin

Jesteśmy jak na krze, która jest unoszona prądami technologii. Nie panujemy nad nią, nie wiemy dokąd nas niesie, nie wiemy jak nią sterować.


Stanisław Lem

The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking.


Shower Thoughts

Though, through, and tough don’t rhyme.


Shower Thoughts

People are very divided over what happens after death, but not over what happens before birth, even though they are essentially the same state of nonexistence.


Shower Thoughts

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.


George Carlin

Work is like a video game you play 40hrs a week. You go to a different world, you train your work character, collect exp, and try to level up to get more gold.


Shower Thoughts

It’s its when it isn’t it is.


Shower Thoughts

In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.


Terry Pratchett

This is the 21st century, where deleting history is more important than creating history.


Shower Thoughts

Dragons would think its cool that we create water in our mouths.


Pacman is about a dude who has to take drugs to fight the demons chasing him.


Shower Thoughts

Toasters were the first pop-up notification.


Shower Thoughts

Hardware is just software which has crystallized early.


Alan Kay

When you get half a pickle with your sandwich, you are sharing a pickle with a stranger.


Shower Thoughts

A physicist is a collection of particles trying to understand themselves.


Shower Thoughts

Noses are in the middle of our faces because it’s the scenter.


Shower Thoughts

The worst part about being a giraffe is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you’re sinking into quicksand.


Shower Thoughts

It’s interesting to watch kids learning to lie. They really suck at it to begin with. Then gradually get better. Then suddenly they just stop lying.


Shower Thoughts

„So,” it said, „before unbelievers get burned alive… do you sing to them first?”

„No!”

„Ah. A merciful death.”


Terry Pratchett

Horses went from pulling the cart to getting towed around in trailers. That’s a pretty good deal.


Shower Thoughts

After all the years of being asked in job interviews what my greatest weakness is, I have come to realize that my greatest weakness is the complete inability to think of a good answer to that question.


Shower Thoughts

If I know someone can take a joke/insult without being offended, then I don’t mind if they insult me. But if it is someone who gets offended easily who insults me, I find that offensive.


Shower Thoughts

If you have a problem with an entire generation you shouldn’t blame them. You should blame the generation that raised them.


Shower Thoughts

If you’re deaf, every fart is a gamble.


Shower Thoughts

A book is just step-by-step instructions of what to imagine.


Shower Thoughts

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.


We use “pass” in a lot of ways to make things more polite. Like saying “passed away” “passed gas” and “I’ll pass” instead of “They died” “I farted” and “Fuck off.”


Shower Thoughts

To find a needle in a haystack all you have to do is burn down the haystack.


Shower Thoughts

With an average of 7 lbs of feces inside them, 536 people have been to space. It costs ~10k per pound for a trip to space. We’ve spent around $32.5 million shipping literal shit into space.


Shower Thoughts

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.


George Carlin

Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.


George Carlin

The most blessed people are those who sneeze the most.


Shower Thoughts

At Night, I Can’t find one comfortable position to sleep. In the Morning, every position is comfortable to sleep


Shower Thoughts

Roz­daj wszys­tko, a uczy­ni to twą duszę szlachetną. A mie­szek i kałdun pustymi.


Andrzej Sapkowski

My wife’s going for a sonogram soon. Or a daughterogram. We’re not sure yet…


Shower Thoughts

You give a man a plane ride and he’ll fly for a day. You push a man out of a plane and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.


NN

We live in a age where we have to prove to machines that we are not machines.


Shower Thoughts

I have no idea how much I’ve forgotten.


Shower Thoughts

If bees made beer, we would be taking better care of them.


Shower Thoughts

Jeśli płacicie ludziom za to, że nie pracują, a każecie im płacić podatki gdy pracują, nie dziwcie się, że macie bezrobocie.


Milton Friedman

If there were no sentient beings in the universe, would it really exist?


Shower Thoughts

The quickest way to lose respect from people around you is to demand respect from people around you.


Shower Thoughts

Rather than give candy to kids who don’t need it, what if we gave food to the homeless once a year.


Shower Thoughts

It’s been 17 years and we still don’t know who let the dogs out.


Shower Thoughts

Nothing ensures the survival of a species like being tasty to humans.


Shower Thoughts

“Survived a shark attack” sounds a lot cooler than “Almost killed by a fish”.


Shower Thoughts

I wonder if any prostitutes ever finish a transaction and tell their clients, “it was a business doing pleasure with you.”


Shower Thoughts

I don’t think the girls at my college appreciate how handsome my mom thinks I am.


Shower Thoughts

The amount of battery life I have left when I leave work is a good indication of how productive my day was.


Shower Thoughts

Tetris taught me when you fit in you disappear.


Shower Thoughts

If Tom Cruise put his car into cruise control, is it no longer cruise control?


Shower Thoughts

Push up bra is like a bag of chips. Contents may seem full but when you open it, it’s half empty and you are disappointed.


Shower Thoughts

Are trees made out of wood, or is wood made out of trees?


Shower Thoughts

You don’t need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.


Shower Thoughts

As an avid camper, I have spent a lot of money pretending that I don’t have a house.


Shower Thoughts

What if the expansion and shrinking of the universe every 30 billion years is just the result of an unfathomable sized creature breathing?


Shower Thoughts

If your buttcrack was horizontal it would clap whenever you go down the stairs.


Shower Thoughts

Babies are like random alarm clocks with really complicated snooze buttons.


Shower Thoughts

I don’t believe in Mrs. Claus. I think she was invented because people couldn’t handle the idea of an unmarried elderly man watching children all year long then giving them presents based on his own deluded judgement of naughty and nice.


Shower Thoughts

The number of eagles who can pick up a bull, you can count then on the fingers of one head.


Terry Pratchett

The object of golf is to play the least amount of golf.


Shower Thoughts

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.


George Carlin

I had more freedom as a kid riding around on a bike than as an adult driving in a car.


Shower Thoughts

Exceptio probat regulam.


NN

What if we are part of a procedurally generated universe in a shitty video game created by another species that no one plays anymore.


Shower Thoughts

Let me not finish that sentence and offend you any further.


N.N.

Between coffee and cocaine, it seems like the whole point of Colombia is to wake the rest of the world up.


Shower Thoughts

The best part about Apple’s changes to iPhone 7 is reading about it on my Android device.


Shower Thoughts

The planet is fine. The people are fucked.


George Carlin

The older you get the more Christmas becomes a game of survival to return to normal life unscathed from people you don’t see often.


Shower Thoughts

Once Time Travel Becomes Possible, It Always Has Been.


Shower Thoughts

What if Gods test for us is how gullible we are and only the atheists go to heaven?


Shower Thoughts

If you don’t lie to the doctor about how much you drink, you’re not drinking enough.


Shower Thoughts

Tam gdzie dziś piętrzą się góry, będą kiedyś morza, tam gdzie dziś pełnią się morza, będą kiedyś pus­ty­nie. A głupo­ta po­zos­ta­nie głupotą.


Andrzej Sapkowski

We should use the term Pro-Disease instead of Anti-Vax.


Shower Thoughts

You can always tell when they use fake dinosaurs in movies.


Shower Thoughts

The history on my calculator is far more embarrassing than the history on my web browser.


Shower Thoughts

We should be asking kids, “What kinds of problems do you want to solve?” when helping them consider future careers instead of, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”


Shower Thoughts

The Matrix would be a hell of a lot harder to get out of today with the lack of landlines available.


Shower Thoughts

Ever since I started using adblocker nobody wants to date me anymore


Shower Thoughts

I bet dogs would be really disappointed to know we really don’t know what the heck is going on either.


Shower Thoughts

There should be signs telling you when drug free school zones end so you know when it’s OK to do drugs again.


Shower Thoughts

They should really make couples pass a parent course before being allowed to have a child.


Shower Thoughts

At age 30, you’ve spent a month having birthdays.


Shower Thoughts

You have to be odd to be number one.


Shower Thoughts

Christmas is the only day when you get presents on someone else’s birthday.


Shower Thoughts

Gyms should offer a membership package where you pay for every day that you don’t go.


Shower Thoughts

Remember that every corpse on Everest was once a highly motivated person.


Shower Thoughts

Weird how shoelaces untie themselves and headphone cords tie themselves.


Shower Thoughts

Italy’s Leaning Tower of Pisa is just italic.


Shower Thoughts

Restaurants should hang their dessert menus on the inside of the bathroom stalls and at the top have it read, “since you’re making more room..”


Shower Thoughts

“Getting stoned” is either really good or really bad depending on what part of the world you live in.


Shower Thoughts

I know every digit of pi. Just not the order they go in.


Shower Thoughts

No enemies had ever taken Ankh-Morpork. Well technically they had, quite often; the city welcomed free-spending barbarian invaders, but somehow the puzzled raiders found, after a few days, that they didn’t own their horses any more, and within a couple of months they were just another minority group with its own graffiti and food shops.


Terry Pratchett

Hasbro has a monopoly on games and a game on monopolies.


Shower Thoughts

The use of birth control by responsible people is slowly replacing the human race with irresponsible people who get pregnant unintentionally.


Shower Thoughts

Thomas Edison got an idea that was so great, that it ended up being the universal symbol of a bright idea.


Shower Thoughts

Talking about your own IQ is the fastest way to make everyone think less of you.


Shower Thoughts

If I lost at Russian Roulette I wouldn’t even know.


Shower Thoughts

„‚E’s fighting in there!” he stuttered, grabbing the captain’s arm. „All by himself?” said the captain. „No, with everyone!” shouted Nobby, hopping from one foot to the other.


Terry Pratchett

After five movies, I’m pretty sure we can start calling them Highly Unlikely, Yet Doable Missions.


Shower Thoughts

Gówno i ka­pus­ta zaw­sze w parze idą. Jed­no popędza dru­gie. Per­pe­tuum mobile.


Andrzej Sapkowski

Modern medicine is stunting human evolution by extending the lifespans of the weak and stupid and allowing them to procreate.


Shower Thoughts

It’s strange that there is an L in Noel.


Shower Thoughts

The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.


Shower Thoughts

Growing up, everyone tells you to chase your dreams, but once you do, they tell you to be realistic.


Shower Thoughts

There are more stars in the known universe than there are grains of sand. But in a single grain of sand there are more atoms than there are stars in the known universe.


Shower Thoughts

Our fingers have fingertips, but our toes don’t have toetips. However, we can still tiptoe, but cannot tipfinger.


Shower Thoughts

How funny would it be if flatulating was as infectious as yawning.


Shower Thoughts

I wonder if anyone has ever killed themselves solely because they were SUPER CURIOUS to see what happens afterwards and didn’t feel like waiting 60 more years dicking around on Earth


Shower Thoughts

How fast a car can go from 100-0 is probably more important than how fast it can get from 0-100.


Shower Thoughts

There should be a “Toilet Paper Sampler” that sends me one roll of each major brand/type in a package, labeled with which one is which, so I can try them side by side and decide which one I like best.


Shower Thoughts

What if Pi is just the random seed for our universe.


Shower Thoughts

If the Earth was flat, cats would have pushed everything off it by now.


Shower Thoughts

When I’m driving at 60mph I automatically convert miles to minutes.


Shower Thoughts

They should make little sticks that sit behind your steering wheel to help people communicate with others on the road when they want to make a turn or merge into others lane.


Shower Thoughts

When you take a cigarette out of a pack, the pack becomes a cigarette lighter!


Shower Thoughts

Reading is just staring at a dead piece of wood for hours and hallucinating.


Shower Thoughts

If you wore an invisible cloak, we would still be able to see you, we just wouldn’t be able to see the cloak.


Shower Thoughts

If I linked enough watches together to make a belt, it would be a complete waist of time.


Shower Thoughts

A nap in a self driving car will be the closest my generation gets to teleportation.


Shower Thoughts

The skydiving business exists only because of surviviors bias. Its a bit hard to leave a bad review.


Shower Thoughts

The singular of sheep should be shoop.


Shower Thoughts

All dwarfs are by nature dutiful, serious, literate, obedient and thoughtful people whose only minor failing is a tendency, after one drink, to rush at enemies screaming „Arrrrrrgh!” and axing their legs off at the knee.


Terry Pratchett

If you buy a used prosthetic hand, you bought your third hand, second hand.


Shower Thoughts

If you pay $1000 for clothes that cost $15 to make, you look rich and society perceives rich people as smart. But logically, you’re just stupid.


Shower Thoughts

When a movie character has blood drip from their nose, we automatically know they are dying of something horrible, when blood drips from my nose, I have a bloody nose.


Shower Thoughts

I always thought reality shows were stupid but then I remembered that in reality people are stupid.


Shower Thoughts

One cigarette shortens your life by two hours, one bottle of vodka by three hours, and a workday, eight hours.


Shower Thoughts

Bicycles can’t stand on their own because they are two tired.


Shower Thoughts

Contractions are the ultimate push notifications.


Shower Thoughts

Jak się nie obrócisz, tak rzyć z tyłu.


Andrzej Sapkowski

There are two hard things in computer science: cache invalidation, naming things, and off-by-one errors.


?

Any machine can be a smoke machine if you use it wrong enough.


Shower Thoughts

Your anus is the back of your throat.


Shower Thoughts

I feel like 90% of being good with nunchucks is just not reacting when you hit yourself.


Shower Thoughts

Do you realise, it will only take one human to be immortal to make the average human lifespan infinite.


Shower Thoughts

My wife has owned a self driving car for the last 30 years and sitting in the passenger seats: dictates where she wants to go, goes to sleep and arrives at her destination safely.


Shower Thoughts

Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself.


George Carlin

Birth certificates are basically receipts for humans.


Shower Thoughts

I wonder how long it takes for a Giraffe to throw up.


Shower Thoughts

We’ve become so advanced that we spend at least the first 20 or so years of our lives getting caught up on the basics of what we’ve figured out so far.


Shower Thoughts

If you are waiting for the waiter, aren’t you the waiter?


Shower Thoughts

When my wife asks where I want to eat, she actually wants me to guess correctly where she wants to eat.


Shower Thoughts

“When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?” This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!


George Carlin

A 5% beer is 25% stronger than a 4% beer


Shower Thoughts

Someone who doesn’t want to date you because your astrological signs aren’t compatible is probably doing you a favour


Shower Thoughts

The Scarecrow in Oz wanted a brain but got a diploma instead, proving you don’t need a brain to get a diploma.


Shower Thoughts

– Why are redneck murder cases the hardest to solve?
– Because all the DNA matches and there are no dental records


?

Reach for the stars, because even if you miss, you’ll be miles away from me with your motivational bullshit.


Shower Thoughts

A ja myślę, że całe zło te­go świata bie­rze się z myśle­nia. Zwłaszcza w wy­kona­niu ludzi całkiem ku te­mu nie mających predyspozycji.


Andrzej Sapkowski

The antonym of synonym is antonym.


Shower Thoughts

Doctors say each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off your life. Based on that math I should have died in 1732.


Shower Thoughts

Being born is the first time I did something for the last time and dying will be the last time I do something for the first time.


Shower Thoughts

If you try to die, you die trying.


Shower Thoughts

Mick Jagger, 72, is having a kid, his 8th, with his 29 year old girlfriend, who is 16 years younger than his oldest child, which is 45. But two moms or two dads is too difficult to explain to a seven year old.


Shower Thoughts

The idea that I can just take something out of my ass and put it inside someone’s lungs is really disturbing on some levels.


Shower Thoughts

My kids now share the same vague unfamiliarity with Arnold Schwarzenegger movies that I had with my dad’s favorite John Wayne movies.


Shower Thoughts

Asking an insane male squirrel “Show me yer nuts!” is a triple entendre.


Shower Thoughts

Paying for contact lenses every month is essentially paying a monthly subscription to see life in HD.


Shower Thoughts

If an adult has an imaginary friend, it’s psychosis. If a million adults have an imaginary friend, it’s tax-exempt.


Shower Thoughts

“Meow” means “woof” in cat.


George Carlin

What if the entire universe is just the tutorial video being shown to Adam and Eve to explain why they shouldn’t eat the fruit?


Shower Thoughts

Raising a child is basically a race against time to see if you can teach a tiny animal everything they need to know in oder to avoid going to jail in under 18 years.


Shower Thoughts

I spend about 500% of my life exaggerating.


Shower Thoughts

Maybe it’s not that you lost a sock in the drier, but that you actually gained an extra sock.


Shower Thoughts

Myspace is so outdated that jokes about it being outdated has become outdated.


Shower Thoughts

He moved in a way that suggested he was attempting the world speed record for the nonchalant walk.


Terry Pratchett

The first 18 years of your life are like a free trial and the rest is pay to play.


Shower Thoughts

Most teenagers pull their phones out of their pockets to check the time. We are reverting to the era of pocket watches.


Shower Thoughts

When a computer overheats, it freezes.


Shower Thoughts

Learning English is difficult, but it can be taught through tough thorough thought though.


Shower Thoughts

Dorastałem dosłownie o rzut kamieniem od tej posesji, na której cała rodzina umarła od tajemniczych urazów głowy.


JM

Google should have named their virtual reality headset Googley Eyes.


Shower Thoughts

A line of paint on the road holds more authority than i ever will.


Shower Thoughts

If my wife would get dressed as fast as she used to when her parents came home early, we would never be late to dinner.


Shower Thoughts

Na Ziemi (…) nikt nikomu nie wierzy ot tak, nikt nie dotrzymuje słowa i nikt nie spełnia obietnic danych bez świadków, prawników, papierów, dowodów, nagrań i pisemnych gwarancji, a i to tylko czasem. Tu jednak jest tylko nas dwóch, słowo i uścisk dłoni. To świat, w którym reputacja człowieka zależy od jego uczciwości i jest cenniejsza od gór złota. Tu nie ma większej gwarancji niż słowo.


Jarosław Grzędowicz

Człowiek to rzeczownik, a rzeczownikiem rządzą przypadki.


Krystyna Siesicka

Maybe the reason you’re single is that your soulmate got stuck in a condom.


Shower Thoughts

You can tell someone doesn’t read much if they keep trying to talk to you while you’re reading a book


Shower Thoughts

If you treat sick animals, you may be considered a veterinarian. If you fought for Germany in WWII, you may be considered a veteran Aryan.


Shower Thoughts

Have you ever realized that anything Vin Diesel eats can be considered as diesel fuel?


Shower Thoughts

Time is the only currency you absolutely will run out of, spend it wisely. Don’t spend it on hating people for disagreeing with you.


Shower Thoughts

I wonder what PETA would do if their HQ got infested with rats.


Shower Thoughts

Brushing your teeth is the only time you get to clean your skeleton.


Shower Thoughts

When the person who invented the usb dies, they better put the coffin in the ground, bring it back out, flip it over and put it back in.


Shower Thoughts

If you’re the mother of only sons, you’ve broken a chain of having daughters that goes all the way back to the very beginning of time.


Shower Thoughts

Real friends are those who shit on your face and praise you behind your back.


Shower Thoughts

Science progresses by proving itself wrong. Religions progress by eliminating non-believers.


Shower Thoughts

“The early bird catches the worm”, they told you, but they never tell “The early worm gets caught”.


Shower Thoughts

You can go the rest of your life without breathing


Shower Thoughts

I wish my toilet had a scale measuring the contents of the bowl. You could link it to your fitbit data, challenge your friends, the possibilities are endless really.


Shower Thoughts

Religious people that haven’t read their Holy books are basically clicking “Agree” without reading the Terms and Conditions.


Shower Thoughts

Alcohol free and free alcohol are the polar opposites of fun.


Shower Thoughts

It’s weird how couples trying to have a baby always seem to take a while to get pregnant, but the ONE time my condom breaks I got a little “miracle” on the way.


Shower Thoughts

Smoking is good for the environment as it kills humans.


Shower Thoughts

It’s weird how we teach kinds to never take candy from strangers, and also celebrate a holiday specifically for kids to take candy from strangers.


Shower Thoughts

If Sesame Street and Star Wars joined, there would be Cookie Wookies.


Shower Thoughts

Depending on how you look at it, half of 8 could be 4, 3, or 0.


Shower Thoughts

The only thing we can all agree on is Terms and Conditions.


Shower Thoughts

Set your WIFI password to 2444666668888888, when your friend ask just tell him it’s 12345678.


Shower Thoughts

Our bodies are 70% water. We didn’t leave the ocean, we learned to take it with us.


Shower Thoughts

Birth is the #1 cause of deaths.


Shower Thoughts

Now that I’m pushing 50, I’ve finally realized that the point at which popular music was most innovative, meaningful, and really, really great, was when someone was in their late teens to early 20’s, no matter how old that person is.


Shower Thoughts

Reddit is the opposite of Facebook. Reddit is people you don’t know posting things you care about. Facebook is people you know posting things you don’t care about.


Shower Thoughts

We want restaurant quality food when we cook at home, but we also want home cooked quality food when we go to a restaurant.


Shower Thoughts

Everything in the universe is either a potato or not a potato.


Shower Thoughts

Nie zaczyna się zdania od ‚Nie’.


Bash

Po stu­diach hu­manis­tycznych można zos­tać tyl­ko nau­czy­cielem al­bo urzędo­wym gry­zipiórkiem, czy­li kimś, ko­go skrót roz­szyf­ro­wuje się ja­ko Dob­ry Urzędnik Państwo­wej Administracji.


Andrzej Sapkowski

One day I want to be rich enough to need a cart when shopping at Best Buy.


Shower Thoughts

In peace times you can go to jail for killing people. In war time you can go to jail for refusing to kill people.


Shower Thoughts

If you eat well, get good sleep, exercise, and drink plenty of water, you’ll die anyways.


Shower Thoughts

Farting is just shitting yourself on a molecular scale.


Shower Thoughts

If you’re raised by a gay couple, but your parents divorce and marry other people, you’re going to have four moms. Or four dads.


Shower Thoughts

I was much happier before the Internet because I was unaware of how shitty the world really is.


Shower Thoughts

We humans have set up a society in which we require a minimum number of laps around the sun for a person to drink fermented plant juice.


Shower Thoughts

I wonder if I’ve already eaten the best sandwich I’ll ever eat.


Shower Thoughts

There are no routine statistical questions, only questionable statistical routines.


David Cox

I wonder how child custody battles would be different if the kid got to live in the same house full time and the parents had to move in/out every week.


Shower Thoughts

When we want someone else’s thoughts, we say “penny for your thoughts.” When we offer our own, we say “putting my two cents in.” We value our own opinions twice as much.


Shower Thoughts

On April Fools Day, Brazzers should make a video where a hot male plumber goes to a sorority house and fixes the toilet and leaves normally.


Shower Thoughts

We use tables to keep food off the floor, tablecloths to keep food off the table, place mats to keep food off the tablecloth, and plates to keep food off of the place mats. I wish I had that kind of support in my life.


Shower Thoughts

We’re all just killing time until time kills us.


Shower Thoughts

There’s religious people going door to door to convince atheists to become religious. Imagine how much controversy there would be if the roles were switched.


Shower Thoughts

History teaches us that mankind doesn’t learn from history.


Shower Thoughts

It sucks when I read read as read and not read, so I have to re-read read as read so I can read read correctly and it can make sense…


Shower Thoughts

As a pregnant woman, my body contains eight limbs, and therefore this is the closest I’ll ever be to being a spider…


Shower Thoughts

If there are capital letters, why aren’t there capital numbers. I want to be able to yell statistics at people.


Shower Thoughts

The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”


George Carlin

Having big tits because you’re fat is like having a fast car because it’s falling off a cliff.


Shower Thoughts

If shaving commercials want to impress me then they should shave a bison, not hairless legs.


Shower Thoughts

If I touch my phone in the right places a pizza will arrive at my door.


Shower Thoughts

A group of squids should be a squad.


Shower Thoughts

An USB plug just took me over 7 turnovers to plug. Either I’m stupid, or they’re evolving.


Shower Thoughts

Although bishops are not allowed to be gay, Bishops are the only pieces in chess who won’t go straight.


Shower Thoughts

If people really could spin in their graves we could harness it as a new form of green energy and power our homes by disgracing our ancestors.


Shower Thoughts

OK looks like a sideways stick person.


Shower Thoughts

Please don’t come to my garage sale if you’ve ever let me borrow something.


Shower Thoughts

I am glad that farts aren’t contagious as yawns


Shower Thoughts

My dog understand several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.


Shower Thoughts

On the internet you can choose to be anything you want. It’s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.


Shower Thoughts

On internet people don’t want to hear your opinion. They just want to hear you saying their opinion.


Shower Thoughts

Smartphones have probably caused a large decrease in the amount of bathroom stall graffiti.


Shower Thoughts

On the internet I can easily find a video of a snake being swallowed by a giant frog while attacking a cat but I can’t seem to find the right drivers for my laptop.


Shower Thoughts

There’s no sense in being precise when you don’t even know what you’re talking
about.


John von Neumann

We celebrate someone’s birthday by having them blow their germs all over a cake, then serving that to everyone around.


Shower Thoughts

No matter when you read this, someone just died.


Shower Thoughts

There are truck drivers who deliver bananas. Driving people bananas is literally their job.


Shower Thoughts

Humans being the only sentient life in the whole entire universe is scarier than the idea that other intelligent/sentient life exist too.


Shower Thoughts

Toilet paper should be free and have advertising printed on it.


Shower Thoughts

Brother Preptil, the master of music, had described Brutha’s voice as putting him in mind of a dissapointed vulture arriving too late at a dead donkey.


Terry Pratchett

Having a hot gf is like having a nice car. At first its fun, but eventually its the maintenance and people wanting to steal it becomes more of an issue.


Shower Thoughts

If I arrive somewhere sooner than Google Maps predicts it’s because I’m a good driver. If I arrive somewhere later than predicted it’s because Google Maps was wrong.


Shower Thoughts

Every single decision you have ever taken has led to you reading this sentence.


Shower Thoughts

A pizza is basically a real-time pie chart of how much pizza is left.


Shower Thoughts

Intelligence is like underwear. It’s important that you have it, but not necessary that you show it off.


Shower Thoughts

If you take a woman to bed and her bra and panties match, I’m sorry to tell you she’s the one who planned everything.


Shower Thoughts

If anti-vaxxers really believed in their cause, they would band together to show lower rates of autism in their children over time.


Shower Thoughts

„Meat pies! Hot sausages! Inna bun! So fresh the pig h’an’t noticed they’re gone!”


Terry Pratchett

If pigs could fly, their wings would be delicious.


Shower Thoughts

Before smart phones we knew a lot more about our shampoo.


Shower Thoughts

The news is basically just someone saying good evening and then giving you a list of reasons it’s not.


Shower Thoughts

You always see cranes at construction sites, but you never see how the crane gets there.


Shower Thoughts

When you’re a kid you want your teeth to fall out for monetary reasons. When you’re an adult you want your teeth to stay intact for monetary reasons.


Shower Thoughts

Holding down the power button to turn a computer off is eerily similar to holding a pillow on top of someone’s face.


Shower Thoughts

I will not rest until I find a cure for my insomnia


Shower Thoughts

If Jesus had been stoned to death, Christians would all wear little rocks around their necks


Shower Thoughts

You live longer when you work out, but that additional time is spent in working out.


Shower Thoughts

Intelligent minds presume their own ignorance. Ignorant minds presume their own intelligence.


Shower Thoughts

The speed limit is the maximum speed you can go by law and also basically the minimum speed you can go without pissing everybody else off.


Shower Thoughts

Children are like a free app with a crap ton of in app purchases.


Shower Thoughts

There should be a museum museum where you can learn about all of the museums around the world.


Shower Thoughts

When I die, I want to be cremated and put into an hourglass so I can still spend time with my family.


Shower Thoughts

Multitasking is the opportunity to screw up more than one thing at a time.


Shower Thoughts

If you dye your hair red, then you are trans-gingered.


Shower Thoughts

If old people realized how little time the had left on earth, maybe they’d drive a little faster.


Shower Thoughts

Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.


George Carlin

The problem is not people being uneducated; The problem is that they are educated just enough to believe what they’ve been taught. And not educated enough to question what they’ve been taught.


Shower Thoughts

I wish I was as brave as Internet Explorer asking to be my default browser.


Shower Thoughts

My TI-83 Plus calculator is almost 15 years old and works just as well as it did on the first day. Its outlasted every other piece of technology I’ve ever purchased for a similar price or greater.


Shower Thoughts

The fact that we have a universally recognized hand sign for “fuck you” and not one for “I’m sorry” should really tell us something.


Shower Thoughts

A church is a book club that has been stuck with the same book.


Shower Thoughts

We eat chickens both before they’re born and after they die.


Shower Thoughts

Two eyebrows are just enough, one eyebrow is way too much!


Shower Thoughts

With the PS4 Neo, Project Morpheus, and now the Nintendo Switch, we have a Trinity of new gaming platforms named after Matrix characters.


Shower Thoughts

They should make a “millennials” version of Monopoly where you just circle the board, forever paying rent without the option to buy anything.


Shower Thoughts

When Math teachers used to tell us “you won’t always have a calculator with you” they couldn’t have been more wrong.


Shower Thoughts

The world would probably be a better place if people thought “Is it ethical?” instead of “Is it legal?” more often.


Shower Thoughts

Hanging around is another thing tortoises are very good at. They’re practically world champions.


Terry Pratchett

Designating a smoking area in a cafe is like having a peeing section in a pool.


Shower Thoughts

All men like to think they’re marrying nymphomaniacs. The problem is, after few years the nympho leaves and the maniac stays.


Shower Thoughts

The hardest problem in computer science is not being an opinionated jerk about everything.


N. Takayama

One day an iPhone is going to explode, and Android people are going to be like, “Samsung has had this feature for years”.


Shower Thoughts

It must take a lot of talent to design windshield wipers that clean the entire windshield but still leave a streak only in the spot that I’m looking through.


Shower Thoughts

In 1916, the average person owned a horse and was considered “rich” if they owned a car. In 2016, it’s the other way around.


Shower Thoughts

All dwarfs have beards and wear up to twelve layers of clothing. Gender is more or less optional.


Terry Pratchett

Where does the white go, when the snow melts?


N.N.

Paying for contact lenses every month is essentially paying a monthly subscription to see life in HD.


Shower Thoughts

Time is a drug. Too much of it kills you.


Terry Pratchett

If you’re skydiving and your parachute breaks you have the rest of your life to fix it.


Shower Thoughts

There should be sensors on public toilet seats that detects when someone peed all over them and locks the person in the stall until they clean it up.


The most average person on earth is a 24.3 year old Christian Chinese Man making $9,733 a year with 2.333 children and will eventually die from heart disease.


Shower Thoughts

In order to fall asleep, we have to pretend to be asleep


Shower Thoughts

What if we had some sort of light that blinks on the side of cars to indicate a lane change.


Shower Thoughts

Gdyby ludzie od jaskiniowej epoki robili tylko to, co wyglądało na możliwe, do dzisiaj siedzieliby w jaskiniach.


Stanisław Lem

The teenagers that made fun of me in school for being nerd and playing a musical instrument are now adults who want their kids to perform like I did in school.


Shower Thoughts

Spiders are just web developers that are happy to find bugs.


Shower Thoughts

What if Mike was short for Micycle?


Shower Thoughts

If I wrote a book titled “How to fail” and it never sold a single copy, it would be a success.


Shower Thoughts

If Jesus was well known for turning water into wine, why would the Romans crucify him rather than keeping him as a wine-manufacturing slave, and profit immensely?


Shower Thoughts

When the person you’re dating asks “What are we?” it’s like the free trial period has expired and you have to decide whether or not to get a subscription…


Shower Thoughts

Having a hair in your tooth brush is bad, but having a tooth in your hair brush is much worse.


Shower Thoughts

With 7 billion people on Earth, every single day (24 hour period) there is over 19 million years of human experience that occurs.


Shower Thoughts

He did of course sometimes have people horribly tortured to death, but this was considered to be perfectly acceptable behaviour for a civic ruler and generally approved of by the overhelming majority of citizens. (* The overhelming majority of citizens being defined in this case as everyone not currently hanging upside down over a scorpion pit)


Terry Pratchett

I have more respect for someone with opposing views but an open mind than someone with the same views and a closed mind.


Shower Thoughts

Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.


Robert J. Hanlon

You know what’s more fun than traveling with small children? Anything. Literally anything…


Shower Thoughts

Everyone wants a partner that is a great lover, but no one wants to consider how much practice that it took.


Shower Thoughts

Does my cat think the pizza delivery guy is my owner because he brings me food?


Shower Thoughts

By this point, i bet celebrities are offended if South Park still hasn’t made fun of them.


Shower Thoughts

Saying “I lost the stylus for my tablet” would’ve still made sense over 2000 years ago.


Shower Thoughts

Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.


George Carlin

If a meme isn’t used anymore and starts to be forgotten, it becomes a memeory.


Shower Thoughts

If a wall has a hole in it and you fix it, you make the wall whole by removing the wall’s hole.


Shower Thoughts

Every time the Guinness Book Of World Records adds a new kind of world record to the book, it breaks the world record for having the most world records compiled into a single book.


Shower Thoughts

I bet they are making so many Fast & Furious films just so they can make “Fast10 Your Seatbelts”.


Shower Thoughts

Alcohol and drugs are like happiness banks; you take out a loan and pay it back later, with interest.


Shower Thoughts

My life is a series of increasingly difficult obstacles that I need to overcome in order to play video games at the end of the day.


Shower Thoughts

Calling your Dad a motherfucker is a 100% accurate statement


Shower Thoughts

Everyone was born with a limited amount of fucks to give. During your teenage years you give a ton and slowly give less and less from there.


Shower Thoughts

Onions are the only vegetable I know that try to prevent you from eating it through emotional manipulation.


Shower Thoughts

Boobs are like the sun, you can stare at them longer with sunglasses on.


Shower Thoughts

The gods of the Disc have never bothered much about judging the souls of the dead, and so people only go to hell if that’s where they believe, in their deepest heart, that they deserve to go. Which they won’t do if they don’t know about it. This explains why it is so important to shoot missionaries on sight


Terry Pratchett

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?


George Carlin

“When I was your age, we used to walk miles through snow” has been replaced with “back in my, we only had dial up internet”.


Shower Thoughts

All stairs are wheelchair accessible as long as you’re going down.


Shower Thoughts

Iron Man is actually fe-male.


Shower Thoughts

Naming Iceland Iceland and Greenland Greenland is one of the biggest trolls of all time.


Shower Thoughts

If a woman doesn’t want a baby it’s her choice, If a guy doesn’t want a baby he is avoiding his responsibility.


Shower Thoughts

There are more people offended by people being offended by everything than people who are offended by everything.


Shower Thoughts

At any given time, the urge to sing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away.


Shower Thoughts

The first person to be scientifically made to be immortal will probably be killed by religious extremists.


Shower Thoughts

I sit at work in front of a computer all day just to afford to sit at home in front of a computer all night.


Shower Thoughts

After clearing browser history, there should be an option to fill up history with “normal” websites instead of it just being empty.


Shower Thoughts

Politicians should wear badges showing what companies sponsor them, like F1 drivers.


Shower Thoughts

One day, a random waiter or waitress gave you the kid’s menu for the last time.


Shower Thoughts

Odległy musi być czas, w którym kandydatów na najwyższe stanowiska jakichkolwiek państw będzie się kierowało na egzaminacyjne filtry, ażeby umysłowości wielostronnie marne bez wszelkiego miłosierdzia kierować do robót publicznych.


Stanisław Lem

Autor: xpil

Po czterdziestce. Żonaty. Dzieciaty. Komputerowiec. Krwiodawca. Emigrant. Rusofil. Lemofil. Sarkastyczny. Uparty. Mól książkowy. Ateista. Apolityczny. Nie oglądam TV. Uwielbiam matematykę. Walę prosto z mostu. Gram na paru instrumentach. Lubię planszówki. Słucham bluesa, poezji śpiewanej i kapel a’capella. || Kliknij tutaj po więcej szczegółów ||